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Original poster

gagging for some passion

21 replies

Bashfulbear · 19/02/2016 21:15

OMG, OMG OMG, I am so desperate for intimacy with my wife but SHE's JUST NOT interested. I am currrently going through depression / anxiety and cannot confront her for fear of greater rejection and hurt. I feel so lonely in a sexless marriage. HELP HELP HELP pleeeeeease...I keep looking at dating / one night stand sites but just can't slip that low. Window shopping only but OMG, what do I do?

OP posts:
SnoogyWoo · 19/02/2016 21:44

OMG, OMG just crack one off in the shower OMG

expatinscotland · 19/02/2016 21:45

OMG, OMG have a fucking wank and remember that school starts back on Monday.

flanjabelle · 19/02/2016 21:47

OMG OMG OMG if you sound like a teenage girl in real life, no wonder she doesn't want to shag you. OMG.

ASAS · 19/02/2016 21:49

Aye, if you think it's bad now wait til she discovers where you've been online.

If you are genuine have you spoken to her or your GP about your depression/anxiety?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 19/02/2016 21:50

Leave your wife, she deserves better. Then you can go out and pay for get some no strings attached sex with the women that find it sexy when men scream OMG OMG HELP ME PLEEEEEEEEASEEEEEEEEE have sex with me good luck it'll be a long search

RedRainRocks · 20/02/2016 14:15

have you ever wondered why she doesn't want to be intimate?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/02/2016 14:36

Why is it. When a man dares to say he wants sex and intimacy. People jump on him, but yet when it's a women wanting advise and support because of lack of intimacy people are sympathetic. I'd never condone cheating, but I'd be lying if said. I couldn't see how it happened.

pinkyredrose · 20/02/2016 14:38

Are you 14? You sound it. What is it with all these weird threads lately.

Original poster
Bashfulbear · 20/02/2016 16:11

No I'm not 14 and apart from one comment, I'm pretty disappointed with the replies. Thought you may be useful for some advice... Yes, I have seen my GP, on meds and therapy. I'm in a fragile state but sorry for wanting to be intimate.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 20/02/2016 16:18

You lot are harsh Grin

AnyFucker · 20/02/2016 16:23

Harsh ?

OMG what are you saying ?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 20/02/2016 17:42

Well instead of OMG-ing all over the Internet and searching for sex online what have you done to rectify the issue with your wife?

backonthebikeagain · 20/02/2016 18:51

Leave her. I have been that woman and I wasnt interested in my exdp at all. There was no way I would have changed my way of thinking.

You need to find someone who wants to be with you. Good luck.

LogicalThinking · 20/02/2016 19:44

I agree that men get a much harder time when they complain about lack of sex in a relationship. I think your wording was very me me me, and that never goes down well. Cheating is just shit. Don't go there. If you can't sort the problems then you have to leave, don't cheat.

Confrontation is not the way to go, but what have you done to work on this so far? What does your wife say about it? How long has it been going on? Is it completely sexless?

Imstickingwiththisone · 27/02/2016 23:45

Bumping this thread because I'm in the same boat OP and I want to whine.

Roles semi reversed though. I really want sex and DP kind of on the cusp of depression / anxiety and certainly does not. He has problems sleeping so we sleep in separate rooms. I work some evenings and he practically races to get to bed before I get home at 10 so I don't slow down his bedtime routine Hmm he says it in a jokey way but it's clearly true because 9 times out of 10 he's in bed before I get home even when he's not in work the next morning.

Feeling a bit selfish and fucked off with it all tonight too. Avoiding all bodily contact with your other half doesn't sound like a good way of keeping depression / anxiety under control unless he hates me, and I v regularly have shite sleep but just get on with it.

There I've said it. Ready to passively accept another 6 months of this shite. Might have dared to tentatively bring it up tonight if he hadn't have fucked off to bed before I got home but it's just spared me being shut down with needing to support him because he is trying his best to keep on top of his anxiety etc

Am I being horrible and hormonal?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 28/02/2016 01:50

What help is he getting for his depression? What does he say when you talk to him about your sex life?

Imstickingwiththisone · 28/02/2016 07:52

Nothing. He is very good at speaking about it and says that he isn't depressed but is experiencing some mild symptoms of anxiety and so there's a conscious effort being made to battle it and keep it from getting worse. He had it worse last winter and it crept in again last autumn so I think the seasons / light affects him. It's very good, however I can't help but feel shut out at times.

Mention of sex is either; if we talk about it I'm placing pressure on him that he could do without. If I try to initiate it then I'm also putting unnecessary pressure on him and am being unfair. I've not done either for months now as I don't want to do him harm Confused

LogicalThinking · 28/02/2016 10:37

I would talk to him again and make it clear that you are not putting pressure on him, but this is becoming very difficult for you to cope with because you really miss that intimacy. You're not demanding sex, but you want to be able to snuggle up to him and kiss without him shrugging you off. Start with a complete ban on sex. Tell him that for at least the next month, there is a cast iron guarantee that no sex will happen, no matter what. Make it safe for you to be able to snuggle up together naked without him feeling any pressure to perform. You're not going to be doing anything, just getting close again.
That removes the pressure so he can relax.
After a month you can start to add in some sexual contact, but still to sex. No outcome needed, just exploring sexual contact again.
Hopefully that will help him relax and enjoy intimacy with you again.
If he is not willing to do anything, then I would have to question his commitment to your relationship.

Millliii · 28/02/2016 10:42

Why have people given the OP a hard time. You have to be a registered MN user for three months before you can post on this sex section?

Imstickingwiththisone · 28/02/2016 22:33

Thanks Logical. He's never been tactile anyway so physical contact was only ever done with the goal of sex. I got home from work early tonight and he went to bed early again. I asked if we would ever sleep in the same bed again he just said yes and no more. Just an awkward atmosphere. Wish I hadn't said anything because it wasn't productive and feel I've left myself open to the accusation of nagging if I bring it up again. No opportunity to discuss things earlier in the day as the toddler refused to nap Angry feel stressed and fucked off again.

musicismylife · 05/03/2016 22:19

Op, I think you need to speak to your wife about this & tell her how you feel.

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