Advice about strange request could be triggering

[Mujeresloca]

Name change/regular poster.

I have been seeing someone for a little while and he is by far the most attentive lover iv ever had and has always treated me with respect we are not in for long term relationship.

Well he has asked me to have sex with him while he is sleeping and without forewarning him.
I'm not entirely comfortable with it as although he has said he wants it it still feels to me as non consent.

So he must want to be dominated?

He says it's happened before but without his consent and said he would enjoy with me after I ask him obvious questions.

I'm wondering if it is genuinely a fantasy or if this will have emotional implications for him or me..

I told him I will think about it, I know he wont pressure me to do it.

What are your thoughts as I'm not sure what to think entirely but naturally leaning towards no.

I do this with my DP. If I wake up and see he has a morning glory I jump on it. He obviously wakes up but loves it every time. It also makes us laugh thinking about it during the day. I think some guys don't have the taken advantage aspect like some women do. It works for us anyway. He's never asked me to do it I just did it on my own but we are pretty open like that.

He said the time it happened before without consent he didn't enjoy as I asked him, he want me to make him erect rather than if he has one.

So I am to initiate and have sex with him.
His words were use him like an object.

We are open to experimenting and have done so, this is a new ball game for me I think and I wonder if it is like you say maybe he genuinely will enjoy it and I am looking at it from my own perspective.

I don't mind someone initiating sex with me /together while sleeping but as long as I am waking and obviously consenting.
Sleepy sex is good.

There isn't an issue of consent on his part - he's already consented in advance.

With a partner you love and trust, being woken like this can be sexy as fuck.

His words were use him like an object.

This is something a lot of men and women get a major kick out of.

Make sure you have a safe word. And unless you've specifically discussed role-playing "forced" scenarios (e.g. he says "No! Stop, you evil woman!" but it's part of the role-play and you have already agreed that you will carry on unless safe word is used) then you would of course stop if he looked or sounded at all distressed or even ambivalent.

I almost wonder if this is a reverse-if it was a woman suggesting this would the advice be different? In any case If it makes you uncomfortable OP then don't do it whether or not your lover wants it.

I suspect someone somewhere could make the case that if he is asleep he is not able to consent, no matter what advance instructions he may have given. I think it's extremely unlikely that any bloke I've ever met would be upset by this but ... Who knows.

Hmm. I have no problem with acting out such fantasies if prior consent is given (and have recently enjoyed a similar scenario) but

"He says it's happened before but without his consent"

this is a red flag for me. I wouldn't be comfortable taking part in a sexual act that is based on a previous non-consenual assault.

Thanks for all your input, it is mainly about the fact it was done to him before without his consent that makes me uncomfortable about doing it the most along with figuring out If it is still consentual if given in advance.

I think I should speak to him more and see if he will genuinely enjoy it or is trying to pychobabble out his Last experience.

I agree a safe word would be a great thing to use in any situation like this I would feel awful if I crossed a line, I already got the impression he has had more variety sexual experiences so I wasn't shocked/surprised when he asked but it is when he said it happens before that concerned me.

Ultimately i know it's my choice and the worst that can happen is I don't do it, which isn't that bad.