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Sex

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Original poster

Sex and living in a flat..?

23 replies

Bubblegum89 · 23/12/2015 15:27

I recently just moved into a first floor flat with my daughter and partner. I've always lived in houses so any kind of noise in general wasn't really an issue. The flat I've moved into isn't soundproofed in any way. I can hear the people above me talking, coughing, whistling etc. Being on the first floor, someone is obviously below me (the world's most miserable woman which is just my luck) So what is the "etiquette" when having sex in a flat? I'm always distracted because I'm very aware of the noises I/my partner/the bed are making, especially at night when the woman downstairs is likely in bed.

We're not at it 24/7 and when we do have sex it's not a constant all night thing. It might last half an hour tops. I know the woman can hear us and I swear the other night she started banging on the ceiling but does she expect us to just never have sex or schedule it for while she's out? I'm not saying I'm screaming at the top of my lungs but obviously I'm not just lying there in silence. Anyone have any advice?

OP posts:

Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 23/12/2015 15:29

Be quiet?!

Original poster

Bubblegum89 · 23/12/2015 15:32

Do you have sex in total silence?? Like I said I'm not being noisy but there is NO soundproofing at all. I heard the guy above me sneeze the other day...

OP posts:

ButtonMoon88 · 23/12/2015 15:34

Get inventive, do it in the car hahahahha

I can't give you serious suggestions because it's quite a funny problem to have!

Snazarooney · 23/12/2015 15:34

Presumably you have to be reasonably quiet anyway so as not to wake your daughter up?

Original poster

Bubblegum89 · 23/12/2015 15:36

I have to be fairly quiet yes, although she sleeps through anything lol I'm literally as quiet as I can be without gaffa taping my mouth shut but I still feel like I shouldn't be having sex because the woman downstairs will get annoyed at even the slightest noise

OP posts:

EmpressOfTheVulvaCupcakes · 23/12/2015 15:37

Well... If she starts marking you out of 10, playing the Hallelujah Chorus at the climax or giving a running commentary, she's a miserable MNer. (And there are plenty of us who are single & child free!)

Lweji · 23/12/2015 15:38

Turn the vaccum cleaner on. That should drown the noise.
Early morning should be good to. It tends to be less silent.

Otherwise just bang the bed away. At least you won't hear the neighbour banging back.

Original poster

Bubblegum89 · 23/12/2015 15:39

Ha, she's single from what I gather and she doesn't have any kids. She's fairly young. I feel bad for even talking without whispering in my own home plus I'm always having to tell me daughter to be a little quieter which is difficult for a seven year old!

OP posts:

timelytess · 23/12/2015 15:41

Shout her name at moments of peak excitement.

ginandbearit · 23/12/2015 22:18

I used to live in a flat and the flat above me had lots of different tenants, was fun listening to the bad sex, the late sex, angry sex, quick sex, and the lunch time sex while I was trying to work directly under their bed...have fun and provide the entertainment!

cricketnut77 · 24/12/2015 13:43

In my student flat I used to put music on

PrimeDirective · 25/12/2015 13:46

Any background noise should disguise what you are doing, but I really wouldn't worry about it too much.

travellinglighter · 25/12/2015 19:53

I’ve told this one on MN before but i lived in a flat where the chap next door was very sexually active. There were at least three different partners involved. I could tell by the noises made which one was being entertained. There was the religious one (Oh god, oh god, ohgodohgodohgod). There was tourettes syndrome(Fuck......fffuckkk..........oh ffffffuuuucccckkk). And finally.....monkey noises.

It wasn’t as funny as it sounds.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/12/2015 18:41

Why are you mocking someone who's single. Do you think just because she's single she never gets a shag! She could go out and shag a different fella every week for all you know. I did in my single days.
Don't pass judgement. It's not nice.

Branleuse · 26/12/2015 18:51

put music on

BertieBotts · 26/12/2015 19:13

The sound is really relative. Yes, sometimes you can hear a sneeze - most likely by coincidence at that moment your flat was quiet, their flat was quiet, outside was quiet, you happened to be standing directly above/below them and either your or their window was open, or both. You won't hear the other 300 sneezes they do a year and consequently you don't often hear sex, either, though you do occasionally.

IME the biggest giveaway is a noisy bed! You have a 7yo, so you must be at least a bit practised in not shouting "OH MY JEREMY. WHAT A FANTASTIC SESSION OF CUNNILINGUS" or whatever, so don't worry about it.

Have you only ever lived in detached houses, because it's not really any different from a semi or a terrace, just that you have more sides to have neighbours on.

OnADarkDesertHighway · 29/12/2015 13:32

I lived in a flat with no soundproofing but never heard any of the various neighbours shagging.

DP and I used to have sex when my neighbour was out as he is fucking good and I come repeatedly but twas difficult when he moved in. Bedrooms were on top of each other so we'd have sex when she was not likely to be in bed, or in other rooms if it was still early and she had gone to bed.

At night we would just try and keep the noise down and DP would put his hand over my mouth when needed!

Original poster

Bubblegum89 · 29/12/2015 21:01

Not sure where I mocked her for being single..? She's a miserable so and so whether she's getting shagged all over the place or not. The one that sticks notices up everywhere telling people to make sure the door is closed properly and won't take post for you if you're not in and doesn't say hello or thank you when you hold the door open for her etc.

Anyway, it's hard to do it when she's out as she's never out. The annoying thing is the bed is very noisy, the headboard squeaks really loudly at the slightest movement. I know my partner is aware of it too and I think it distracts both of us and also prevents us from doing it as we seem to have a lot less sex since we moved here. In all my other homes, my bedroom has either been adjacent to next door's spare room (old lady who lived alone so nobody was ever in there) or it was on the outside wall (semi detached) I think my issue really is that she seems the kind of person who would complain about it. If it was me, I'd probably just laugh it off, tell my mates etc. I had friends over once for a drink and all night she was banging on her ceiling, we were being as quiet as we could without all sitting there in silence!

I guess I'll just have to try and not worry about it. With a 7 year old I'm not screaming the place down anyway. But this damn bad though...!!

OP posts:

MazzleDazzle · 29/12/2015 22:54

I second what Branleuse said: play music!

SladeGreen · 30/12/2015 14:29

BertieBotts

OP, I'm in a similar situation. I live in a shared house (with colleagues! ), and whenever my DP stays over we have to be as quiet as mice. The walls are paper thin and it does put a dampener on things (especially as one of my housemates has a dog that actually WHINES AT MY BEDROOM DOOR whenever the sauciness gets going. I'm talking about kisses and cuddles here, not full-on hammer and tongs. I hate that bloody dog )

Original poster

Bubblegum89 · 03/01/2016 15:21

Well I got a note off the woman downstairs left outside my door this morning basically saying she can hear everything so I guess I have to move...

OP posts:

Lweji · 03/01/2016 15:22

Or she has...

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 23/03/2016 14:39

Send one back

'Hoping you would hear, come join in next time'

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