....well I know what goes where, obv, but I feel like there's a world of sex and being comfortable with it that has passed me by.
I'm mid-thirties, married with 2 DC under 6. I grew up in a very conservative country with conservative parents, and men were painted as these animals who can barely control themselves regardless of how revolting you may be (I was a fat, ugly, awkward teenage girl with a very critical mother, which didn't help). So basically sex was this forbidden dirty thing that must be avoided at all costs, not that anyone would want me anyway if there was a better option available. That's the background.
With every partner I've had (all 3 of them) I found that I generally just did what I thought I was meant to do; there was no burning desire or anything, except for the first few months. I base my behaviour on books/films, due to the lack of any inner guidance, but even then it's never too extravagant (lights dim, covers over top). I still sort of go through the motions now tbh, unless I actually want to come. Then I tend to focus on myself and ignore DH to an extent.
Since having children we now have sex once every 4-6 weeks, if that. As I said, I go through the motions. I tend to prefer maturation to sex tbh, because I don't have to worry about anyone else's feelings but mine. I don't have to face my own inadequacy and lack of proper interest.
The obvious solution would seem to be to try and mend my attitude to sex, but the very thought of doing things like seeking out porn, erotica, whatever, just leaves me wanting to cry and hide in a corner. It's how I used to feel as a teenager at the thought that anyone might ever find me attractive - a sort of hopeless despair.
I can't talk to DH about this. Help please 