I've forgotten how to do everything, please help

[ForgottenHow]

I haven't had any kind of intimacy, never mind actual sex, for a long time. I mean a very long time

The opportunity has arisen now and looks to be just around the corner but I actually can't remember how to do anything. Also, although I'm passable when fully dressed, I'm no spring chicken and my body reflects that. I'm so nervous, please can anyone give me some words of wisdom on how to relax, let go and enjoy?

Don't worry about it. I'd been married for 15 years and then separated for a few months after a good year of no sex when I met DP. I was ridiculously nervous before I met him, (especially having seen pics of his ex!) but actually when we got down to it, we got on so well that any nerves vanished and the excitement took over.

Top tips:

Presuming this is a given, but make sure it's with someone you trust and are comfortable with - if something unexpected happens you need to be able to talk/laugh about it!

don't get drunk so that you can stay in control and make sure it's somewhere you feel safe and comfortable, with an escape route if it gets out of hand!

be prepared (make sure condoms, lube, glass of water etc all to hand to save fumbling)

wear a vest top/cami so that you can keep it on if you're self conscious about your tummy - I only ever go on top if I'm covered up!

Spend lots of time beforehand getting in the mood. It's going to make it better for both of you than jumping in cold, so perhaps try to work it around a relaxed evening rather than after a busy night out.

Otherwise I think it's about going with the flow.

The first bloke I snogged after XH was a bit of a disaster as I actually had forgotten how to do it. However, with DP it was all natural and easy and it's the best it's ever been for both of us, so you're never too old for new tricks

How exciting for you!

None of us are in as good shape as we were. It doesn't matter. I think men are often happy that they are in bed with a naked woman. I'm not sure they are bothered after that

Have a little to drink, but don't get drunk.

Some good personal grooming. Helps to look after yourself and scrub, moisturise, de-fuzz.

Buy some new underwear. I bought a couple of 'slips' so I don't have to walk around naked. Although I do, because I largely think 'I'm mid-forties, mother of 4, overweight. It's not going to get any better than this so fuck it'.

After no intimacy for 5 years with XH, we separated and I met someone else much faster than I had anticipated. I have thrown myself into it, and approach it with great enthusiasm. Once you stop feeling self conscious it gets a whole lot easier.

"Get out of my bed!" Said no man ever, when faced with a naked, but slightly nervous woman he fancied when she was dressed. Just relax and enjoy yourself, it'll soon come back to you! The new underwear is a great idea, just make sure it makes you feel great and sexy, and isn't a purchase designed merely to be alluring to him. Enjoy! How exciting :)

Thank you so much. I want to do this, no question, but I'm actually shaking at the thought.

Do appreciate you taking time to advise.

I was so, so nervous the first time with a new partner. But it was just so exciting.

We're having a great time, I thoroughly recommend going for it.

I was really nervous when I first went to bed with my now DP. I hadn't had sex for 4 years before we met.

I thought I'd have forgotten how to do it even though I was 33 with 2 kids.

I hadn't, I had a couple of glasses of wine over dinner which gave me courage and it was wonderful. My lovely DP was just a nervous as me and its just got better and better.

Don't get too pissed and get yourself some lovely new undies to make yourself feel good!

Bless you OP

I think the best tip I can give is - it's only sex, we're all just humans, and if something goes wrong - like he fumbles around getting his cock inside, or manages to trap your hair under his arm, or you are both sweating and sliding over each other and suddenly your boobs fart, or you decide to impress him my swiftly changing position and fall off the other side of the bed not that I would know anything about that - just laugh it off and carry on! Sex is a natural bodily function and like most of those it can be messy and noisy sometimes, but also bloody enjoyable :)

If you're going to be at his place, maybe have some condoms and lube in your bag and then if you go into the bedroom bring your bag so you can say "I've got a condom here" at the right moment rather than having to ask him.

New underwear is a definite! Make sure it doesn't just look nice, but also feels nice. I honestly don't think there's much sexier than the feel of nice new underwear! Debenhams have got some nice basques in at present :)

OP

In a similar position to you. Recently separated, haven't DTD in years. Am mentally (and physically) prepping for it. I figure if I start to feel
Sexy for myself it will help when it comes to that time. Do the little things that make you feel sexy. For me those are:

Pedicure (I do them myself), lovely red shade looks lovely
Smooth, smooth legs (start exfoliating/body brushing)
New underwear - totally totally works.
A nice new perfume - one that smells amazing on you and if you can buy a product that means you can layer it on subtly (oil/ cream). Some of the perfumes do hair mist which smell magical and men adore. If perfume isn't your thing then a lovely shower gel / natural moisturiser.
Wax/ trim. If you don't like bikini waxing then a trim is essential.
What you eat the day before etc. Minimise the foods that give you gas/ bloat...we all have those culprits. Drinking tons of water helps.
As others have said, enough booze to relax. And that's it.
It's importantly, a sense of humour.

I was in your position 4 years ago. Don't worry, it was like riding a bike, so to speak.

The first time I did actually shake. But since then it has been amazing; far better than I ever remembered.

I also have a few silky slip things but I often whip them off. Enjoy!

So kind, all of you. Very reassuring to hear what you're saying.

I'm sure l felt less nervous before I ever had sex in the first place than I do now. Problem is I think people will assume I know what I'm doing as I have dc, and as I am of an age where you would expect a woman to be sexually mature and experienced. My dh was ill for most of our marriage so sex initially was very straightforward and uncomplicated but tailed off completely after we finished having dc.

Since meeting this man I've been going round saying (in my head, not out loud) "You are a sophisticated woman, you do what you are doing, you are not fat you are just bigger than you were" etc! Off to town now and will have a look at underwear.

Look at it from his point of view. He's probably thinking:

Fantastic - a woman wants to go to bed with me
What if I can't perform - what will she think? Or if it's over too quickly?
How many marks will she give me out of ten?

Just relax - as a man, I think the quality of the sex is down to me

We don't expect perfection - just show yourself in the best light

New underwear. Sexy underwear - nice!

And it gets better with practice

I think the main thing I would want is for a woman to look like she's enjoying it. And appreciates me

Thanks YetAnotherGuy, I kind of overlooked the fact he might be feeling nervous too. He's not acting nervous but I guess that could be a front.

Sore really good advice already. I've just started a new relationship, after 3 years of no sex, 12 years of being with xh and first time with a new partner since having 3 kids ..... I hadn't planned to sleep with him, got blind drunk on first date and it happened, not sure I would have chosen that circumstance, however I had had such a bad memory of sex with my ex that for a long time I never really considered doing it again. It hadn't crossed my mind that I may end up in bed on our first date either, I was just so nervous about the date thing. Im sure once you do it you just won't want to stop and it will get better and easier for you each time. Just try to enjoy the moment and remember he maybe as nervous

I hadn't had sex for 5 years after splitting from ex. A good friend gave a God piece of advice when I mentioned being worried about stretch marks, c-section scar etc. 'By the time they've got that far they don't care about that stuff'. Not to malign men but generally it's true AND they're worried about their own issues (balding, paunch, skinny arms legs, penis size) I have several male friends and this has come up for them following their divorces.

We're all just people. Enjoy and don't expect perfection and laugh off sweaty armpir farts!

I'm in a similar position and it is awful. I'm 31 with a 4 year old DD. Last time i had sex it was awful. It wasa one night stand 2 1/2 years ago, we were both very drunk and at a festival. It was the most awkward experience of my life and he was TINY. It left me feeling bloody cheap and reluctant to ever do it again!
I'm struggling to remember it as fun now. I've met a lovely man who adores me and I'm filled with fear cause I will have to have sex again! I'm overweight and while I was never less than a size 16 I was so confident in bed. Now I'm a 20 and having had a child I'm wondering if everything will be loose, are my boobs too saggy to be attractive and what if I just don't fancy him when he takes his clothes off! I really like him but he isn't my normal type as he is very slim. There is a chance I will feel like a whale.
Drives me mad all this worrying. I think I'm going to have a couple of drinks and go for it.

Actually, so nice to know I'm not the only one!