DP doesn't like condoms.

[Kerantli]

Bit of background; been with DP almost 4 years, in that time been on implant and the Pill, didn't use condoms in that time (both of us are STI free, and have obviously been exclusive for all 4 years).

I came off the pill at the beginning of November mainly because I didn't have a period in the 2 years I was on it, but also because I hated the random mood swings I was having on them. In that time DP and I have had sex twice (once without a condom, once with) then mutual masturbation twice (both times the mutual masturbation was after I had initiated it.)

In the end I demanded asked him why he didn't want to have sex with me, and his excuse was "I lose all sensation down there" and "One time in the past I lost my erection half way through and worried it'll happen again".

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this problem with their DP/DH, and what did they do about it, as if it happens again, I will be breaking out my toys and just ignoring him

(any LTB comments will be ignored unless it's in jest )

MarkRuffaloCrumble the diaphragm doesn't have the highest success rate of all the different forms of contraception, so it wouldn't be ideal if pregnancy would be disastrous. I used it between pregnancies so found it very convenient. Using it properly is obviously very important.
There is no pre-planning involved. You can put it in before you start but you can also wait until you are ready to have intercourse - the same as a condom. It's no more of a faff than condoms.
Yes it puts the responsibility back on the woman, but men have so few options that there's not a lot else that he can do. I hate condoms too.

OP, it might be worth looking at the copper coil. That worked fine for me until my DH had the snip.

You both need to have an adult conversation about contraception and pregnancy. You don't want to use hormonal contraception and may have a latex issue, he doesn't want to use condoms. Is becoming pregnant acceptable to you both? If avoiding pregnancy is important then you either abstain from intercourse or find a mutually acceptable reliable contraception.

Penfold007 in answer to your pregnancy question, my answer was in one of the other posts I posted on the first page - We have had conversations about children, as well as me having two boys already, it'll either happen or it won't happen.
If it happens, it wouldn't be the end of the world for us, just a little inconvenient. If I don't get pregnant, I won't be upset either, and will go back on long term contraceptive.

It isn't that I don't want to to use hormonal contraceptive, it is the fact I would like to get to know my body without the additional hormones I've had for the last 5 years (I was on the implant for three years, pill for two)

We talked about the options earlier on in the year, with me saying that I wanted a year without any hormones and DP agreeing with that, but with the clause that I do go back on them after the year is up (I was the one that said I'd go back on it, not DP). We did agree on condoms when I came off the pill, and I knew about his difficulties before we got the condoms, just like he knew my difficulties with them.

In response to the coil suggestions - I've heard some horror stories with people on them, from horrendous periods to pulling it out with tampons, to the body generally just expelling them for no reason they could see, so I'm a little bit iffy about them

Kerantli sorry I missed that bit I don't blame you for not wanting to use hormonal, like you I have a latex allergy. I've found the coil reliable and fuss free but we are all different.

I've seen reviews of lambskin condoms on lovehoney and apparently they're the best for sensitivity and heat transfer. Pricey though. Thing is, if dps problem is less about reduced sensitivity and more about having developed a complex about condoms in general then changing brand is not going to help.
My dh and I have similar issues.in that whilst condoms aren't a big deal for us, we both miss the feel of each other when we use them. I have the Mirena, a hormone based coil which has helped calm my periods but also comes with unwanted side effects, such as irregular bleeding, increased hair growth, weight gain etc. It once moved, and I began bleeding after sex for a couple of months. A scan showed it was improperly positioned and unlikely to have been particularly effective a s contraception for some time (I'm overweight and the lose dose hormone in it wouldn't probably be high enough to prevent pregnancy by itself).
Dh won't get the snip even though we've had our children-he is worried it will emasculate him and cause sexual dysfunction as a result. It bugs me and I'm looking into Persona. It would also work as an ovulation testing kit if you want to get pregnant at some stage as it tests hormone levels in your urine to determine your fertile times.

Also, in terms of getting to know your body hormone free, Persona would be a good way of doing that as you'd be able to recognise patterns in your cycle and preempt pms, symptoms etc. My pms is awful and the mirena hasn't helped. It's given me irregular cycles I find the mood swings a bit bewildering as I never know when due. My period comes on and the penny drops and I go ahhh, so that's why I kept blubbing/shouting yesterday!

The pill didn't agree with me and condoms were unhelpful for DH's intermittent ED. I had the copper coil problem free for five years till we decided to conceive (which happened immediately it was removed) and will shortly be having a new one fitted.

It did make my periods temporarily heavier but this eased off after a few months.

WE don't like condoms either (and in the early days would have cost us £££).

I have a mirena coil (which isn't ideal but it is what works for me as the pill makes me vomit and normal coils don't suit me.

It might be worth giving the mirena coil a go, there is a chance it might suit you despite problems with other hormonal contraceptives. I struggled badly with hormonal medication previously, to the point where I had severe PMS type symptoms even with a week of norethisterone which I was taking to postpone my period for a holiday. After six months of withdrawal method and a scare, I had the mirena fitted and am amazed it has been fine. I realise everybody is different but it might be worth considering if you're short on options.

Op, I also dislike hormonal contraceptives, for the same reasons as you (plus the bloating). However, I tried the merena coil and its great. I had very light bleeding for the initial 9 weeks, but now it is settled and there are no side effects. I am ultra sensitive to most things, and had horrible side effects with the pill, so was pleasantly surprised.

My friend's dp is like your dp, loses his erection when he tries to put a condom on and then cannot get it back again.

Might be worth asking your doctor about the merena coil.

Honestly I would give the Mirena a go. I had one for years - no side effects, no problems with tampons, no weight gain and with the added huge bonus of solving my heavy periods virtually overnight. It was a little bit uncomfortable to have fitted, but just that. If you do find it doesn't suit you it takes, literally, seconds to remove by nurse at your GP practice.

I hated condoms too - didn't like the having to stop and faff about with them and it takes all the spontaneity out of it.

We've used condoms for ages. I had to stop taking the pill for various reasons but DH has always though it weird that anyone would take medication to alter their hormones so he has no problem with using condoms at all. We use whatever Durex either of us find in the shop.

The Skyn latex free ones are good, and available online

we hate condoms too. we use latex free and I still react to them. sore and itchy after. dp doesn't like them.eother but I don't get on with the pill I can't have a coil and I've heard too many bad stories about the implant and how hard it is to get the damn things taken out.

so kind of stuck really.

I totally understand where he's coming from. they do affect sensation and it's possible to say that without it being about going bare back and having no respect fir someone.

I'm a man who has had similar problems. I used condoms without problems when I was younger and then had many years with the same partner and condom free contraception. Now in my 50s we went back to condoms and it felt different and I got the erection loss with them (no problems with erection at any other time). I found that some condoms are too tight - the best for me are Durex Extra safe. Although thicker the mechanics are better (I'm not circumcised) - I find that these allow my foreskin to move naturally in the tip of the condom - whereas the very thin ones cling and roll under the foreskin.
The other ones that are good for giving proper feeling at the tip are the Durex rib ad dot ones - again I think it is because they are thicker that they actually feel better. The other thing that stops the tight at the tip feeling is to put some lube in the teat before it goes on and to make sure that your partner is aroused (open and ready) and wet - extra lube. A tight entry means that that tight feeling at the tip comes back. I have also found that a vibrating cock ring will stop any droop mid session.

Thanks for the tips Cosmic, that's worth knowing. It's seems counter-intuitive to go thicker but I can see how that would work.

Ooops! I forgot about this!

We did have one disastrous night with a condom (he went soft, I wasn't upset, or angry at that though), the tried the withdrawal method (I know, it's not 100% foolproof) the other night.

The problem with trying other types of condoms is that I really do need latex free ones, but I think I've found some that are latex free (even if it doesn't say that on the packet, it said it on the durex website)that we're going to try and track down this week and try them.

What's his view on vasectomy. I'm not clear whether you want more dc.

Getting the snip is a VERY last resort (like 20 years down the line sort of conversation)

And to be perfectly honest, we're not entirely sure he can even have children due to his very... colourful past. I wouldn't mind another child, and I know he's wanted kids for a while himself (the boys are his step sons, he would like a child that is partially his DNA as well).