Crying after sex

[Sonotsexy]

Help me, I've turned into a nightmare! I think I have ishoos! Hardly have much of a sex life these days due to two small dc, but gradually finding the spark and inclination returning, and dh and I trying to get things started again.

The problem is that I can't stop crying after sex, even if I instigated it and it was a good experience. It is a full on automatic response. I literally weep. I had a very traumatic birth with dc1 which I feel I'm over, but it's the only thing I can think of that is triggering this outpouring.

Has this happened to anyone else? I guess I want to know if I need counselling, or if I can keep trying and it will eventually stop happening? I'm getting really sick of it. Any advice?

Yes this happened to me when I was in the throws of coping with several small children, busy life etc. Even though I wanted to make love I would feel apprehensive and anxious about it.
When we did it, I think it was such a relief that I had managed to make love successfully I felt like crying, and in some instances, I did cry. It was the release of tension.
Also I knew that I could relax for a while, because although my DH was and is a wonderful man and didn't pressurise me for intercourse I could feel the tension mounting in him if we didn't make love.

He would become overly attentive. Patting my bum when I passed, arms around me, kissing me lots etc. He certainly didn't mean to affect me and probably couldn't help himself but sometimes I felt suffocated by his need and his overt attention.
Once we had made love ( I always had an orgasm so it was good for me too) I felt release. Hence the crying.

Now the DCs have all gone and we have plenty of time I feel totally unstressed and I don't feel making love is another chore that I have to tick off. When I was younger and in the throws of young family life, etc sometimes it felt like I was doing it for someone else's benefit.

So, I think you are crying because the release of pent up emotion from an orgasm can be so powerful. Totally natural.

Thanks for sharing. I can relate to your post, and it does make a lot of sense. Dh is lovely and knows how it is, but I want to be back to having sex. I do feel anxious and know that I'm not carefree like I once was. I feel pretty crap in bed and out of my depth. I am very sexually experienced and never used to feel this way. I guess looking back it's been almost five years since we were child free and bang at it! I suppose taking that into consideration, it's no surprise that I'm feeling overwhelmed. Will it solve itself?

Well there are a couple of different issues here. I had to have a few painful talks with my DH when we were young Parents , because he needed to make love, more than I felt like it. His experiences were after all different from mine, as I had physically had the children. I was a SAHM so wasn't overly stimulated during the day.
My life had changed a great deal more than his, after all.

I said to him that I was more than willing to satisfy his needs but that there would be occasions when I would just like him to get on with it. Personally I knew I could make love without being very involved. ( just lie there mode)

He felt guilty because he wanted me to WANT to make love to him as much as the other way around. He didn't feel happy with 'using me' as he saw it. He is the most decent person in the world.

However, I wanted him to be happy, I couldn't at the time do what he asked, and so he just had to get on with it.
But when he got going, more often than not, I got going as well.

I wanted to keep the physical side of our life going as i felt it was very important. I knew that I wouldn't always be tired and it also helped us feel closer together.

So to answer your question do things improve? Yes they do, as your DCs get older and less demanding. You then have more time for you and your DH.

Try and factor some 'You and him' time in there. I got a massage book and some sex toys which helped. At least they make you laugh. Laughing together makes you relaxed. Nice hot bubble bath together, wine, evocative music you like, etc etc. Embarrassing as it may be, you need to talk about sex with him.

Above all, try to look for solutions, not blame, as resentment is a passion killer.
Best of luck as it is not easy. Relationships, I mean.

Try a Mindfulness course for help with relaxation.

It sounds like you are crying because you feel pressure to have sex, rather than genuinely wanting to have sex.