lack of sex

[princessamidala]

Have been married 10yrs have 2 primary aged children.
Happy lives generally lots of cuddling etc.
however we have sex maybe once every 6 months or so!!

We dtd last night and afterwards whilst discussing how much we enjoyed ourselves, I felt comfortable enough to bring up our lack of intimacy.

He actually said that one of the main reasons was that the house is occasionally messy and I put things on his desk!! Really!

There must be more to it surely....

If this childish passive aggression is his usual MO then I doubt you have a genuinely "happy" relationship

Many people with a low sex drive will put a lack of sexual motivation down to anything and everything. The very odd thing is that they actually believe it, as if their sex drive is at the beck and call of everything except themselves. This 'externalisation' can be directed at the environment or circumstance, but when its directed back at the partner wanting increased sexual activity, it shuts them down directly.

But, if you want more sex than every six months, what happens when you are the one who tries to initiate/drive it?

It sounds like he was trying to find a reason for something that he was unable to explain. All he could think of was a couple of minor irritations - I don't believe they are particularly relevant. Sometimes I think people can get quite stressed and little things can add to that stress - they are not the cause but it's easier to blame them than it is to look at the deeper issues.

I think both of you need to put more deliberate effort into having more of a physical relationship. A lot of people will say that planned sex is boring, but you can use the planning to create and build the excitement