another one not having sex

[sunnyyellow]

My dh has ED and has been prescribed tablets though no physical cause has been found. It all began around the time that I became aware of perimenopausal symptoms and I strongly believe that my dh is no longer interested in me now I'm unlikely to be fertile. We've had a large family and he's loved each pregnancy and birth. The reason dh went to the doctor for tablets was because he hoped for one more child. Meanwhile I feel angry as my libido is suddenly through the roof, freed from worrying about pregnancy, and I feel angry and humiliated that I'm clearly not attractive in my own right, but only to make babies. My dh finds it very difficult to let go or experiment sexually, he is always self conscious. I don't know why, there's nothing obvious in his background, though he was late to lose his virginity, with me. He won't go for counselling and wants to rely on the pills. I'd like an authentic sexual relationship with some honesty and intimacy in it, maybe even a bit of variety. I know that my body is less attractive now, after lots of children and no one else would look at me, and in all other respects we have a solid marriage that I want to continue, but no sex is getting me down. What do I do?

Sorry for multiple posts, not sure how that happened

Oh man, anger - the ultimate anti-aphrodisiac. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel angry: you feel what you feel. But I bet you your dh knows about that anger. I've had periods like this with my dw and it's alwaysalways been down to 'external' things, resentment mostly, about housework, partnership issues. You can't feel sexy & turned on with someone you know, or strongly suspect, is mad or disappointed with you. Sort out the issues, then talk about the old days, what used to be brilliant between you.

Has he requested a testosterone test. I assume he has been given viagra.

I have ED caused by the snip and permanent severe pain. I found my testosterone had dropped through the floor . I'm assuming your DH hasn't had the snip. I am on Testosterone replacement but I'm not getting the libido back.

You have to push and push docs and if DH won't go, then go with him.

I know that my body is less attractive now, after lots of children and no one else would look at me

Do you know what heterosexual men, gay men and gay women share? An exact match in commonality of very disparate age gaps in the sexual relationships they share. But older heterosexual women, when they arrive at having less sex in their life than they want, internalise it and find fault with their bodies. There will very seldom be a worse critic of a womans body than she is herself. But whatever your gender, no one can ever come along and find you more desirable than you feel you are yourself, because your psyche will not let the other persons desire be validated as legitimate.