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Original poster

Bondage and trust

10 replies

LoveShak · 18/10/2015 17:50

DH and I have gone months without DTD as his libido vanished when he was on ADs, he also has ED.
He came off the ADs fairly recently and we're back in business.
I've been trying to spice things up a bit, recently doing a bit of shopping at LoveHoney. Wink
I was tied up last night, with a blindfold on. It wasn't on properly and I could see out a bit at the bottom. I saw DH hold his tablet up when I was at my most exposed and undignified and I thought WTF? He was obviously taking a photo but he didn't tell me.
I think if I'm going to engage in something like that I need to have absolute trust in him. Hmm
I brought the topic up this afternoon and he said he'd taken a picture but I would have prefer him to volunteer the information.
I'm not sure if I'm overreacting?

OP posts:
Itisbetternow · 18/10/2015 18:45

I think your DH is out of order. Photos are taken with consent from both parties. You are not over reacting to be angry and sad.

SoConfused15 · 18/10/2015 19:01

No that's not ok. Now would be a good time to have a discussion with him about consent, what your sexual boundaries are, and also safe words.

Goodbetterbest · 18/10/2015 19:26

I would absolutely lose my shit if my OH did this.

You are vulnerable and need to trust him. It's part of the play. He is absolutely out of order. I would be livid.

BearFeet · 18/10/2015 20:17

That's terrible. I'd be livid. My trust would be gone.

MerdeAlor · 19/10/2015 18:42

That's a dreadful thing for him to do, it's a total lack of respect and breech of trust. Serious conversation required I think.

cranberryx · 19/10/2015 18:54

Bondage is about trust in your partner. He has broken that trust and I would be having serious words with him about it, it shows disrespect to you that he has done this without your consent.

I am unsure what a solution would be, but I would be so mad at my DP if they did this!

AyeAmarok · 20/10/2015 18:15

Yep, awful. Complete betrayal of trust.

How on earth did you not say something at the time! Did you just ignore it and carry on?

sexnamechange · 23/10/2015 20:23

IME, bondage and other kinds of BDSM is at least partly about being exposed emotionally and physically and if you don't trust your partner it won't work properly for either of you. You need to give him the power to do that to you and with you working on the knowledge that it is completely safe to do so (although obviously full of vulnerability), and in taking that power that you have freely given up he is also taking on a responsibility to act in your best interests both sexually and emotionally (it sounds like he was more focused on his own needs). As a submissive myself, I would say this is a situation where the submissive needed to use his or her safe word. Something was done that you weren't OK with and wasn't discussed beforehand. You need to set up a safe word (it sounds like you maybe hadn't done this) and also discuss limits. Otherwise this just isn't safe for you and you need to have absolute trust in being safe.

I think you should ask him to delete the photo and have a conversation with him re what you are OK about and what needs explicit consent (and go further than you think you need to because being handed power in this way can lead to people acting without thinking too much - there needs to be a boundary in mind before you start). When my husband and I started to explore this kind of thing, we sat down and talked about it and I was very clear that there were some things that just weren't OK for me.

I'm very sorry this happened to you. Bondage can be immensely sexy but it can also be terrifying and scary if handled wrongly.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 06/11/2015 22:28

How on earth did you not say something at the time! Did you just ignore it and carry on?

Because if sex is that rare you don't want to stop it in case this is the last time for the next month :)

FreeSpirit89 · 13/12/2015 08:36

He needed to seek your consent, in any BDSM exchange consent is vital!

I'd be having words.

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