submissive and feminist

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

I have always been a strident feminist, always believed in equality, refused to be pigeon holed.??I therefore have extreme difficulty combining this with my love of submission, and being humiliated sexually.??I don't know what i want from this discussion, i just needed to get it out.

I don't think it's unusual. I'd describe myself as a feminist and would never stand for anybody trying to control me in my day to day life but I'm submissive sexually too. BUT there are still always boundaries in place and full consent etc so I am still technically in control of what's happening, I assume it's the same for you? I really wouldn't worry too much about it.

I'm sexual submissive but am.of the opinion that this actually gives me the power in the bedroom. I choose what's ok and when to start and stop. I don't see how choosing to be submissive as I assume you have is at odds with the feminist agenda... the important part of this is the word CHOICE.

I wouldn't worry about it too much either.

People's sexual preferences are varied and individual. Formed by who only know what - innate preferences / personality / experiences / society.

I really think that a long as it's all consensual and over age and what-have-you then that's OK isn't it. Sure there are feminist conversations about female (and male) sexuality and whether sexism / misogyny / society tries to mould us in certain directions but even joining in with them at a theoretical level you can keep your own bedroom out of it.

Unless you are feeling uncomfortable with what you're doing.

Loads of men enjoy being submissive in sex as well of course. I don't know if that makes any difference to anything!

Thank you

It's quite common. I would stop worrying and embrace it. :-)

I know how you feel, I too like my DP to be dominant in the bedroom, but when we even talk about it outside of the bedroom I feel embarrassed that I'm going against my feminist principles.

I have come to terms with it since reading a book called The Chimp Paradox, which is essentially about managing anxiety and anger, but the principle is that we have different parts to us, the human, the chimp and the computer. The computer deals with our reflexes and 'learnt' behaviour which we naturally do without thinking - we can program it to have certain responses to certain situations. The human is the part which considers and is socialised, while the chimp as it sounds, is the animalistic instinctive part of us.

The chimp deals with our base needs and desires, food, sleep, sex etc. and while the human in us knows that it is wrong for women to be humiliated and degraded for men's pleasure, our chimp loves the 'alpha male' thing and wants a strong domineering man who finds us sexually irresistible! Thinking this way has really helped me to accept the sides to my sexuality which I found 'unacceptable' before and now I am happy to fantasise about things that my human would find abhorrent, because my chimp loves it!

The reason submission and feminism goes hand in hand, because when I consented to give him control it was freeing. He is a good guy, we both enjoy the power exchange. He respects my limits, and I his.

I'm not oppressed, I choose to be there. I have not been abused previously, and I am happy with the rules he sets out to me.

If someone were to watch out interactions together they'd be shocked. He calls me 'his slut' as terms of enderment, because I am. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him because I trust him and love him completely.