Hi, I felt this may be the only place for me to look for help and get some questions answered as I am genuinely worried. or I am just paranoid.
I started seeing my partner in July this year. He is 48, I am 40. We didnt start sleeping together until a month in. We teased and were so attracted to one another it was amazing. However when we had sex the first time, he didnt climax at all and we were in his room for what was 2 hours, by the end of it, I was bored, shattered and feeling quite confused. Never experienced this at all.
The next time was the same, literally an hour later he wanted it again but whilst still hard he still didnt climax and again I was bored and felt I just wanted to sleep and lost interest, even though he was hard, I felt I wasn't able to please him.
The following 2 days later, we had sex again and the same thing happened, knowing he takes a long time has made me feel like sex is a chore with him.
He says as he gets older it takes longer to climax, so I said ok lets have quality not quantity so its more special.
I am starting to feel we aren't compatible together in this area. Everyone else I have been with in the past, we have had those wonderful times of having sex, 15mins later or 10mins we have both climaxed and off we go again a few minutes later or an hour later and the same again, perhaps later or we both sleep and its all ok. However with my current partner he doesnt want to let it go, if he climaxes its because he has masturbated to make this happen. Then after he has climaxed wants it again with me. i don't,as I am bored. Whats worrying is I have a high sex drive but don't with him, its a month in and I have rejected him in bed already, after not seeing him for a few days a few times now, which is because i am thinking "we will be at it for hours and its boring!" He does make me climax but I tend to do this alot quicker and he says he deliberately prolongs it to make me satisfied even though I have told him it takes too long. I feel its for his own benefit here. He also says I hardly say anything, so its like he is monitoring my words, actions and I am not just able to be myself in bed.
He use to watch porn every night and masturbated twice a night before bed. He also wants me to act out a porn scene he loves which is alot to do with anal as he loves it. I don't mind it but he is always going on about it to me and wants me to do it more, to give him oral more and wear latex and these porn outfits that just isn't me, to please him. I normally don't have an issue with dressing up but I am getting angry and frustrated and feel cheap around him like I am being used in some way.
He loves me alot and admits to wanting to marry me. He has been married twice, once was 12 years long, the other 9. He said his last partner never wanted anything with him sexually and just lay there.Interestingly his father said, take it easy this time and don't rush...part of me is agreeing here.
As much as I have never had any complaints sexually or had any issues in the past, i am feeling less confident around him and losing my sexual attraction because I feel he wants me to be this dirty porn person to substitute for his pleasure. I just feel something isn't sitting comfortably with me sexually.
We just cant have sex, climax and chill, he will try again and pester me, even watching films, we cant just watch a film, I feel quite deflated and I know I shouldn't be feeing this way already. He gives me alot of attention but admits to wanting a lot himself so this is where my problem lies like i am pressured to give him attention 24/7, so when I don't text all the time he says, its nice not to have gaps and to hear from you more. At times I want to work alone, be alone and relax after seeing him 24/7, its just my me time and alone time.
I have tried to tell him, I feel it would be nice to have quality rather than just banging all night, it feels awful and makes me feel quite low too. I am suppose to be going around his house tomorrow night but I am actually dreading it because we are meant to be having this night of sex (no surprise there) and as much as I would normally enjoy this, feel I am dreading it and feel quite low too. I just want normal and great sex, not feel like I am being this object of his needs. he tells me to do this, do that, bite him here, which is making me feel like a robot. I would rather want to do this naturally. I use to be really confident sexually but lately I don't feel it. He also wants me to dominate him more and abuse him but its more to do with how much anal he wants.
The other issue is he has had a threesome in the past which put me off him completely. So the sex is an issue and I like his personality as we get on great but this is really upsetting me. Its still the same after talking to him. He just wants it all the time, normally I do but not with him at the moment.
Also noticed on Facebook he just likes porn pages and girls in underwear/latex.
He went away with his friends last weekend and said "what am I going to do without my release?" Was I his release? only for him to retract back and say he didnt mean it in that way.
Any ideas as I do love him and feel inadequate and slightly low like i have lost my sex drive completely.
We are very affectionate together but this is bothering me, so annoying as everything else is really good.....is it a deal breaker?