need advice help meeee

[mummamarnis]

Hi ladies need your advice been with my DP since I was 16 he was 18 we have two dcs ds 6 and dd 11 mos. Currently bf dd and am on cerazette. My sex drive has only decreased slighty but its not from cerazette or breastfeeding or lack of sleep from young children housework ect....this brings me on to my issue im bored to thr back teeth of our sex life.... I do everything to please him stockings sexy undies sensual massage strip tease dancing ect everything he likes I do plus more and he is v.v satisfied and wants sex all the time my issue is im not satisfied to say the least he doesnt do oral sex never in alll these years I cant fill a hand with the occasions I have had it as much as I respect that someone doesnt want to perform a sexual act and you cant force them and I have adjusted to this im still somewhat resentful as I wouldnt mind if his usual didnt consist of pants knickes off no kissing no manual stimulation no breast touching licking even before breastfeeding bit of missionary then doggy till he cums im left looking at the fucking headboard board out of my skull sex is only good when I take charge which frankly im fed up of doing I dont even get seconds the same night even if I initate sex the same night he will say his dick is too tired and hes quite small not that I use to mind but now im just wishing he would put it to better use oh and he cums soooo quick sometimes im not even wet yet tmi....I dont reinforce his shit sex with faking so it seems he just cares about his cum nothing else it makes me think its me like he cant be asked witg me and im like a wank just a means to an end. Ive tried talking ive tried a proactive approach shoving his head down there jus for him to pop up like a jack in the box and I suggested a bit of a clit rub that lasted a second sometimes he will fall asleep and I play with myself to get off. I dont own any toys might get one. He has never asked for toys or anal he dont like me anywhere near his bum or under balls quite conservative like that havent tried watching porn together might give him some ideas I watch porn more than him honesty he doesnt bother i snoop so i know as i have to delete my gay porn men on men and he doesnt have a phone he seems wholly content im not sorry for tmi

Im not a troll I promise just being honest looking back at my post I sound like a nutter but dont know what to do so gave as much info maybe too much as poss in the hope I can change things as I cant imagine crap sex for life x

Well, it sounds like you've got a selfish wanker there.

The question is, are you prepared to sacrifice the rest of your life to shit sex? So far you've let him get away with this shit for at least 6 years (going by age of your eldest) so he's not going to magically change, is he.

For starters, STOP having sex with him. He's using you as a wank sock, so tell him to just rub one out if he can't be bothered making an effort.

Then you need to decide if you can live with someone who doesn't give a shiny shit whether you're satisfied or not.

As far as I'm concerned, life's too short to spend it having shit sex.

I do think you need to talk to him about this. Shoving his head down is horrible and won't achieve anything.
He could be selfish, he could be lazy, he could just not have a clue that you want more than you are getting or not have a clue how to give you more.
Get yourself some toys to ease your own frustration, then have a proper conversation with him.
This will never sort itself out spontaneously.

Whoah! Try a full stop in there

Tell him
How you feel, get a few books out, and try doing stuff together. I like the book the multi organic couple. There are lots of exercises you do as a couple. It creates intimicy.

Thanks for all replies ladies great to get advice no one really talk to have a best friend and shes great has made many of the points you all have raised.. pocket I do think you right and maybe if I stop having sex he might try a little harder im always trying to please and thinking about it maybe adds to him feeling under pressure to perform and just results in him pulling out his old faithful way of stimulating himself...and im left hanging for some passion and feeling my love and effort I give reciprecated. I cant do shit sex forever its chipping away at my self esteem and confidence. I think in many ways its hard for me as hes not like that in any other aspect of the relationship is really positive loving dad very helpful hands on works hard and still find time to do sweet and considerate things for us and we are really happy in eachothers conpany after all the years we have been very affectionate still are dance together share hobbies and interests but in the bedroom its always been like this...I think I need a go at communicating it again so he gets the message as I tried before didnt lead to much change .......Oddly you are right when you said shoving his head down isnt nice it was a reaction to him doing the same to me as I was giving him oral he shoved my head down causing me to gag I thought it was a bit to much and in the spur of the moment I felt a bit dominant and laid down and pushed his head down gave a half assed attempt and proceeded with old faithful.....sorry nilby my phone sheen is cracked not great for my grammar I definitely want to change things and ultimately I need to tell him as I have done before and try and move forwards.

Talk. Simple

You got together young so I doubt he's had much experience before you. He's probably never learnt different techniques or really understands how to have great sex. You may have to watch films - porn is unrealistic. Try pointing out things that are happening in sex scenes of normal films. Give him one idea at a time. Start with your breasts and build it up. He still sounds like his at the just started having sex stage. Don't leave him if everything else is good but start from scratch and teach him slowly. E.g. Whilst I'm stroking your penis you suck my nipples. It may be as down to basics as that. But he'll get it eventually.