sex shy .. All one way

[s88]

together 10 years , 2 kids , I have some body issues ( size 12-14 so by no means big just general wobbly belly from kids and bit of a bum !)

my main issue is actually talking about it , but I don't actually think my dh realises that it's not just him who should be having an orgasm .. he doesn't really do foreplay , unless it's me to him , and then just races on to the finish line .

Most people will say he's selfish no doubt but I don't even think he realises it . Iv dropped hints but just hate talking about sex but makes me left unsatisfied and wanting to go and sort myself out with a toy ! can't orgasm through just penetrative sex either

At this stage so far into your marriage you really are going to have to spell it out I think.

Do you know what you want?

That's the answer I knew but dread !

yes I know exactly what I want but he's just not into it .

even things like he will just focus on boobs and NOTHING else ( not even big boobs !) he will roam downstairs but then stop after literally 3 seconds and then ill move his hands back down and he will do for about 20 seconds .

oral once in 10 years and he had never done before that with anyone . yet I do give him oral quite often .

I'm open to most things tbh but he won't even involve toys either.

annoying as he'll but very in love and perfect otherwise

he is shit in bed

you are a long time married when the sex is that bad...

Can you do it yourself with a sex toy?

Mine isn't too good but does try, however I think I'm a bit difficult!!

Maybe he's 'shit in bed' because he knows no better and needs educating. In which case OP, it's you that needs to do the educating, :)

Or maybe he is a selfish, entitled arse who doesn't care... Good luck op.

you can't teach an old dog new tricks (if he doesn't want to learn)

You need to speak to him. I don't know how you've put up with it for so long! You are missing out. Seriously.

OP, were you brought up to think that talking about sex was nasty if you were a girl? And that good girls shouldn't ever ask for what they want in bed, because that makes them dirty slags?

I ask because that's how I was brought up and I found it so damn hard to mention anything I might want for years and years. I faked orgasms and had literally hundreds of crappy shags that I would have to get drunk to go through with.

It took me a long time (and the love of my H) to build my confidence in order to get to the point where I could say what I wanted. The first time I said "Lick my pussy" I thought I was going to die of shame. But like anything, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

If you don't ovary up and do it, you will just spend another decade (or 3 or 4) having shitty unsatisfying sex. You have to decide if you're happy with that, but it seems strange to settle for that purely through embarrassment.

oral once in 10 years

Sorry, but he IS selfish. I would have left 9 years and six months ago.

mate, he is seriously shit in bed. If you need to be taught that your partner might actually like an orgasm too, then I think theres no hope.

I could understand if this were 1915 and nobody expected women to enjoy it very much but...

When ds was about two, in the summer, he didn't like wearing a summer hat and took it off whenever I put it on. By the time I'd put it back on the 14th time, he finally gave up and kept wearing it.

So keep putting his hand back there. If he stops and tries to go for PIV, just push him off, grab his hand and say 'this is where the party is right now' or something like that. And concentrate on having an orgasm.

I'm not much of a help in these situations as I don't have orgasms with a partner and don't really know what would get me there. But you do! So you're in a position of strength. Good sex needs you to focus on your own needs at least some of the time, just like he does.

Oral once in ten years???

He's a selfish nob. If he doesn't want to give, he'll be happy not to recieve, so stop that ASAP. Your sex life sounds terrible and after 10 years I dont think you having a chat with him will help. Maybe a sex therapist?

You need to do as the poster above says. Keep moving his hand back until he stops moving it away!