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Original poster

Involving others

15 replies

Notsurewhattothink74 · 02/08/2015 11:10

My Dh has recently been sharing fantasies with me in bed and they are always about me with other men. Is this a bit weird? He really likes me to talk about made up experiences about what I got up to on a night out etc and really gets off on it. I have gone along with it but he is now talking about it becoming reality! Allowing me to go on dates etc and the telling him about them. He isn't jealous at all and I'm sure he is leading up to a asking for a threesome involving another bloke from what he is saying. I'm not sure what to think to be honest. We had a chat about spicing things up about 6 months ago as we had got into a bit of a rut sex wise and sharing fantasies was one of the things we suggested so I can't really knock him for doing it but he seems to be ratching it up a level now. He has no interest in doing the same himself.

Anyone had any experience of this?

OP posts:
Awholelottanosy · 02/08/2015 11:15

Sounds like he wants to be a 'cuckold' ( google it) Its actually not that uncommon a fantasy but depends whether it appeals to you...

Ilikefrogs · 02/08/2015 11:24

If you're comfortable about the fantasising then I don't see the harm.
If you're worried he wants to make it a reality and it's something you definitely don't want, talk to him!
Best to do it when you're not in the throes of passionate sex though!
FWIW my partner and I have similar fantasies that we share with each other and he has said he'd like to see me with another man but although we talk about 'planning it' and it happening we've also had a chat where we've said we don't want this to happen at the moment.

UnsolvedMystery · 02/08/2015 11:39

Spicing things up is great fun, however, I think it can be helpful to put in some limits - things that you absolutely don't want to entertain. That could include involving anyone else in your sex life. That will make talking about it as a fantasy much safer. You will be able to relax and go to town on your imagination (if you want to) without worrying that he will ask to make it a reality.
Don't get pushed in a direction that you are not comfortable with. It's a common fantasy, but fantasies are often better remaining as fantasies.
If you do want to explore it, you need a very thorough and open discussion to set the ground rules and limits.

pocketsaviour · 02/08/2015 12:14

Sit down and talk about it when you're NOT in bed or horny.

MMF threesomes can be really hot but you need to consider and discuss your limits before making any decisions.

FWIW this sounds more like a hot-wife fantasy than a cuckold one.

Original poster
Notsurewhattothink74 · 02/08/2015 12:33

Thanks. I wasn't sure if it was normal at all but I suppose there is no normal is there! It has definitely spiced things up. We were down to once a month very routine sex but this has lifted that to once a twice a week!

When I go out he has suggested that I pull someone and tell him all about it so it sounds to me like he wants to take it further. When I ask him if he means it, he says yes, he isnt jealous. I haven't done anything though as I was concerned it will all go wrong but the idea has certainly got me thinking!

Do you think it's an accident waiting to happen though if we do take it further? I don't want to see him with anyone else and he doesn't want that either.

OP posts:
Ilikefrogs · 02/08/2015 15:07

Only go as far as you're comfortable. It doesn't matter if he's ok with it - you have to be too!
We often go out as a couple and flirt, dance and chat with other people, while exchanging glances with each other and use it to charge up our fantasies when we get home but we've never done anything outside these boundaries and if we did we'd talk about it first and make it absolutely clear what we were both happy with.

pocketsaviour · 02/08/2015 18:02

Do you think it's an accident waiting to happen though if we do take it further?

No - plenty of people do this - it's just we don't tend to talk about it to friends, you only hear the disaster stories when things go wrong.

I do think you need to scope things out beforehand if you want to go ahead.
Things to think about:
Are you going to carry condoms?
Are there any acts which he would not want you to do with anyone else - everything from kissing to anal or bondage?
If you pull someone, does he want you to bring the bloke back to your house (safer) or does he intend you to go to the bloke's house? If the latter, how are you going to safeguard yourself - are you going to text H the address surreptitiously?
Does he want you to check in with him by phone before going off with someone?
How much detail does he want to hear about when you get home?
Is he okay with you staying out overnight?

Original poster
Notsurewhattothink74 · 02/08/2015 19:46

Thanks for your replies. I wasn't sure what responses I would get to be honest. I'm sure loads of people would be freaked out by this but to be honest it has made me feel alive and the idea is becoming more appealing the more he talks about it.

I am going away for 3 days to spain soon with two women who are newly single, for a 40th (they are up for some fun) and he is encouraging me to have fun on this break and tell him all about it. He is definitely ramping it up a notch!

OP posts:
Eekaman · 03/08/2015 00:39

A wonderful lady I met online had her hubby's permission to go and play....

She'd text him to say things like, ''arrived in xxx pub,'' then ''left pub, going to xxx hotel,'' etc. Which is cool, safety first and all that, and he'd reply to 'have fun', you better be good' etc. I'd drop her off at their house later and one night she said, 'oh god, he'll be wanting to screw now, and I've had enough tonight, I just want to go to sleep,' turns out he really got off on the whole thing. Maybe he was enjoying it as much as she and I were?

So, on the one hand, a little odd, but on the other hand, it was very cool of him actually. And the safety aspect was especially considerate of him.

BoxofSnails · 03/08/2015 00:49

My DH has always had this as a fantasy - for him I think this sort of scenario is in his thoughts whenever he is aroused. I have had a few different responses to it over the course of our relationship and certainly can't deny it does something for me to talk about it - however, that's all I'm up for currently. I assume it's relatively common but rarely talked about.

Drew64 · 04/09/2015 11:11

Talk Talk Talk Talk....
I really can't stress this enough. You both need to be very open and honest with each other before engaging in something like this.

We had a very similar fantasy, it was initially satisfied by porn and a dildo stand in...lol
When we were ready to take it further we both openly discussed our limits and took baby steps.

We started out online, chatting on swingers websites, then on webcam, then meeting for coffee a couple of times, then no penetrative sex.

Make sure you are both happy with what is going on at each step and talk talk talk!

We have all agreed if one party (out of three involved) isn't happy about anything we stop what we are doing regardless of how the others feel.

Take baby steps, set limits

coffeebrewer · 27/09/2015 11:09

what happened in Spain?

WallyBantersJunkBox · 31/10/2015 21:11

Drew64 when you say webcams do you mean sex on a private webcam with another couple? Or just talking?

This is something my partner and I have fantasised about.

Not talking...we do enough of that Smile

Branleuse · 31/10/2015 21:16

If you go on swinging websites, there are loads of single guys that are up for being part of these sort of scenarios, and at least they would all know what they were getting into rather than having to entice a stranger in a pub, or risk feelings getting involved.

Branleuse · 31/10/2015 21:17

oh is this a zombie thread

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