Has anyone made their relationship work despite mid matched sex drives?

[Toohotcats]

Just that really. Probably been asked time and time again but..
I think I have a really high sex drive. Been with my OH for 3 years and it started out around 4 times per week and now it's down to about once a week.
I'm also much more experimental than him, but keep telling myself it's only sex and it's not the most important thing. I do find it important though. I'm so frustrated! And because we live together there isn't much chance to let off steam myself ... :-(

I'm also much more experimental than him, but keep telling myself it's only sex and it's not the most important thing.

It might not be THE most important thing, but it's certainly in my top 3.

I have never made an LTR work without being roughly on the same page, desire-wise.

I only know one couple who have made it work and they opened their marriage - he isn't interested in sex so she has another partner. They are both very happy with the set up.

I know of another couple in which the man doesn't appear to have any sex drive at all - they have never had sex together. The woman sleeps with a lot of other people behind his back, and the man pretends he doesn't know. I wouldn't say their relationship works though as there is regularly a load of drama, mainly from her.

The weirdest thing about it is that, we met on a hook up site , so I think I've always had this assumption that he'd have the same, if not more of a "drive" than me. It's so weird to say but, if we'd met in RL or on a "normal" dating site id feel differently and wouldn't have this assumption or expectation from him.. It's strange. Does that make sense? I'm 30 now (he's 40) and I'm not totally sure I want to spend the rest of my life the way things are at the moment, he gets stressed and I know that's a big thing for men where sex is concerned. Personally when I'm stressed I find I want more. Maybe I'm weird.
What I question sometimes is that before he met me he liked porn and read erotic fiction. And visited strip clubs (and yes I don't agree with them but he was single and I'm sort of coming to terms with the idea) yet he enjoyed this type of titilation then but he can't do these things with me or open up about what turns him on.
Sorry I'm rambling now, and on a bus so can't type !! :-/ x

Seems to me if he won't open up about what turns him on then it's more of a relationship/intimacy issue isn't it than just sex drives?

I think for a woman to go on a hook up site the guys must know it's because sexual activity is quite high up there on a list of personal priorities.

That's not judging you at all, Op, because I met my partner in a very similar way. I know that the split is usually 70/30 male to female on them.

It would be worth talking it through with him, as it can escalate into a huge elephant if ignored.

But why can't you attend to your own needs with a bit of onenism op? If you were brave and adventurous enough to join a site then I don't see why you can't act on your own desires.

I have a similar problem and I've been with my DP for 18 months. I wouldn't say it "works," I'm permanently climbing the walls and wanking. We've talked about it but nothing changes. I've stopped initiating because I get upset when he turns me down, and we've gone from a few times a day in the beginning to once or twice a month. It's a huge issue for me. He's told me what turns him on but it's more things he like during sex, and we never get that far! I'm not sure if there's a solution but you're definitely not alone

Perhaps I'm weird because err "sorting myself out" seems to make things worse rather than better!! Maybe I don't know how to do it properly or something (however I know how to finish myself, sorry tmi) I've always preferred sex..
It's difficult when the other Person finds it hard to open up/doesn't want to talk about their feelings.

Oh no it definitely does, but scratches the itch in between iyswim

We have a fantastic poly relationship, we adore each other.