Help! Not had sex for nearly two years

[Goodmum1234]

I have a 4yo and a 10 month old and I haven't had sex since dd was conceived (December 13!!)
I feel unattractive, have no sex drive and feel so sorry for my lovely husband who just accepts it all.
He tries and says I'm still gorgeous/ sexy etc but I brush this off every time.
I feel so bad about it all but feel so low about everything and so sex is the last thing on my agenda......doesn't that sound selfish?
How can I start to move on? I've looked at other posts and think I have the record for not having sex. I can't even blame the children as they sleep 7-7 every night.

I don't think you've set a record, but you're obviously unhappy with the situation.

Do you think you have no sex drive because you feel unattractive? Or do you think there could be a physical cause as well (could be simply tiredness.)

Can you speak to your GP? You can ask for a different doctor if you don't have a good relationship with your normal GP.

I also wonder when you say you feel so low about everything, whether you may have PND? Depression is absolutely a libido killer in my experience...

Yes to all you have said. I had severe pnd with dd1 and it hasn't been the same this time but I occasionally feel very low, it just creeps up on me then suddenly I'm on a downer for a short while.
Can't see how I'm going to sort this x

your kids are both still very young, esp as you have a 10 month old! in time you will feel like your old self a bit more, I am sure. the hormones need to settle, I think it takes 2 years to feel like your old self after a baby. then hopefully you will feel a bit more up for it!

Nope, you're not the only one lovey Up until last month I had not had sex since Xmas day 2013! So actually...counts...that was 2 years five months. Did do other stuff but non penetrative.
Why?
Exhaustion
Co sleeping
PND
Birth trauma
Low libido/EBF
Rectal tear from birth/poor suterage/scar tissue
Prolapse
Resentment re housework
Frustration at being SAHM

But you know what? We got back on track recently and it was good. Surprisingly good considering all the above.
And it came about naturally/spontaneously as opposed to planned/forced ourselves. We have also talked about it at length and done other things the last two years so that helps too. I would try and get some time alone, get him to give you a full massage with zero intent/expectations and seewhere it takes you. Also TMI some decent quality lube might help things along.
Take care x

Xmas day 2012
DC3 born 2013
These things come to try us and sometimes these things take time.

Thank you for all your kind replies. Rita you are spot on esp housework!! My house is a tip and it really impacts on my mental health as silly as it sounds as I'm always thinking there's something else I should be doing than sex.....then things become all too much xx

Thank you for this thread . It's the same for us pretty much to the day! Had all the same things and also husband has really gone off it I think seeing bab y born elect didn't help. I never post as everyone always says ltb never it'll get better . Thanks very much

Ditto. Have had sex a handful of times since dd1 born in 2012. Poor poor long suffering dh. Combination of things. Mainly exhaustion. Rubbish sleeper (still is), co-sleeping, breast feeding, working 50 hours a week plus 2 major exams in quick succession, plus house move, scar tissue, anxiety, probably a bit of depression too. Etc etc.

Lube.
and dressing like a tart helped me

By no means back on track here, but finally feel like things might be on the up (ha!)

Are you still breastfeeding or if not, could you book a weekend away just you and your DH? With no intent to have sex but to spend time with just the two of you....without pressure of tidying the house, playing with and feeding the kids etc. it needn't be pricey....just a night away in a premier inn/travel lodge to the coast or something.

Being a couple when you've got a small child and baby is wearing and you sometimes just forget how to be the old you.

its been 2 yrs since my last sha*g
although she's still breastfeeding ( he's nearly 3 yrs old )

she doesn't let me go near her
separate bedrooms also
I've been looking at hiring a lady of the night , but I've yet to go so far as to book one ( only because of the cost )
last time we did it she was very drunk and she enjoyed it ,but when she sober , she just moans about it :(
I cant see myself going a lot longer before I go and stray
its not as if it will affect her as she's not interested anymore
she once had a very good sex drive