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Original poster

Is this normal?

14 replies

rainsouth · 26/07/2015 10:36

Hi, I'm a regular and have NC'd for this.

Since I've had LO, DH doesn't orgasm when he is inside me vaginally, he just can't seem to however long he goes on. I do feel like my insides are now huge, and not tight like before (I can't even feel him properly - which is another problem). I have asked him about it and he keeps repeating it feels the same as before, and nothing has changed. But I can't understand why ....

However, recently we started experimenting with anal and now he can only reach an orgasm if he enters through the anal canal. He is also very keen on me placing my finger up his anus.

I was just wondering is this normal? Blush I would really like us to enjoy vaginal sex too, but I'm not sure how?

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/07/2015 10:39

Does he have any hang ups about the birth?

I mean the vagina not now being a place of pleasure but a birth canal.

He might be in a bit of a trauma about it?

Either what he saw, or whether you are in pain etc?

sebsmummy1 · 26/07/2015 10:40

Kegal exercises should help tighten you up. I would be concerned about regular anal sex as my understanding is it can cause problems over time. Once in a while, but not as regular sex IMO.

gaggiagirl · 26/07/2015 10:41

Hi OP, how is your LO?
Do you feel less tight or like the furniture has been moved round a bit? Its common to feel like that but you should trust what your DH tells you that it feels physically the same. I wonder if for him it might be a psychological thing after seeing child birth?
Sorry lots if rambling thoughts and no real answers there.
Anal is fine so long as you are fine giving and receiving.

gaggiagirl · 26/07/2015 10:42

Cross post with wally

WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/07/2015 10:45

Always nice to know I'm not rambling either....Grin

Watching a birth really can change a mans perspective on a woman.

Either the pain your loved one is going through, can be frightening. Or I think a bit of awe and fear at what we can do with our bodies.

Agree about the anal sex though...not great for every session.

Are you having orgasms op? How about oral?

Twentyninedays · 26/07/2015 10:45

Well, two things.

Firstly, I've had several children and found that although it takes a few months, you will- you really will- return to normal.

Secondly, I can't see why anal sex is the answer. Is it possible that his attitude is psychological rather than practical? Do you think he struggles with the notion of you being a mother or having given birth? Just a thought.

In any case it is his issue, and one he ought to be willing to discuss openly and honestly.

UnsolvedMystery · 26/07/2015 11:36

How long ago did you give birth? It can change things for a while but it should return to normal. Kegel exercises do help - you can get kegel balls to help you do them.
Anal is fine if you are happy to do that, but it's not a solution to the problem. It should be an extra, not an alternative.
A finger in his anus can be intensely pleasurable for men as it stimulates their prostate. There are toys (prostate massagers) he could use rather than your finger.
It might be worth him refraining from masturbation and not having sex for a short time (1-2 weeks), so when he does then have sex with you, he will be more sensitive to your vagina.

I think it's common for a couple's sex life to be affected by having a baby, but you should be able to recover from any problems.

Goodbetterbest · 26/07/2015 13:05

I found kegal balls really helpful for toning my pelvic floor, so better sex and no more pissing myself (double bonus).

If he likes anal you could try beads and butt plugs (Lovehoney is my favourite 'toy' shop and these are in the 3 for a tenner off). Personally anal for me is birthdays and Christmas only. A treat to be enjoyed on occasion and not the norm.

Original poster
rainsouth · 26/07/2015 15:50

Hi, thanks everyone. It has been over 2 years since the birth so I am not expecting my vagina to tighten up suddenly.

I'm not sure if he has hang ups about the birth, he has never mentioned it. I will speak to him.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 26/07/2015 17:13

If you can't feel him properly, then he will be experiencing an equivalent lack of sensation, but is clearly far too much of a gentleman to mention it!

Have you tried in all different positions? I find missionary doesn't give brilliant vaginal sensation for me but doggy style improves things.

TattieHowkerz · 26/07/2015 17:36

Have you done any exercises or had physio? That would be the first port of call IMO. This can still help years on.

Anal only has a place if you are both into it. Don't end up having it all the time because you feel you "owe" him an orgasm. This is an issue to solve together.

UnsolvedMystery · 26/07/2015 21:30

One position that can sometimes help is if you keep your legs together, either on your front or your back. Not as deep, but is usually tighter.

Original poster
rainsouth · 26/07/2015 21:37

Tattie, how do I get physio? Do I ask my GP?

OP posts:
paintedfences · 30/07/2015 20:32

Flowers OP - in the meantime while you look at physic etc, if you slide a pillow under your hips during sex it makes things tighter/the man feel bigger. I had a partner who was on the small side and this did help.

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