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Original poster

Orgasms new relationship

17 replies

Outnumbrd · 30/06/2015 23:56

Posted similar in relationships, hope it's ok I try here too. I've done women a disservice by faking orgasms in all my relationships/ sex encounters. Don't want to start that with my new relationship, any tips on initiating showing him how to make me cum..... feel embarrassed just at the thought of suddenly starting to masturbate in front of him! Blush

OP posts:
Nevergoingtolearn · 01/07/2015 07:41

Just talk to him, tell him what you like, try out a few things with him and relax.

I know what you mean though, I had to admit that I have faked it in the past with new partners as I was too embarrassed to tell them that they hadn't managed to make me finish. Once you get more comfortable with them and you get to know each other he will know exactly what you like and don't like.

SexNamesRFab · 01/07/2015 08:31

I'm going to continue to be technical/tmi! Is it that you need clitoral stimulation during penetration? If you don't feel comfortable touching yourself, could you move his hand there during sex? I find this easier if I'm sitting on top facing him. You could also make some encouraging noise - "oh god, nearly there, please more etc" (Blush).

Goodbetterbest · 01/07/2015 11:26

Chances are he'd love to see you touching yourself. It's odd that we get so embarrassed about these things, when we are being so intimate.
I have a new partner and it's a whole new experience after XH. We're middle aged (I'm mid 40s) and now I have stopped worrying and just get on with it.
Definitely recommend showing him what you like and maybe a bit of toy shopping to help you along.

Original poster
Outnumbrd · 01/07/2015 12:27

Yes Sexnames, think I need clitoral stimulation too.... I have moved their hands to the right spot in the past and although felt nice couldn't cum Hmm
Also with ex hubby sometimes played with my clit first (privately) then jumped on top in the hope of giving myself a head start.... but to no avail! Also oral doesn't really do anything for me, just makes a wet mess dripping down my bum crack (tmi) I think a tongue is not hard enough on my clit!
Just wanna cum with a man present.......

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 01/07/2015 12:55

How about you do yourselves in front of each other?

SexNamesRFab · 01/07/2015 14:57

Vibrating cock ring? These are so acceptable these days they sell them in boots!! Although I've yet to persuade DH they're worth a try Sad

It may be that you can't manage to orgasm as you can't relax enough with a man present?

Goodbetterbest · 01/07/2015 16:55

SexNames hit the nail on the head there. Game changer for me. New partner brought one along, first time ever (and I've had a fair bit of sex with a fair few different men) for me during PIV sex without me having to DIY it. Now I can do it all the time with him.

Lovehoney is the place to go. Or Sh!

pocketsaviour · 01/07/2015 18:43

Lovehoney are brilliant.

In terms of being embarrassed, I was like you when I was younger. I was shamed about masturbating when I was a child and also absorbed an attitude from my mum that sex was something you had to put up with otherwise your partner would leave you, and only nasty sluts would tell a man what to do. Hmm Also, it's rude to ask for what you want in general, you get what you're given and say it's lovely.

As a result I spent most of my twenties having extremely shit sex and faking it.

Now I'm in my 40s and I've rid myself of shame and learned to really enjoy myself. I have used a vibrator during sex plenty of times if I haven't already come. With my last partner we would often do it doggystyle (anal or vaginal, I like both) and I'd use my vibrator on my clit at the same time. INTENSE!

I always thought I didn't like oral, then I tried shaving my fanjo. The difference was amazing. The pubes were definitely muffling all the sensation.

UnsolvedMystery · 02/07/2015 23:01

It would probably make his day to see you masturbate.
Could you just stimulate your own clitoris during sex? If it gets you there - who cares!
And another vote for Lovehoney. A little bullet vibe might be just what you need.

HootOnTheBeach · 02/07/2015 23:14

Just do it,, chances are he will think it's hot.

Original poster
Outnumbrd · 03/07/2015 10:10

Well I'm all shaved, lotioned, but no sex for me last night, he'd had a hard day at work so went home alone after dinner and drinks! Frustrated, feeling hot and horny. We only see each other about once a week, I'm considering shaggingdating other people too. We've never had any conversation about exclusivity

OP posts:
Original poster
Outnumbrd · 03/07/2015 11:13

ooops that didn't mean to sound like I'm upset at him, more a question about dating etiquette i.e. at what point can you not go out with other people?

OP posts:
Nevergoingtolearn · 03/07/2015 11:22

Outnumbered, I see my man once a week ( at the weekend ) and I would be really frustrated if we didn't have sex, at the moment most of our time spent together is in bed ( too make up for not having it all week ), if I wasn't getting it then I would be looking elsewhere, if your relationship is not exclusive then there's nothing stopping you, it's quite easy to get no strings sex through on line dating Smile.

LoisPuddingLane · 03/07/2015 17:06

I agree. If you haven't had The Talk, go for it.

Original poster
Outnumbrd · 03/07/2015 17:35

Ok so I feel a bit better now about being slightly pissed off at the no sex thing last night after I'd psyched myself up for a completely different sexual experience. Never, I am on a dating sight and have been for over a year and only met 1 guy in person. Not because they haven't asked me to meet but I just haven't felt it with anyone! I might give it a go when the kids are in bed later and actually arrange a date.

OP posts:
Nevergoingtolearn · 03/07/2015 18:13

I tried online dating a couple months ago ( that's where I met the man I'm dating now ), if you just looking for a bit of fun and you are brave enough it's quite easy to find someone, if your looking for a serious relationship it's a bit more tricky and you need to be more selective. For me I was just looking for a bit of fun and a confidence boost after splitting with dh, I met up with a few men and messaged quite a few before meeting someone I felt I wanted a relationship with ( though I'm not sure if it will last ).

NumanoidNancy · 21/07/2015 14:05

In online dating it is acceptable to be meeting lots of people and maybe snogging the odd few during that period but I think if you are actually sleeping with someone then its fair to say they will assume it is exclusive and you should be honest before going off and shagging someone else as well! Most people are not happy with the idea of sharing a sexual partner with an unknown person for all sorts of very good reasons. If they are OK with it being an open relationsip then that's fine but at least tell the poor guy so he actually has a choice to stay with it or not.

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