Sorry this is long but think background is relevant...
Ok, so we've been together 6 yrs. First 2 yrs long distance and just saw each other every other weekend. Always plenty of good sex.
Then we moved in together. Sex increased to every other day on average (sometimes more, but on average)
But about a year after moving in together our lives went a bit awry... OH's business folded, I was made redundant. After several months of constant job applications and getting nowhere we sank under debt. Lost our privately rented home and had to sell just about everything we owned. In the midst of all this I had an abnormal smear and and to have precancerous cells removed. I ended up with a nasty infection after the procedure that took lots of medication and several weeks to recover from. Although not being able to have sex during the infection, sex life apart from that didn't suffer.
Just as we moved to his parents I finally got a new job, and a week later so did OH. But then just another week in we discovered I'd fallen pregnant. Not planned and battled with whether to terminate or not, due to our less than desirable circumstances for raising children. But decided to keep the baby as in the end we both realised we couldn't go through with a termination. Despite all this, sex life didn't suffer too much.
So we spent those pregnancy months working our arses off and paying our debts so we could get our own place for when the baby arrived... We found a little place. I went into labour early - the evening before we were due to move into new house! Caused quite a few disruptions with landlord & estate agent but we got there in the end.
So baby has arrived, but birth was traumatic and prolonged. I suffered PND, PTS and generally found it difficult to adapt to my new life with a baby who wasn't an easy baby. I had to give up work as we couldnt afford the childcare for me to return. Cue sex life takes a nose dive
I ended up on AD's and still on them now.
Over the next few years Ive struggled to raise DS with zero help - OH works a LOT of hours, he's out from 5am until after DS's bedtime at 7pm. I'm 200 miles from my family, his family all work full time. DS is not easy - always been difficult & naughty and I have consistent with discipline which be draining when I'm doing it all alone.
Sex life has never recovered despite our DS now being 2.7 yo. Since his birth we've been through another 2 house moves due to bad landlords, discovered I was pregnant again when DS was 6 mths but miscarried the day after finding out. Was both upset and relieved all at the same time. We've had 2 significant deaths in the family just days apart. I'm devastated but trying to cope. I'm also single handedly planning our wedding that's in July and it's been a BIG stress.... I'm stressed miserable and have zero sex drive.
But none of these events havr affected OH's sex drive and it's causing big problems in our relationship just weeks away from marrying each other.
I find his constant groping of me, sexual innuendos or direct comments of what he wants to do to me in bed irritating. Or him seeing my reluctance to have sex as 'playing hard to get' and still pursuing and pushing until I give in to shut him up, is starting to cause me some resentment towards him.
A couple times he's even penetrated me (not in an aggressive forceful manner) even when I've said I'm not in the mood. He did it again last night and this time I got quite upset and stormed out of the bedroom and slept on the sofa
I don't know what to do. We both love each other, and i respect he works so hard for us. But the stresses of life over the last couple of years have really affected my libido and I can't give him what he needs. But him trying to take it anyway is not making this any better.
When we do have sex, when I do actually want to, it's still good. It's just so few and far between and im frustrating him. He accuses me of not loving him when I don't give it up. I do I'm just bloody tired!
Am I at fault for losing sex drive and not satisfying him? How do I regain it?