New man and problems in the bedroom

[Nevergoingtolearn]

Was going to name change but couldn't be bothered .

I'm kind of casually seeing someone ( in hope it leads to a long term relationship ), at the weekend we had sex for the first time and I was slightly disappointed, although the intimacy was brilliant he seemed to struggle to get a full erection, he's not blessed in the trouser department but not tiny, despite not getting that hard he still managed to finish ( several times ) but I could not. Will he ever get a full erection? Could nerves have caused it? He didn't seem nervous, is there anything I can do to help apart from the obvious which I tried?

I really like him but I'm not sure I could stay with him if things don't improve in the bedroom.

I'd give it another go, it could have been nerves (or had he had a drink?). Also as you get more comfortable with each other you'll get more comfortable asking for what you want.

If he came several times he's likely to think you're amazing so will be doing for round 2. Does he know you didn't orgasm?

If he came several times but at no point - even just before his peak -did he get very firm I'd guess that you've seen as good as it gets, without medical intervention, which is another option. 2 aspects are of significance with members I find - size and rigidity. Doesn't matter too much ( unless tiny) what size they are, firmness is important. So if well endowed but not so engorged, then that's just as disappointing. Depends on age, fitness level and lifestyle - well, preserved and looked after have the edge as the years go by.

If he's single he's likely desensitised his knob by a lot of wanking

He will likely wank less if he enters a relationship and get a much harder cock

Not to quote 'sex and the City' too much but he likely jerked off before he saw you so he could go longer

He hadn't had a drink, yes he came a few times and quite quickly but didn't get very hard ( didn't know it was possible to cum without being really hard ), he's in his late 30's so not old. I think he knows that I did not orgasam . If that's as hard as he can get than I don't think I will ever be able to finish. He is quite good at oral so maybe he can make me orgasam that way ( and I will have to make do ). I would say he is average size but doesn't seem like it when he can't get hard enough. He seems to think he was doing a good job, it wasn't awful but it wasn't brilliant either. I guess when we get to know each other a bit more he will get to know what I like and what to do to me to make up for the lack of erection.

Hiya OP If I were you, I would write this weekend off as first time nerves and let him have another chance. If it continues like this then you may have to consider your options, don't write him off on the first go.

As scrambledegg says, don't write him off based on this one experience. I would say that the first time with a new partner is just something to get out the way as nerves and expectations will both play their part in a disappointing outcome.

I won't write him off, he's coming over next weekend so hopefully things will be a bit better.

As long as he is physically fit there is also medical intervention. See how it goes over time. If no improvement naturally over time and you don't get satisfied enough by his foreplay, a trip to the Dr.'s may help. How you approach that with him could be a whole other thread. But if other aspects of the relationship a good it makes sense to explore all avenues.

Is he diabetic?

*Sorry - does he have diabetes?

He is physically very fit ( sporty type ), pretty sure he's not diabetic . I will see how things go at the weekend, maybe it was nerves though he seemed pretty confident, I don't think he really realised there was a problem ( as he was still getting pleasure ).

Laurie,

You've got that all wrong I'm afraid...

How would excess wanking / death grip desenitised his cock to make it not achieve rigidity? It wouldn't. The alleged death grip is more responsible for making men not lasting long enough. And if he has densitised his knob, why do you see that as a laughing matter?

Wanking less won't give one a harder cock. It might possibly make him cum more quickly when he's with a partner. Nothing to do with rigidity - again.

And as for him 'jerking off' to last longer, this is to take the edge off the first encounter alone to make him last longer, nothing to do with the rest of the evening. :) And OP clearly states he came more than once, so again, nothing to do with it.

Dear OP, sorry to side track your thread. As for your fella, I'm not able to offer any solutions...

This article might help, but everything seems to lump lack of rigidity into the catch all category of ED. :(

io9.com/keeping-it-up-the-science-of-erections-1505157203

Well, 2nd time was a bit better, still not ideal ( not what I call fully hard ), I think some of it is just nerves and he assures me that things will get better as we get to know each other more, he did manage to make me orgasam ( which I thought would never happen ) and overall it was much better than the first time. Hopefully next time will be even better.

When I first slept with my bf (now Dh) he was very erect but came in three thrusts lol he was too excited and fancied me so much but longer we together better it got and now it's amazing. I wouldn't write him off over the first time together.

Well, never that could have been me almost 12 months ago. Erectile problems at first, which he assured me would go away with time. We kinda worked through it albeit not very often due to distance between us, but now... we get each other, it's all good sexually.
But, as we have grown together, i've recognised that if he had never been able to have a throbbing hard cock for me, I'd still be extremely attracted to him and keep the relationship going, because I like him so much as a person.
I guess it's not all about sex.

Thank you Welly, I agree that it's not all about sex, I do really like him , I think things will get better, other than the problem of not being as hard as I would like, he is great in bed,he is learning to know what I like and puts himself out to make sure he pleasures me. I'm sure things will get better each time I see him, at the moment it is a bit of a long distance relationship so I only see him once a week, hopefully this will change once he has met my dc's but this won't be for a while.

Eekaman surely you've got that wrong? The death grip makes men last forever and/or not be able to come with PIV sex because they have desensitized their cock, not make it come too soon.