poly/open

[GhettoFabulous]

This is the thread to talk about our relationships and for people to ask questions.

Why don't you kick things of OP?

I'll spill if you do, OP

I read this Vice article a day or two ago funnily enough.

I have a question. Do you feel you can truly, deeply love more than one partner at a time?

Haven't read the full article, but get the jist.

Yes I think you can.

But our nature isn't for excepting sharing a person. not sure if can put this into words properly.

I think more often then not a person would become envious / jealous of another partner, even if we our selfs can love 2 people.

I think poly takes a lot of practise, communicating, and clear boundaries spelled out.

It doesn't appeal to me - jesus, one relationship is too time consuming for me - but my sister has been doing it very well for about 5 years. I've been out on many occasions with her, her husband, her "boyfriend", and his "girlfriend". They are very close and everything is very natural.

Open relationships, now that's fine for me. I really wasn't built to be monogamous.

Maybe non-monogamous would have been a better title. I have a primary partner, a male paramour and a female play partner.

Twart, some people would say monogamy is a social construction. Not every one does get jealous. There's even a word - compersion - which is the opposite of jealousy, meaning the sense of happiness one feels when one's partner is happy with another.

I've met plenty of people who just don't get jealous, and more who incorporate jealously into their erotic lives, like cuckolds and voyeurs.

I would be too jealous for this but find it interesting that others are so happy in these situations.

What's a paramour Ghetto?

I don't think I'd be capable of loving more than one partner equally and fully. I don't know it isn't something I've tried to think about before. I do think I could be in an open relationship maybe... I really don't know.

I know it is possible, and good on anyone who can make it work.
But I think in general most people would come across this stumbling point eventually, no matter how open minded they start. That little bit of envy over something small, grows and grows.

I think humanbeings are not naturally monogamous. But we also still have in built possessiveness Too

Hmm I think I'd be jealous of my dp being with another woman (or man). I wonder how much of that is due to conditioning though.

I'm not sure I would be jealous of my dh being with another man. (I don't think)
As to me it's something I'm not capable of fulfilling for him. But I wouldn't know really how I'd feel, unless put to the test.

A paramour is a lover. A metamour is the lover of your lover.

No one is claiming that you never feel conflicted in a poly/open. Dealing with those feelings, examining them and still pulling together are the basis of many articles I've read.

And the permutations are endless and unique to the partnership. They don't have to be reciprocal.

I couldn't do Poly. It just doesn't appeal.

DP and I did 'open' our relationship a few years ago but knocked it on the head after some issues (mostly on his part). I really miss it and am working up to talking to him about it all again.

If we split I would never be in a monogamous relationship again. It's not for me.

This has always interested me. Although I can accept that monogamy is a social construct and that it is very possible for someone to be in love with two people simultaneously, it's still something I'd struggle with in a relationship. I'd wonder why 'I wasn't enough', if that makes sense.

I'd be interested to know from those that can manage Poly, have you always been like this? Is it the norm for you and those you are in a relationship with? Does it unsettle your friends or family?

I suppose if more people could deal with Poly then there'd be less heartbreak in society...

I know I couldn't do it, the thought of my dp sleeping with other people whilst I sat home watching telly and getting in to the same bed after, it would eat me up. I would be devastated. I think I would be obsessed with knowing the details and what they were like etc. and worrying he liked them more.

There is no way I could be in a poly or open relationship. I would get eaten up with jealousy.

I'm amazed that some people can be in open/poly relationships as it's just such an alien concept to me.

Absolutely no judgement though, as long as all parties are happy with the arrangement.

My darling wife and I were pretty adventurous in the early years of our relationship, an accidental (alcohol and chemicals were involved) 4sum led to more regular occasions with others joining us. On rarer occasions one of other of us played with others, but not our partner and we both had one on one encounters along the way too. This carried on for best part of a decade, then we closed the relationship due to starting a family.

I've not strayed since, but I have a strong suspicion she might have. I'm not searching for evidence, why should I? We've been married for over 20 years, have a lovely life, terrific kid, we are best friends, we get along great, so why rock the boat?

I don't think I could be properly 'poly', I think I have one true partner in life, but I could easily have an open relationship. I like novelty and meeting people, getting to know them etc but have no interest in taking it further so my husband has nothing to worry about. I don't do it though because he's not OK with the idea. I also used to be very possessive and jealous of him but tbh if we agreed it beforehand I wouldnt mind him having one night stands. I would be jealous if he started to spend a lot of time with someone else though, and speaking about them with a sparkle in his eye and cutting down on sex/attention for me :(

My DH and I have an open?Poly? relationship. Not sure what to call it really.

Its fairly new 6months after 20years together. Its been excellent and really improved our relationship we are very much in love and have loads more sex/are much more romantic.

I've had a few fuck buddies who have been fully aware of the situation and also ONS. They have been carefully 'chosen' to try to avoid emotional attachment (on their part).

DH has only snogged/done oral with someone else but didn't really enjoy it. He's more into hearing about the sex I'm having or shagging me soon after, watching me have sex with another guy or having threesomes.