Teachers - do you discuss bereavement?

[admylin]

A pupil in ds's class (his best friend) lost his mum after a 9 month illness, she died on Friday.

He won't be coming to school for a while but as a teacher, would you speak to the class about what has happened? The dc are all 12 and 13 years old.

There should be some sort of policy in place in their pastoral system.

Shockingly, about 1 in 30 children will lose a parent during their school career. If the school doesn't seem to have anything in place, then the LEA will probably be able to give advice.

Oh, and let's hope they deal in common sense and dignity as well.

Sorry to hear the sad news. I bet you ds is v upset for his friend.

I would as a tutor, explain to the tutor group why child x was away, and that when he came back to treat him gently but normally, and to let him talk if he needed to.

Thanks, he is with his friend now, and they came to us yesterday evening a few hours after she died for something to eat, they had been at her bedside since 7am. It's so sad.

The thing is we're abroad and the dad doesn't speak the language so I said I would let them know on Monday in school and speak to the class teacher so maybe just let her know that she has passed away and he won't be back in.

scaryteacher, missed your post. That's what I would think she could do (the tutor) so they all understand. I'll maybe ask her if there is any sort of policy.

As a school we try to take a lead from the family but usually the child's peers and staff would be told, as inadvertently someone could say something crass. There sometimes is also bereavement/school counselling services available if the child/family wanted it.

I agree with Scary - that's what I'd do too.

My Dc's have 5 friends between them that have lost parents over the years. They have always been told in class. From whta I can gather it has always been handled well.

At my DS's school there have been several bereavements (in fact in one class of 30, 4 children have lost a parent in the last 3 years). The class are told, and talk about it without the child being present. The whole school are usually informed in assemblies, as are the parents.
The school is fortunate in haing a counsellor who helps sometimes, but head of year etc. are very good at providing a listening ear. The main thing is to give a little lee-way but make things are normal as possible for the child.
(Where I work they sometimes get a card, which they can use to go to the office if they just can't cope with the lesson for some reason. The school is very good at spotting if these kinds of measures are being abused.)

I hope your ds's school are as helpful.

This weeks Times Educational Supplement is running an article in its magazine all about bereavement and how to address it at school. It might be on their website if you google it.

Yesterday the teacher spoke to the class and told them to treat the dc gently and respectfully when he comes back and to be nice to him.

When he rang ds in the afternoon he asked what the teacher had said and was OK about it. He seems to be coping very well, contrary to his dad who is not doing too well