Help,how do I deal with a hystrerical teenager re exams

[bourboncreme]

Ds1 is practically hysterical with nerves,crying shouting not able to do quiestions he could do but now can't because it makes him more hysterical.Have tried telling him to stop and do something else but everything I say is wrong .I am at my wits end .Dh is useless he just keeps going on about it being so predicatable,implication being that ds is a drama queen (which he is) and he would never have behaved so ridiculously ,thats so helpful.

Any suggestions welcome I'm desperate

There was a good article in the times on sat by tanya Byron on this very subject with some v helpful advice. Will try and find it.

What about using that herbal stuff that calms you down? If you tell him it definitely DOES work, then the physcological stuff may kick in and he'll calm down. I use it when I have a show to do and it does work, I think. Can't remember what it's called, sorry but will try and think of it. My teen is the exact opposite, hasn't even told us when the exams are and we only found out by rining school and getting the exact dates. Hope he calms down.

I think you mean "Rescue Remedy" Stickyj my friend swears by it for her DD.

DD2 always has at least one 'meltdown' in the exam season, she puts a huge amount of pressure on herself to do well and it all becomes too much. I generally wrestle her books away from her and have a bit of a chat about all that is important is trying your best and she will get through it. The next day she will be back to being a bit more chilled about it all.

You need to get him out of the house, away from the books/reminders of work, and take him somewhere to do some physical exercise - something that he needs to focus his whole attention on, preferably. It's the best way to break the cycle of hysteria.

agree with stickj, Bach rescue remedy is fab.... no idea if it really works but I used it to get through my A Levels and nursing exams. I certainly calmed down!
Discussing techniques which might help him cope might work too, breathing exercises are fab as well (sounds naff) but does work
I wish him well in his exams

Def. find out exactly what he's worried about. If it's the thought of failing his exams, then I'd do something practical and find out about other options - local colleges for resits, open learning, alternatives to his chosen course, that type of thing. Present them to him and say, OK, if you do fail, it's not the worst thing in the world as there are fallback solutions.

Rescue remedies or some other herbal thing (pretend you got them on prescription, if needed) to help his nerves.

Lots of fresh air, fun things and exercise - structured relaxation built into his revision timetable

A clear revision timetable

Relaxation DVD's (or whatever they listen to nowadays!) to help him get to sleep

Have you all leafed through this yet?

Brilliant suggestions here and the MN page is stuffed with even more.

Finally found the Tanya Byron article - HTH

This is not much help for the present, but what is your DS doing next? If he really is this bad with exams, has he thought about switching to exam-light / coursework-heavy qualifications.
This is all part of growing up: knowing your learning styles and playing to your strengths & weaknesses.

A bit better today,yesterdays maths wasn't quite as bad as expected and today should be a good day.The mumsnet hints part about dumping some of it etc is very true I think.Also had a chat with the fantastic school chaplain who teaches ds1and is also extremly popular and well respected by the children..he does pilAtes with them at the beginning of lessons,he was very reassuring and we agreed that as much as possible he is better in school rather than whipping himself into a frenzy at home.To be honest I had a real go last night at the melodrama as well,and he did say that when he starts tonight I need to remind him that he has said last night that he has done quite a bit of work for tomorrow!!

Maybe not very helpful but I do think sometimes " attention seeking " in teenagers should be treated by giving them attention .
If too hysterical to be coherent ,go outside and walk round the block with him ,easier to talk .
Feeding back to him what he's saying - " ok ,you think you've forgotten etc " can lower the temperature ,make him feel he's being heard .
Acknowledge what he's said and imagine the worst case scenarios and how you'd cope with them - resits ?
In my experience - I get a bit hysterical with fear myself - people telling me to calm down ,ignoring me etc makes me carry on even more in an effort to convince them.
Shameful I know .
Maybe get him to write a list of his worries /fears - can be as dramatic as he likes .Cathartic and puts things in perspective to see " my life will be ruined if ..." - seeing it in black and white might help him realise things aren't that bad .
Sounds like school are good .
Sorry if my advice maybe doesn't fit the bill - you can always ignore it !