suspension halfway through exams?

[mortifiedmother]

Am absolutely livid and mortified amongst other things and have namechanged out of shame (I'm a regular and not a troll or DM reporter!) DC is at boarding school which is not local to where I live. Half term at moment and guardian picked up and had for a few days. I get a call yesterday from guardian saying there had been an incident and DC was suspended. This happened last week and DC was informed after the exam on Thursday and guardian informed when collected DC on Friday. I only found out last night as no one at school contacted me. From what I've been told (from guardian) it was a silly incident, (high jinx they tend to call it I understand) that was of poor taste. No one was hurt, nothing was damaged, stolen etc, it was just a joke in poor taste and both pupils involved accepted it was poor taste and apologized. Apparently Headmaster wanted to think about it over weekend and has seemingly decided to make an example of DC and suspend until sepember! At one point he was talking of DC being expelled! I feel this is more than a little over the top bearing in mind A) it was a joke and was in no way malicious B) DC is halfway through AS levels C) I do not live locally and this is why DC full boards. As it stands, I have no where for DC to stay when not at school and guardian cannot take on responsibility as only arranged for school hols. Am I justified in feeling really hacked off with the school for going over the top and not even having the decency or common courtey to let me know about this?

Oh no, how very stressful for you. Can you get to the school to talk to the Head in person?

Also, have they said DC can still attend school to sit exams?

I dont know what your DC has done, but I really feel for you. My DS is also takig AS exams atm and I would be horrified if this happened!

I think the school should have contacted you - do they have a behaviour policy that outlines how incidents should be treated and what the procedure is?

Call the head to ask why you have found out via the guardian. Then discuss the implications of the exams problems.

We have had some 'high jinks' which got out of hand. Some have been expelled, some suspended. Perhaps your school has also had a flurry of incidents and the Head is having to fight several fires at once.
Is there anything in the post today?

Can your DS stay with a day-student during exams?

Speak to the Head about suspension until September. Dont they come back after AS and start the A2 sylabus before they break for summer.

Both DC and I could really do without this stress at the moment. Think there are 4 more exams and DC is allowed to attend only for those exams. As I said in OP, I do not live locally (am currently working abroad) and simply cannot pop back three or four times between now and end of month to pick up and take to school for a few day. Still remain absolutely amazed that the school didn't contact me. They have my email address and phone numbers. Don't have all the school paperwork with me abroad but pretty sure they can't have followed normal proceedures and protocols. Bascially the offence was to have drafted something (as a joke) to go on some website all the kids use. Was sent to other DC involved first for approval (and obviously was never going to be posted, it was just a joke) Was obvious was a joke as the two of them are always playing silly jokes on each other and no one else involved. This time however, the other childs parents saw and didn't see funny side. I am furious with the school for overreacting (in my opinion) last term a boy in DCs class actually posted on FB that a certain (named) teacher was a C* and a twat. He was suspended for a couple of days for that and in my opinion, was a much lesser sentence for a greater crime. I know I'm biased but even so.

Use that example about the facebook incident when you speak to the head.

PS I know that you are furious, annoyed etc but remember that these are the people who will be writing his UCAS reference in a few months' time. Serious sucking-up and brown-nosing required, I think.

Is there not an option for an "internal exclusion"? where your DS is allowed to stay for his exams but he isn't able to mix with others.

I am aware of a similar situation with a friend's son - seems it's a 'silly season' for Sixth Forms countrywide at the moment.

It does seem really ott if no one was hurt and it was not malicious.

I would speak to the parents of the other student involved, to get their take on it.

I would also want to meet the Head and discuss this, and make sure you get your point across. Out of courtesy, I feel that you should have been contacted by the school, and I would let the school know that you would have expected that at the very least.

boardingmum, I appreciate what you are saying but I will not be sucking up to them. My DC has already apologised several times, to the other student (who agreed it was just a joke and who it seems is really embarrassed with their parents) and also to the parents and school. I don't see why I should suck up. This has not happened during school time and was a joke between pupils in response to constant similar jokes between them. Why should I have to brown nose them for a UCAS reference? Head of house and deputy head apparently kept saying to guardian DC is a model student (an academic scholar and a prefect) and they maintain this was not malicious and agree it was just a joke in bad taste. At the end of the day, I am now being told that despite having paid for DC to full board for the 5 weeks I now have to pay for board and lodgings somewhere and transport to the school on the day of exams (3 left I think) which alone will cost around 250 sterling. I don't think that is acceptable. Problem with meeting the head is that I am thousands of miles away and cannot get back to the UK until after the last exam. Webwiz, I am of the same view as you that DC could hvae an internal exclusion. As it is most kids are away on study leave and just come back for exams but with me being several thousand miles away I simply cannot return to pick up and drop off at school for exams. I am going to suggest that DC stays and boards from next sunday to Thursday (exams Monday am and Thursday pm) and then returns for the other exam which I believe is the following Friday. Surely that is reasonable? Apologies for lack of spacing, DC4 appears to have broken my return button I remain amazed that the school didn't even contact me (they send their bloody bills quickly enough by email!) before they made such a decision Does anyone have any experience of suspension, ie should there have been a disciplinary meeting first when all parties (ie parents/guardians/DC attended) rather than them make the decision and announce it in a car park when DC being collected by guardian?

The school should have a behaviour policy that sets out what happens in the event of a suspension. This is an extract from my local independent school:

"Suspension from School

The Headmaster (or in his absence the Deputy Head) may feel it necessary to suspend a pupil from the College for a number of days following a major breach of discipline or an accumulation of disciplinary offences. In such cases it is usual for parents to discuss the situation with the Headmaster either at the beginning or the end of the period of suspension."

I would expect the info to be on the school website.

I don't have any direct experience, only second hand at a state day school.
DS friend was suspended for bringing a BB gun into school and "shooting" his friends (who were all perfectly ok, and quite curious about the gun ).
Parents were called in, and after discussion, Head agreed to a suspension, rather than expulsion which had been threatened originally.

It seems very strange that you were notified via a conversation in the car park! Are you sure there were no missed phone calls or emails, perhaps picked up by someone else at work/home?

JGBmum No, no missed calls or emails, they simply didn't contact me and admitted to the guardian that they hadn't. Of course they are on bloody half term now so don't expect to get anywhere until next Monday and he is due back at school Sunday and has an exam on Monday.
I guess the BB gun (whatever that is) sounds a bit like a shot across the bow but what my DC did was not in school time and was a joke between friends. Really think they have gone OTT and so frustrated that I can't actually talk to anyone.
webwiz will have a look on their website to see what is on there (if anything) Bloody daft to not discuss with parents before them taking this action. I have to say, I am seriously unimpressed with this school (was before this issue) and hell will freeze over before DC2, 3 and 4 go there.

mortifiedmum - this sounds a dreadful situation for your DC and for you .
Hope DC is coping and that this won't affect performance in exams too greatly.
Does school have board of governors or equivalent that you could speak to - any other parents who might offer support ?
Any luck with trying to find someone he could stay with ?
Isn't there a houseparent or someone at the school who could help you with this problem - the accomodation I mean .
If your abroad and the guardian can't help ,what does the school think will happen ?

OK just been reading another thread where a child is being bullied via facebook. Obviously very upsetting for the child involved.
I know you are saying this is not bullying and its a joke between 2 close friends, but as his parents have got involved and are upset by the joke, do you thinks it's possible that the Head has decided (wrongly) that this is a case of cyber bullying and so is cracking down very hard. Posters on the other thread refer to cyber bullying as a criminal offence, and head teachers giving an automatic suspension for it, and expulsion if it continues....
link here

Please dont read this as me saying this is what happened, rather that this might be how the school are regarding it, and hence their response.

If you can make them see that they haved misread the situation, by looking at the wider context of ongoing jokes between friends, then maybe it will give them the chance to reconsider the suspension.

Was the joke racist in some way? They take this very seriously now (and rightly so).

Have you actually tried contacting the school? We usually have skeleton staff on because not all boarders can go home at half term.

mortified mother, I think you've got a valid complaint for the fact that the school didn't contact you about amatter as serious as suspension.
That's just plain wrong and surely must be against their own school rules.

I wonder if you feel you can share what the "offence" was?

I would also be very interested to know which school.

hello all, thanks for all your comments. An update.

Last night I emailed the deputy head (who deals with discipline) and expressed my outrage ref lack of communication from the school. I pointed out that I am miles away but should still have been informed. I accept that DC has been a twat. It was a joke, it was not cyber bullying and I can totally understand why schools deal with this type of incident harshly.
Basically, it was to do with a website where you can register friends (like an online dating website) DC typed up a (jokey) advert on behalf of the friend. The mail then goes to that friend to be approved and accepted. It cannot be registered on there without approval. Friend saw funny side, parents apprently (somehow?) saw and didn't see funny side. Nothing went public at all and apology made and accepted.

It was not racist in any way although the family involved are muslim and perhaps a little more sensitive about it. DC is in no way racist. Has many friends who are muslim, indian, chinese etc and is fluent in arabic and has a lot of respect for the culture.

Anyway, contacted this teacher and expressed many things, amongst which my fury that they didn't contact me and have imposed such a harsh punishment that potentially will affect his exam results and Uni application this year. I have requested that DC be allowed to return Sunday (exam monday) and remain at school until Thursday pm as another exam then. I am not going to agree to paying for trains and taxis and letting DC travel to and from on own and stay unaccompanied in our UK house. If they want to do an internal suspension (ie stay in bedroom and study except for mealtimes and toilet breaks then that is fine by me) I just feel the punishment handed out and the way it was handled is not appropriate. I received an email from the school today (roundrobbin) about a revision study day Sunday morning and have requested/insisted that DC be able to attend this as to refuse attendance may well affect the exam grade. I have received a short confirmation that DC can 'of course' attend this and hopefully the school will now be sensible and allow DC to remain at school Sunday to Thursday to complete next weeks exams.

The school is a so called prestigious school in West Sussex if that helps.

Will keep you all posted. Thanks for your comments and support, they are keeping me sane(ish!)

Pleased to hear that things are looking up.

Is there any chance that the Guardian got the wrong end of the stick? Have you spoken to DC - what is their version of events?

Hi boarding mum

Have not spoken to DC yet, still too angry. Have had emails from guardian and also deputy head (who is on holiday) and versions of story seem to agree. Deputy head seems to concur that they didn't follow due process and were wrong not to have contacted me. I've put forward my proposals and am just waiting to hear. I gather DC is very 'despondent' today as thinks will be going to a local 'skanky' (his words) sixth form college from september and his future is over.
Deputy has given me his mobile number to call but I've just tried and no answer. To be honest, I'd rather keep it to email communication at this stage (so I don't blow it by screeching like a fishwife at him about my PFB)

Am a little calmer this evening and am pleased that at least they have relented and DC can go to Sunday mornings revision session for exam on Monday. Am wondering if I should get DC to go and buy some chains and chain himself to his bed and refuse to leave until after exams

Thanks again everyone for listening. DH won't listen, he has had enough of 'my bloody kids that are bleeding him dry'

LOL @ screeching like a fishwife

In view of our recent high jinks, perhaps not! Anyway, tis single-sex so I'm guessing not much use for your 4 DCs.

Personally I think you are being the nightmare mum.

You appointed a person to be the guardian of your child, in so doing you told the school any communication should be addressed to this guardian. Any further failure in communication is between you and your appointed guardian.

You are also, in my opinion, being a little reluctant to tell the full story about what your son actually did.

Whilst I can understand why such measures maybe needed to protect identities, the fact that you revealed that the parents of the 'subject' of the 'high jinx' were Muslim (without anyone asking about this) suggests that his 'prank' may well have had racist or islamophobic overtones.

If this is the case (and I feel sure that you will feel otherwise) then I applaud the school's actions.

Your son will get over this, but the message will remain at the school; Some Jokes Are Not Funny

at boarding mum. I have 2 of each (I've always been an over achiever) so at least two of them could go to your school. My late father always said divide and conquer in relation to the grandchildren but sadly he only met the eldest two.

Have just re-read one of your earlier posts and am a bit panicky about the A2 work starting before September. I'd just been calming down about him leaving there after the 18th June when he has his last exam (term finishes 2nd July) but now I'm a bit worried as if they do start A2 work in mid June, DC will miss lots!

P.S. I meant it about the screeching bit. I'm very good at writing concise and precise letters in a calm manner but on the phone..........