Nasty girl at school: should I step in and talk to girl's parents?

[Barberofseville]

There's a 'friend' of my dd (both 13)who has been causing problems all through school year, with bitchiness and sarky comments (I've heard them myself). They used to sit together in a lot of classes but we've spoken to teachers (whove all been very helpful) and seating plans have been shifted round, so now they dont sit together in any classes.
This girl and my dd walk home together most days - just because they live near each other. She has her own group of friends, who she sees out of school, and my dd has her own friends. This girl and my dd never see each other at weekends/ holidays. This week my dd has invited some friends round at the weekend. This girl has made dd's life hell going on all week about not inviting her, moaning, bitchy comments all week. Now she has sent her a nasty message on facebook, which really upset my daughter. We can't understand why this girl is making such a big deal of my dd having some friends round - it's not as if they've ever been part of each others social life outside school anyway. Its like controlling behaviour and its making my dd feel she can't invite her friends round, or if she does she has to keep it secret, which I think is just ridiculous.
I've met this girl's mother, she seemed nice and reasonable. So i'm thinking maybe she doesn't know about any of this. We've put up with this girl for months, and I've let it go on hoping she'll grow out of it, but now I wonder if I should ring the girls mum, say i'm sorry she's so upset, it's not personal, but your dd has her own group of friends, so does my dd, please ask her not to send nasty messages. Or should i leave it and hope it will just stop naturally?

This is almost certainly the wrong answer, but yes, if I were you I probably would ring the mother. Check your DD is happy about you doing it first, though - don't go behind her back. If she thinks it might make things worse, then listen to her.

Thanks Hassled. I did talk to my dd about ringing the girl's mum and in one way she wants me to (thinking it might end it) but in another she doesnt want me to (thinking the girl will be even nastier to her if I do). in other words she has the same dilemma as me.

I would say no don't ring the mother. It will undoubtedly escalate things as she will probably defend her daughter and blame your daughter instead. Its what mothers do.

Step away from the situation, ignore the other girl's moanings, defriend her on fb if you don't like what she's saying. Carry on your life as normal. She will get over it.

take her off face book

get DD to have errands to run after school/clubs to go to/appointments to keep at least 3 times a week for a couple of weeks after half term.

dd1 had a so called friend like this- she did finally manage to shake her off. I did take satisfaction though when i bumped into mum who launched into how it was such a shame that the girls never got together anymore. I told her precisley why.

Did you realise this is cyberbullying? Talk to your daughter about it. Make sure the school know. Keep a record.
Otherwise I would suggest getting a copy of the latest edition of "Queen Bees and Wannabees" which has a good section on cyber bullying and how to confront bullying in all its forms (including phoning parents).

Good luck!

(I had to reassure my dd yesterday that just because her "friend" had told her that everyone laughed at what she wore last mufti day, that wasn't true and she should be happy wearing what she wanted. So pleased this friend couldn't go to guide camp this weekend.)

I would get your daughter to de-friend her, send a copy of the message to school and ask them to deal with it.

Make sure you print off and keep any of the evidence. They won't be able to do anything on heresay. Leave it a while to gather enough, then if it carries on, get your daughter to block her on FB and tell the school, giving them copies. Hopefully they'll have a quiet word and things should settle down.

If the girl gets even nastier because she's angry at being blocked then you can go, quietly and in a very civilised fashion, to her mother and show her the printed comments, and explain that you understand how girls can be, blah blah, but it has reached an unacceptable level and upsetting your DD, and if her DD cannot refrain from being unpleasant then could she please just keep away thank you very much. That bit should be easy enough, but what you want to avaoid is a situation where this girl has maipulated a larger group into ostracising your DD.

If the situation gets really nasty (face to face) buy your DD a small electronic dictaphone which she can keep in her pocket. She can secretly press play as she starts the walk home from school, or is in this girl's company for any prolonged length of time, and the conversation will be picked up for anything up to an hour.

Once faced with the hard evidence of their child being a total bastard to another child most parents won't have a leg to stand on, and can't dismiss it as six of one and half a dozen of the other, or 'just kids falling out.'