Incessant talking in class

[itstimmytime]

My dd is in 1st year at high school and is 13 in December (young for her year). Tonight was parents' night and was not surprised to hear that she talks all the time in class. Sometimes to the point she disrupts the class. She has had this problem at school since she was in primary and regularly had to sit alone.

She is universally liked by teachers who describe her as delightful, friendly, kind, bright, entertaining... They find her persistant chatting frustrating as they feel it will hold her back in the future as do I. She is academic and has been in the top stream of classes since primary, is challenged by much of the work, although not all. She is also popular, but I think she has developed a persona of 'class clown'. I know there are more disruptive children in her class as well, but I'd like to deal with this now before it affects her life chances/results etc.

Anyone had this problem? What did you do?

So she's bright, doesn't find the classes too hard, but is quite happy to disrupt them for other children who need to work a bit harder?

I had this problem when I was at school.

My father (a teacher) told me to stop it, that I was being a spoilt brat and behaving in an unjustifiably selfish way, that I was damn lucky and should recognise it, and that if he had to hear any more teachers telling him I was bright but disruptive in class that I would be in a lot of trouble with him.

He made it crystal clear that when reports of any kind came in from school he would be looking only at marks for effort and was not interested in grades. He expected me always to do my best and that getting good grades without effort was meaningless.

Thanks for your reply skidoodly. She said earlier that I had made her feel so bad about disrupting lessons for others that she would really try to be quiet.

I will certainly reiterate what your father said - I too think effort is much more important that academic grades.

I think I have been too quick to respond to the positive and I should have nipped this in the bud years ago.

Did you outgrow this or was it only your fathers'words which made you sort it out?

I don't think I was quite like your DD in that I wasn't an incessant talker from primary school, it was something that developed at around your DD's age as I became a teenager and less shy, more popular.

I was really surprised by what the teacher (it was one in particular, the others all said I was bright etc.) had said and very taken aback by how seriously he took it.

So, yes, I think what he said made me sort it out. Not that there weren't other problems later that he had to have further words about , but teenagers love to make things harder for themselves than they have to be.

My son's been doing this for a while. He finds it incredibly difficult to be quiet in class as he wants to ask questions (he's very, very bright). He finds it difficult to wait until the end of the lesson as he thinks the teacher will not know what he's asking about. He has the ability to multi-task (he did assume everyone else could do this aswell until I pointed it out to him), he can talk and do his work at the same time, I teach him that although he can do this, other's can't so he needs to talk to his friends at play time so they can learn. It did sink in eventually but doesn't stop him from asking his teacher questions.

Is your daughter asking questions when she's talking or talking to her friends?

I think your father was a little too blunt with you skidoodly.

She's my first and I was barely out of my teens myself when she was born, so teenage is fresh in my mind...

I mostly brought her up on my own although I now have a partner and 21 month dd also, so there are other issues at home. Not that she's unhappy, she just gets a smaller share of the pie now which is a bit different for her. On balance, she'd delighted with her sister, but I could see that this behaviour could be a way of attracting attention (poor child I had to take the toddler to parents' night as partner working! I will not do that again!). Not to mention the fact her Dad thinks she can do no wrong and her grades are all that matter. Thank feck he works away a lot!

However, there is no excuse for this bad behaviour and I need to put my foot down... Thanks again.

She is both asking and chatting, but she should be waiting her turn and putting up her hand. Mostly she seems to shout out questions and there is a lot of chatting.

I actually agree with Skidoodly. I think my dd has not given enough thought to others - there is plenty of time to chat outside class and listening and concentration are such important skills.

If it hadn't been for my Dad I think I would have gone completely off the rails as a teenager. He's an absolute genius at dealing with kids at that age.

What's his number? Don't want history to repeat itself here

Message withdrawn

As a primary teacher, I'm very surprised that it wasn't sorted out much earlier on. Years ago.
I had several very chatty children in my class of Y5 in September. Not intentionally disruptive, just enthusiastic and somewhat egocentric.
Whilst helping them recognise what they were doing and needed to stop, I used numerous strategies.
Verbal reminders
Yellow card, red card system
Making a tally on a whiteboard for how many times an individual called out in a discussion session.
Lots of praise for managing to comply.
Varying lessons, so there was some time for free discussion and 'think, pair, share'
Short sessions of working in absolute silence for the whole class.
Can't remember some of the other things I did, I also react as the situation demands and different children often need different strategies to be effective.
I also didn't get cross and explained why they needed to develop some self-control.

Definitely tell your dd about the negative effect she's having on others.
My dd's yr 8 teaching group had 7 intensely disrupted girls who shouted out, talked all the time and thought they were being "funny". It made it very difficult for dd to concentrate and even though your dd may perceive herself as "popular", she may not be in reality.
If you tell her how her behaviour makes others FEEL, she may stop behaving like that.
Not fair on others. And parents will complain (we did)

My DD is 12 and sounds exactly like your DD even down to becoming a bit of a clown. She is one of those who can listen and talk at the same time and it's taken a while for her to realise that others can't do it.

In primary she was moved from her friends, but she actually contributed a lot to the class and teachers really enjoy teaching her. They used her to bounce off of and liven up the class and I suspect she got away with a little too much. She is very quick witted and can't stop herself.
This year she started secondary and has been enjoying herself far too much and it has taken a while for her to settle down. I have had to tell her that her primary teachers knew her really well, and that her new teacher don't know her at all and don't know what she is capable of, all they will see is the girl who talks to much.
We had first parents evening and it was actually very positive. She did get defensive when she was asked by the teacher how she thought it was going, she would always say "I talk too much" I think it was abit of a wake up call for her and she seems to have got over the excitement of starting a new school and making new friends.
I think it's about getting the balance right you don't want to squash her so much that she loses her enthusiasm for school.

LOL @ skidoodly "teenagers love to make things harder for themselves than they have to be"

Thank you everyone for your advice. Bruffin our girls sound similar! I love her enthusiasm, but wish I could help her learn to keep a lid on it in class. She's also at a (state) school which offers performing arts - sometimes they go straight from a dance/drama type class to maths. I expect this doesn't help!
My dd has reported that she tried really hard today and that is all I want to hear. Her friend is round this evening and backs her up but bribery could have been involved lol.
When meeting with teachers last night I asked if they would consider sitting her at a desk alone if it gets out of hand and a couple agree. As it's a new school, many of the classrooms are weirdly shaped and it wouldn't be possible for all, but I did ask them to please discipline her if she is disruptive. I sound like a right old bitch, don't I? I think this would be a wake up call for her and that she would perhaps learn that her teachers are in charge. As I said, she's not the most disruptive pupil, but I think she's at an age where lack of thought for those around her should be diminishing.
My god, I am delusional - a child's lack of thought for those around them will diminish at almost 13. Prob another 10 years til that happens.

I did this at school, it helped when I found out it would disrupt others but TBH they seemed willing to be disrupted! I was just bored really, isn't that what G&T provision is supposed to help with nowadays? I got through it by being told off a lot and by drawing pictures in the back of my exercise book or by reading ahead in the textbook or after I'd finished the classroom work, and took a long time over any diagrams I had to draw. It didn't affect my academic record at all but yes, I can see I was a v annoying smartarse teenager with hindsight.

Don't think G&T exists in Scotland. Thank goodness.

If someone has the ability to multi-task, can't he stay silent while working while also understanding why silence is sometimes necessary?

Do people actually buy that bullshit that being bored is a sign of being a genius?

I think more parents than teachers do skidoodly.

Nice one skidoodly!!!

Sounds very like my DD, sorry to say it has got worse and worse although no real complaints from teachers until Year 10 but just when she should be settling down she isn't.

No advice really but just sympathy!

Oh I know teachers don't buy it, I'm just amazed anyone does.

Boredom is a sign of being boring and lacking the personal resources and wit to find what is interesting in something.

Learning how not to be bored is one of the most important things for children, and most particularly teenagers, to learn.

Thinking boredom is a sign of intelligence is like thinking that impatience is a sign of efficiency.

I love you even more skidoodly.

skidoodly fan club has another member

Agree with you skidoodly about boredom, however OP hasn't said her DD is bored and knowing my DD it isn't about boredom, it's more about an impetuousness that needs to be toned down.