Starting to regret DS's first choice school

[Enchilada81]

Bloody typical isn't it? you have your heart set on a school for 3+ years ... you move house to be in the catchment area, you pull out all the stops and ... you get in ....

But then it suddenly occurs to you that you made a huge mistake.

Basically, DS starts 'school a' in september. It's one of the best schools in the city, has a great reputation and good grades. I can't fault the actual school.

But guess who else got in? all the bloody bullies from primary school. One lad who spends 90% of his time disrupting lessons, attacking DS and calling him names, kicking him and punching him ... his cousin also got in (lied about his address, mother is proud of this and tells everyone!) this lad is likely to stick with his cousin and do what he does and another lad who has made a routine of following DS home from primary, pushing him and his brother over, stealing his packed lunch box etc etc and this lad lives right opposite us so is likely to catch the same bus also.

Now if DS wasn't worried about secondary before, he is now.

Unfortunately, 'school b' (2nd choice) has got DS's best friend going and a number of other nice kids from primary. I wish I'd put that as 1st choice now.

I'm not saying DS has anymore right to a school place than these other kids but I was really hoping to escape 'boy a, boy b and boy c' after years of putting up with them.

I know he'll have to get used to all sorts of kids at secondary but does anyone have any experience of bullies following DCs to seconday?

You could write to the school and ask that your ds is put in a different form to the boys he is having trouble with? Would it be feasible for you to drive him to school if he starts having trouble on the bus?

Children often make a whole lot of new friends when they start secondary school so try not to worry too much. IMO all schools have bullying at some time or other - you just need to be confident that they will deal with it effectively if it happens..

Agree ,talk to school.
And sorry ,appreciate family and all ,but I'd shop cousin's family who lied.
As someone who's child didn't get into local school because of people lying ,you have to remember lying isn't just about "doing the best for your child " it's elbowing out other legitimate ,honest candidates.

def.speak to the school about it and if needs be get ds'primary school to support you
bullying is a serious matter and the new school has a duty of care by law to ensure that your son's welfare is taken into consideration
as a parent who's ds didn't get into our 1st choice school i'm bloody annoyed that people have lied to obtain a precious school place so yes you must report this
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Remember also that you happen to know who some of the bullies are in this school, but there'll be problems in the other school too. You stand a chance of keeping your child away from them in your first choice. Advice as above.

Alternatively, have you looked at the possibility of getting your DS into School B citing the bullies as extenuating circumstances?

Enchilada81 that's terrible!

As a parent whose ds was bullied in pri. school wishing to avoid the same bullies in secondary school, I TOTALLY see where you're coming from and do empathise with you...

Luckily, ds's secondary school is in a completely different borough and he's made a whole new set of new friends, plus his schools comes down heavily on bullying.

My advice is:

1. Inform school (as adviced by others) to have this nipped in the bud
2. If you can, take your ds to and from school (at least for the 1st couple of months)
3. Register him for Martial Arts classes as soon as you can (e.g Tae Kwon Do, Judo, etc) - so that at the very least, if confronted can defend himself!

Your DS is special to you and the last thing the child needs are a couple of twats picking on him at school/on his way home.

DS in yr 7 has got a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and although not the confrontational type - it's done loads to boost his self confidence.

HTH

Also, try to remember that these boys will make up a very small % of the overall number of students starting.

Hi, My nephew was bullied terribly in primary school and the school did nothing much about it. Much to his and his mums despair the bullies all got places at the secondary school he was going to. His mother made an appointment before he started with the head of year and the head teacher to let them know what had happened in the past. They made sure he was not in the same class as the bullies and explained their zero tolerance policy for bullies to her and if bullying took place what he should do. This seems to have worked as the bullies got a stern warning the first time the threatened him verbally and have now left him alone as they know the staff are on to them and watching my nephew.

Also there is an organisation called Kidscape
www.kidscape.org.uk/ which runs assertiveness courses for children who have been bullied.

I hope this helps.

Also the person who lied about their address I would call the LEA addmissions to report them as they are taking a place from another child and its not fair. I'm sure you can do this without giving your name.

I do feel for you. You really MUST inform the new school about the situation. It's surprisingly common and pastoral teams in schools are well equipped to deal with this nowadays.

For a start, you can request that your ds is in a totally different class. Re the school bus - is there really only one? Are there several buses (at different times), or is walking or cycling an option? Even if there's only one bus, the chances are it will be packed with loads of other kids. Your ds will not be alone.

Familiarise yourself with the anti-bullying policy at new school - and encourage your ds to feel confident at making note of what happened where and when (sounds like he ought to be doing this at primary tbh).

And I'd certainly have no qualms about shopping the one who cheated. You don't have to give your name or details.

Good luck

First step, contact the new school and tell them. See what they suggest.

Please report the parent who lied to obtain a school place. The place will be withdrawn and with a bit of luck the little bully will only get a place at a school with 'vacancies' i.e the bad school that no one else wants to go to.