We made the decision, but are heartbroken

[Burroo]

Of all my self indulgent posts, this I know is the worst. After days / weeks of agonising we chose Hockerill over Christs Hospital. It was the sensible decision and on financial grounds, far better for the family; but CH had everything we wanted, was our 1st choice and DS worked so hard to get in, I feel that I have badly let him down. I know this is self-indulgent twaddle, most people could not even begin to contemplate private school fees and Hockerill is better than just good, but can't stop crying about it all. Sorry. Completely pathetic. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

what do you mean?

Expect that usualsuspect is trying to make a point about private schools.
Getting off the subject a bit, but one of the reasons why we and I suspect many others consider casting ourselves into near bankruptcy is not for the facilities or even in fact for the results, but rather because the education you get in many private schools is something that we parents recognise and understand.
DS is our 1st child into secondary school, and the vast majority of schools that we looked at or which I have read about on this forum seem to me to be "another world".
I went to school at my local comprehensive - but we all did either 2 modern languages or 1 modern language and latin, we learned classics, the vast majority took separate sciences, the school had orchestras, bands and choirs, staged major productions and an operetta every other year. I want my children to have those same sort of opportunities in education as I did (which I repeat, was at a comprehensive) and, without wanting to generalise, there aren't many state schools (in my area at least) which offer them.
Pigs are likely to fly before DS becomes any good at or interested in food tech, design tech, or any of the countless other "techs" that seem to proliferate in many schools.
I am sure, that many children do thrive on these "new" subjects which of course I recognise have value and validity in the modern world; but there should also be a place for acquiring knowledge for its own sake and for a sufficiently wide spread of options to enable each child to explore new areas of learning and reach their greatest potential wherever that may lie. Sadly, although my own experience was that 30 years ago you could get such an education for free at the local school, now, in some parts of the country, you can only get it if you pay for it.
Of course it is unfair that some people can afford to pay for opportunities which others can't pay for, but the greater unfairness IMO is that those opportunities do not exist as a right for everyone.
That's why we dithered over our choice. There was no way realistically we could afford the fees at CH although as we needed a boarding school we always recognised that there would be a not insubstantial cost; but the subjects and ethos at CH fitted DS, and like any parents we wanted DS to go to the school that would best enable him to develop and learn to the best of his potential.
Ultimately, we were very lucky to have a very good second option open to us which in the end we took.
What the decision had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with though was private v state!
Sorry. Rant over.

I cant afford private school or a state boarding school so get a grip! You have the choices of 4 or 5 - wake up to the life you are already offering your children that most of us cant achieve. Put a smile on and get over it.

I thought CH did very good bursaries so very few pupils actually pay the full whack. If you look on the eleven plus forum there are very mixed views of CH. I know people who went there and were very happy but it does have a rather particular intake which I think is different from your average boarding school.

Burro- I used to make that argument about if the local state school was good then I'd send my child there. But he just got into the excellent Watford Grammar (and QE boys) and I turned it down for Habderdashers. I think that I am (over)paying for a marginal benefit and I am not "rich" or anything. He desperately wants to go to Habs and it does suit him very well etc. Despite my political and social views, I couldn't resist the urge to give him the very best academic education which he himself is seeking.

So I am wallowing somewhat in my own self pity and marvelling at my hypocritical behaviour.

I think that if I wasn't able to afford it then he would happily go to Watford Grammar and do very well there. I did my secondary education in former British colony where the private schools were nationalised and so all education became free. The schools were all selective and so you didn't have to wonder whether the private option was better or worse. Sometimes, I wish we had that here....

Hello Burroo

Would very much like to be in touch. My son is in Year 5 and we are likely to be trying for CH and Hockerill as for various reasons he is going to be try for a boarding place. How are you feeling about it all now another six months down the line?

Did you know you can PM this poster so the message goes into her inbox?

Agree with Bellissima.

Just think how he'll be thankful to NOT be wearing the uniform that CH insist on.

Small mercies...

Don't cry OP, you made a right choice in my view. Be happy to be offered a place at Hockerill (how can you be sure?). I would have made the same decision (though after receiving so much stick on mn recently I am not sure if my view counts anymore).

I know that it feels difficult and annoying that after DC has done so much, he gets to go to the school where basically he needed to do nothing, but sometimes things just work out this way.

Have a great xmas as I think that you can say that one of the major issues of this year is now solved for you. Ho

Actually, i take my last comment back. I do not know if you did a right thing. I have no right to support you or criticize you on your decision, as I do not know your situation etc.

HOWEVER I can only tell you, that I, in my shoes, having such choice, I would do the same, but I am strange as many people have noted on mn so far (apparently I am a journalist). :)

Hi OP,
Can I ask you a question? Were you living local to Hockerill? If so, how local? What is their catchment area. This is because I would love my children to go there but we live abroad and when we come back I was not planning to go to Hertfordshire. My children fulfil other criteria of admissions there - strong languages and need to board. Is it too much of a gamble to hope they get a place on the basis of these things if we don't live near the school?

Hope the decision is working out well for your DS.

PKPopsy the admissions criteria for boarding is on Hockerill's website and being local isn't anything to do with it:

www.hockerill.herts.sch.uk/year7.html

Had a look at the website of both schools and quite honestly if it is the European school that you are talking about then you have made a great choice!! Wish we had something like that near us!! Good luck and best wishes to your son and tell him to enjoy everything his new school has to offer!!

Do get a grip and move on. Find something worthy to weep and wail about.
Your child will not always get what he wants no matter how much money you have

She probably has coccyx, this thread is almost a year old.

What's happening at Haberdashers Askes Hatcham right now and why have the results gone down so much ? We have got a place there. It used to be a fantastically well performing school but results took big drop last year and I heard there were behaviour issues and that teachers had left because of it. Am worried it's on the decline. Does anybody know anything about this ?

OMG ! Sorry meant to start new thread not add to this one. Sorry, please ignore !

Hockerills a lovely school, just down the road from me. I nearly went there myself.