Sex Education

[BUnderTheBonnet]

Hi,

I'm a teacher at a girls' secondary school, and I am teaching sex ed to year 8 next week.

I've done it before, and I generally quite enjoy it.

We take the whole day, and mainly talk about "respect" issues, relationships with the opposite sex (same sex relationships talked about on a separate occasion) as well as demonstrating putting a condom on properly, and talking about using contraception in general.

Is there anything you wish we would/wouldn't say to your daughters on these days?

Please be kind

Minkah - there was a thread earlier in the year about this and the book that got a lot of recommendations was Living With a Willy. Haven't read it myself though!

The old thread is here

I was joking ealier, of course. I was a very funny question though.

More fabulous links - thankyou!

I want to talk about how loving relationships are fantastic and how sex is a healthy part of that, at the right time, with the right person, in a safe and respectful way. Difficult to pitch it at the correct level for 12-13 year old girls, who have such differing levels of maturity/experience.

It is covered again later on, and they can make confidential appointments with the school sexual health nurse who's in once a week, so this isn't a "once in a lifetime" opportunity. But it might be the first time they've given any thought to their "first time". Does any one think I'm stepping on parental toes? I think I might like to be the one to talk about these things with my dd for the first time. She's only 3 though, so I might wimp out by then

You need to explain how great, amazing, wonderful, intimate etc. it can be with someone you know, love and respect, and how embarrassing, messy (emotionally), sordid and regretable it can be with someone you don't.

Sex can provide some of the best, and some of the worst, times of their lives, and it's important for them to understand that it's the relationship and bond they're forming with their partner that should be the focus when choosing when and with whom to have sex with.

Oh, and explain about the wet patch. Too many girls go on the pill far to early IMO. Condoms should be fine until their bodies are fully mature.

Doesn't the school have a policy or protocol where parents are given a synopsis of what will be discussed? This happened in DCs' school, and a parent could choose to have their DC opt out, or go over the material themselves beforehand. The advance warning period was about two weeks long, as far as I remember. Plus there were handouts given in class occasionally, and the children were supposed to discuss stuff with parents and then bring back the handout signed by the parent.

Parents are told it is happening.

They don't have the right to withdraw their children - this is national curriculum stuff.

We don't really tell them what is discussed. I'll suggest it to the coordinator.

As a parent, I liked having a heads-up about what was going to be discussed because I sometimes found myself fielding questions later after school, often smack dab in the middle of something else, and needed a bit of time to prepare myself for whatever the subject of the day was.

I think a really important thing is to find out where they can access contraception for free in your area - young peoples clinics especially. In the area where I used to live, under 21's could get a special card that they could use in any of the participating pharmacies (discreet sign in the window), and just pass it over the counter to the pharmacist and get a unmarked bag of condoms (looked like you were picking up a prescription) in return. You could also just wander through the fpc clinic (in the health centre, so didn't mark you out as going to the fpc) at any time they were open and get them too.

I well remember the horror as a teen that the family planning clinic at my gp practice was at a time that nothing else was on, so everyone knew what you were there for, and buying condoms meant buying them from my friends mum. So making sure that they know that they can go to a clinic anywhere they like, and how to find out the times etc could make a real difference

My daughter is in yr 7 and has had a graphic video of erections at diff stages and cam inside penis showing ejaculation. Am very open with her and already have told her lots of stuff but does anyone think that such graphic images are a bit too much at 12?
chewpops

Agree chewpops, i do think this is alittle bit much! My DD last year, year 6, was shown a video as part of sex ed, maybe the same one - the erections were on a cartoon figure not a real man! I'd say she was startled to say the least, certainly new information. Overall very good and informative, part of two sessions with school nurse, plus their male teacher, they were encouraged to ask Qs anonymously. 'What if it doesn't fit?'

Parents were invited in to view the video's most explicit parts beforehand, so we were pre-warned for questions. Good conversation with teacher too about sex and the law. 'It is illegal for a boy to have sex with a girl under 16'. I was uncertain about this wording - but it is correct i think. Useful to mention this.

Also agree your year 8s are just 12/13. Lot of heavy stuff being talked about, I'm not sure I'd see my DD ready to talk about first sexual experiences (of the future) for some time yet. Or practical condom stuff.

Most useful I'd say, believe in your own feelings, give some stories of how often girls this age and older do something simply to please/avoid embarrassment/can't work out how not to do it. Not just sex by default - getting in a car with someone who's drunk etc. Boys too. Agree about trying to avoid the emphasis on boy as predator. But need boy parents to contribute that bit.

Enough waffling. Enjoy the day!