Meeting on Wed re dd's low attendance

[Peaceflower]

DD is in year 8 and for a number of reasons has been off for an average of at least one day a week. The reasons include genuine ill health, but mostly it's from an inability to cope well with secondary school.

I have been called to a meeting on Wed, ostensibly to see how school can best support her.

What should I be prepared for, and what questions should I ask?

If your daughter isn't coping very well I would suggest setting up a meeting with the school inclusion officer. The staff are very good at working with the child as a confidant. Having a lot of time off has probably knocked her confidence. The inclusion officer works with the head of year and form teachers so there is a lot of support from all sides.

Have just come back from exactly such a meeting. Dd has chronic medical condition but also huge hang-ups due to back history of last school being unsympathetic. School counsellor and CAHMS (childrens mental health unit) are involved, but the latter only because I asked for it. I have found it pays off to be very upfront about what I feel is genuinely medical and what I think is emotional. They were very sympathetic without being soft. The thing that impressed me was the way they kept bringing it back to dd, making her engage with the problem and try to think of solutions. Since you can't really manhandle a 13yo into school, the only chance of a solution has to lie with her. Of course the proof of the pudding is in the eating (that will be 8.15 tomorrow morning then), but I feel mildly hopeful.

Thank you very much myalias and cory for replying. That's really helpful, fingers crossed something good will come of it.

As a teacher, I think you should - as Cory says - be prepared to be completely honest.

I know how stressful this must be for you, but the school is not your enemy. It's not going to try to trick you, catch you out or find evidence that you're a rubbish parent.

It wants what you want - for your daughter to be back in school with good attendance, and for her to be happy and settled.

If you are all - the school, you and your daughter - pulling together and working towards the same common goal, and put your trust in each other to do your very best to achieve it, I'm sure you'll find success.

Just say what you've said here - that there have been some genuine medical absences, but you are concerned that there is an underlying emotional problem and you'd really like to work with the school to address it.

And then take it from there. Please try not to feel threatened or apprehensive. The school is not the 'boss' in this situation and they can't - and shouldn't be - tell you 'what to do'. It should be about finding a practical workable solution for everyone.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Thank you. Have now had a very useful meeting, with specific things being agreed. I do get the feeling, however, this is the school's last go before calling in the EWS.

I am more hopeful though.

hi peaceflower i also have had numerous meeting about bad attendance,my sons problems started in yr5 due to ill health and bullying.he now cant cope in mainstream school the school have been very supportive they reduced his hours,this didnt work then it was just to go in and say hello and then go home .Then we were sent work home which we currently do now he is yr 8 too.i know lots of children who cant cope in huge schools.i have a meeting today as i want them to refer him to a private school which does 1-1 teaching .we go to camhs and they help as in they said he cant cope in mainstream,does your dd suffer with anxiety and does this make her ill .we didnt realise my ds suffered until he was 11 hes now 12 hope you get it sorted good luck.