Friendships in Y7

[JazT]

I'd be really grateful for some advice...My DD is currently in Y7 at a new school she joined in September. Some of the girls come up from the school's own junior school, others join (as my DD did) from various other schools in the (wide) area. DD has settled well, got a great report at the end of the autumn term, and has seemed generally very happy. However, we were chatting last night and she was saying that the girls in her (friendly) class are now forming smaller groups and she doesn't feel that she belongs to any of them. She has people that she hangs around with at break times but says that she sometimes feels like she's intruding.
She's a quiet girl and pretty self-contained. She's always been well-liked (ie noone dislikes her) but never got many invitations to tea etc even at primary school. She got lots of Xmas cards from her new classmates, so I don't think she's being excluded deliberately.
I feel so sorry for her and I really want to help-particularly as she's being so stoic about it. She says that she's fine, but I think it's upsetting her deep down.

Empirestrikesback - sorry your dd is feeling down about friendships. I am only speaking from experience here of myself. I've always been the outsider and not had a circle of friends, even now. I am very friendly and chatty etc but I just find that I cannot be bothered with the whole friendship thing as I know myself. I dont like having to talk to someone when I dont want to or letting my friends down when I dont call etc so I just dont cultivate friendships iyswim. Yes it can be lonely at times but I am perfectly happy.

Your DD might be very happy in her own company and that of her family. I enjoy my mums company a lot and she really understands me. I've had BF's before but found they were too demanding. Maybe your DD might be like this or she could be shy. Sometimes I do feel left out but only rarely.

It is very hard. My dd had few friends at primary, and it is only now in yr 8 she has a gruop of 3 close friends,. She's very popular, friendly, chatty, confident- but has ocd which made her put up barriers, as she didn't want people knowing about it.
She does lots of sport which I think helps.
Are there any lunch time clubs she'd be interested in- maybe debating, friends of the earth etc?

Hi Mimiso and deaddei.
trouble is deep down i dont think she is happy with the situation. i think she wd like to be out with friends at weekends/after school. She said this weekend that she felt like she doesnt' have any friends which i thought was very sad. She talks about her friends at school though, so I am a bit confused about what's going on with her.ive tried to get her to join clubs etc but she doesn't want to. She asked me to stop pressurising her about it so I haven't said anything recently.
You know what it's like - when she feels down, so do I.

I do sympathise, my daughter is in year 8 now and the friends she had most in common with didn't transfer to the same secondary school. She used to have a different best friend every couple of months. At the school Summer Fair I felt sorry for her as he clasmates had all gone together but DD was with me and her siblings.

I used to ask her if she wanted to move to her friends school but she didn't want to. there was even a bit of bitchy semi bullying happening where a couple of girls used to snigger at her when she walked past but the year head nipped that in the bud.

In year 8 she was put into different tutor groups and ever since she met a little group that she gets along with. sSe doesn't resally hang out in a group out of school as she likes to read and play with her younger siblings.

I sometimes remind her to ring her friends but she happy in her world of books at the moment. Her new friend is a bit of an 'individual', she'll go into town on her own and browse Waterstones, I find her a bit aloof but I think she's a good influence generally as she has inspired my daughter to love books even more than she did.

If you give it a bi of time i'm sure your daughter will come across some like minded friends in the next few months.

Just to add my daughter didn't want to join any clubs, I had a bit of a chat and told her she was very lucky to get into her school so she joined German and Spanish in yr7 and then in yr8 the Drama club. My daughter goes to her Dad's every other weekend so maybe her school friends are in a similar situation to my daughter. I dont think a lot of yr 7 girls at my daughters school were hanging out much at weekends anyway. DD often goes to her friends house for a couple of hours but they're not at the same school

You may want to have a chat with your daughter's form tutor, they may have some insight or be able to help, it can be done in a sensitive way to not upset/embarass your daughter.