What's your experience of same-sex education please?

[GrimmaTheNome]

I went to a mixed grammar-turning-comp which happened to be on my street, and so that's all the experience I have. We're pondering DDs secondary choices and these include both mixed and single-sex, near and somewhat distant.

I hear mixed reports about single-sex - on the one hand, that girls do better without boys but on the other, that the young women thus produced are essentially either unable to handle men at all or that all they want to do is handle men!

My own gut feeling is that mixed is preferable, but unfortunately the schools available which have the best academic record aren't. Choices boil down to:

1. mixed local state comp (quite good, not stunning)

2. mixed local private (ostensibly better results than the comp but I'm not convinced of the 'added value')

3. all-girls grammar - academically excellent (if DD gets residual place, and its a long journey)

4. excellent selective private school, we're right at the end of its bus route. This is a bit more interesting: it has a girls and a boys division, they are taught separately but can (to some extent) socialise and do activities together. This sounds like it might be a very good arrangement - any of you with experience of it?

Forget (if you can!) the state/private part - I know the pros and cons well enough and don't want to get bogged down in them. Its the single sex thing I'm interested in here. The other major factor you'll note is the distance (the academically best schools are furthest) so if you have experience of longish bus rides I'd be grateful to hear about that too. IRL I'm suprised not to have heard real negatives on that score.

Thanks!

On the fourth alternative my cousin went to a school paired like this and it did seem to work quite well on the socialising front (joint choirs etc). Certainly she seemed to have more friends who just happened to be boys than the girls from my school who saw boys as entirely people to get off with (pretty much regardless of whether they were actually nice people). However her younger brothers and sisters went to a differet mixed school and they had even more normal relationships with boys. At my school over 50% of the girls left at sixth form for mixed colleges and boys schools with girls in the sixth form, and the predominant reason was that there were boys there. Our headteacher found it very annoying (very few girls schools have boys in the sixth form). When I did the same and went to a boys school with girls n the sixth form I was appauled at how badly the boys behaved there, so I don't think all boys schools are a good idea either.

The other issue at all-girls schools is that they can be terribly bitchy and appearance conscious (this might be so at all schools of course, but I know of a couple of girls schools where this has been the culture).

Re. travel I do think that can be a disadvantage, and the local comp would probably have the smallest catchment (private schools tend to have larger catchment areas, and grammar can have children with very long commutes). If you want your dd to have an independant social life then it is certainly a consideration. It is a bit crap if all your firends live a long way a away (even more crap if they live relatively close to each other and a long way away from you).

I went to a girls grammar school in the 80s and loved school and thrived academically.

I did not find my school bitchy or appearance-conscious, but often find this is an assumption made by others about girls' schools

Unfortunately the equivalent boys school was miles away so we didn't share any lessons or out-of-school activities with them, unlike other grammar schools in the area.

I would consider sending my DCs to a single sex school, but would be reassured if some mixing with other schools was happening.

I have a brother, so I didn't feel at sea with boys. I did find though, that I missed out on early teenage friendships and dating with boys, so that when I went to University I was more motivated to make friends with boys than girls (not in a sexual way !!). Other friends of mine didn't feel this, because they did tennis lessons, or drama, alongside boys, so I'd bear that in mind, too.

Oh, sorry. I also had a long (30 min) bus ride to school. Most people did as well, because of where it was located. I don't see this as a drawback. The journey, in itself was pretty enjoyable - meeting up with friends on the bus.

I suppose it meant that we didn't "hang out" on week nights in the way I imagine my DCs would if they go to our local Comp.,but my 2 best friends were nearby and we'd see each other at weekends. I'd see other, local friends who I'd been at primary school with, at dancing lessons, and actually it's quite nice to have friends from outside your own school.

Reading this back makes me see how positive I found school. I consider myself to be pretty socially well-adjusted (despite being up at 3 am on MN !)

GrimmaTheNome - just to add. We send our DSs (age 9 and 7) to an 'girls scool'. They have been in that environment for their whole school life. There are 96% girls and 4% boys in the school.

Not sure what that does to boys but the experiment seems to be going well so far.

I went to both all girls and a co ed at secondary school level! Loved both. I have no hang ups about either. Neither did anything better or worse than the other that really stands out.

If I had to say anything I would say all girls was a laugh! No pressure to be anything other than just me with my friends. No boyfriend pressure or to look cool infront of the boys kind of pressure not that there was much at the co ed, but it was ever so slightly there!

In the process of choosing senior schools for my eldest. Am considering both which puzzles alot of peeps as they seem to think you need to be "For" or "Against" one or the other. I think the final decision will come down to the SCHOOL and what it can offer my daughter as a whole and not whether its single sex or co ed.

I went to an army co-ed comp, followed by a similar international school. Then at the beginning of the 5th year (half way through the O level syllabus) I moved to an English girls boarding school (it is now a very good one, but was going through a bad patch mid-70s when I was there).

I, too, hated the bitchiness of all-girls schooling - despite being one of 3 sisters, it took me completely by surprise. More importantly, as a scientist, I found the chemistry teaching poor and the physics appalling. I also really missed the academic competition I had been used to from the brightest boys at large mixed co-ed schools.

I went to a single sex girls' grammar many moons ago, and, as an only child, I had a great difficulty mixing with boys in my mid teens.

Because of this, I was a little bit reluctant to send my ds to a single sex school, although, come year 7, I had no choice, as all local selective schools are single sex (and it is within 500m of our house).

However, life is different for young people these days. They are far more likely to network, and to use MSN / facebook to expand their local friendship groups. Ds also started rowing (through lottery initiative), and joined the rowing club in Year 8. This enabled him to meet loads of girls and boys from totally different schools (private, state, singlesex, mixed...). The friendships have continued even though most of them have left the club, and a number of his close group of friends are 'networked' from rowers.

Not sure about girls'/boys' subjects: I did 3 sciences, and ds is doing art and graphics!!

Actually saw a more sensible compromise ages ago...

A school where many of the lessons were single sex... a few mixed, but the teengers could mix socially and as got older date.

Thus less pressure or distractions in lessons but enabling development of relationship skills and rookie relationships.

Kinda made sense best of both worlds and also gives a mix of mised time and single sex time for girlie, blokie talk

Is that called the diamond system, or something? Anyone have actual experience of it?

how about same sex lessons and mixing sexes in playgrounds?