When did you first notice the behavioural signs of puberty in your DS?

[faraday]

Not strictly 'secondary' I know.. but!

DS1 is almost 10 and in Y5. He's just recently started becoming quite unpleasant at times! Often he's his usual sunny self, then suddenly he's being downright mean to his little brother, almost 8; he's 'gobby'- though that only really goes as far as shouting 'Shut up!' which isn't tolerated in THAT tone of voice; he's becoming unreasonable (he's desperate to sleep in our only family room for some reason, just for a night! I've said Yes in the summer when DH and I can sit in the garden with the brazier on a long, beautiful calm summer's eve, but NOT BEFORE THEN as it's not fair on us- "But that's not fair, you don't always WATCH TV!", implying that I have no right to sit in my own living room with my DH if DS wants to sleep there- then, when I make it clear the discussion's over I'm treated like I've just told him he's banned from his DS for a year- stropping out of the room along with 'Just shut up!'!!)

DH won't handle this at all well (in general). I'm trying to explain that the stirrings of puberty are Magi-mixing DS's brain but DH thinks DS CHOOSES to behave like this. I think he's grappling with feelings he can't yet control, but it doesn't stop it enraging me! And IS 9 a bit young for this to start?? Though a couple of the fellow school-mums tell me similar stories of increasing cheek and unreasonable behaviour!

10

And yeah, they get lippy
Its seperating themselves from their parents and becoming independent and their own personality shines through

You must be so proud and annoyed at times...sure sign that our baby boys are growing up

Yes, I'm hoping that me trying to UNDERSTAND what's going on in his brain- nonplussed though I am at him still only actually being 9!- might help me cope in an adult and mature fashion when the storm hits for real!

You hear such horror stories ('Living with Teenagers'...!) and I had a bit of a difficult adolescence- but DH seems to have swanned through his BUT he does come from a weird family where 'Family Unity' or at least a show of it and 'No Dissent allowed HERE' was absolutely paramount...DH left home to go to uni at 17, as well, whereas his older DB NEVER left home, his 'focus' and loyalty always remaining with his mother, not with life partner. He's 54 now and still in the family home! I am worried that DH just will not be able to cope with DS, 1 or 2 as he just won't 'get it', seeing this stuff as just chosen bad behaviour, not the first flush of puberty...!

I have just bought these two booksblame your brain
from the book people
They are actually aimed at teenagers. They only arrived this week so haven't had a chance to read properly but had a dip into them and look interesting.
DS is 13 and had all the physical signs of puberty (voice broke at 12, huge growth spurts etc)
We do have the odd sulleness and attitude but in many ways he seems happier, but he has always been very mature for his age and I think he is less frustrated and catching up with himself if that makes sense.

DD is 11 and we have all the attitude as well.

faraday - same here. I find it comes and goes. Ds is 11 now and ... oh boy. I'm finding I feel very mixed - pleased he's growing up and really sad that he's clearly no longer a baby (which, logically, he hasn't been for ages, but you know ... .)

We've had a fair bit of attitude and even refusing to go to school (he's 11! Still at primary!).

And I'm so with you about the terrible teenage stories. I was sooo drawn into the whole Myerson saga.

Glad you posted - it's nice to know I'm not the only one. Everyone else I talk to seems to just sort of shrug.

i think the 'gobby' attitude generally starts when they set of to secondary school. So around 11 years old.

Sounds like the first signs to me. Truculent is the word DH always uses!

I fully expected this kind of thing from DD, But it did come as a shock to me that it happened to boys at such a young age. Some go through stages of being 'tearful' as well.

Why do you think he's desparate to be allow to sleep in the family room. Does he want the chance to watch programmes he wouldn't normally allowed to watch? Friends might have told him about what's on Sky after 9pm. If it's someting suitable you could record it for him to watch at weekends.

They do start to go on about what's FAIR and THEIR rights, and it tends to be all very one way . Parents/sibs rights do'nt matter.

We have 3 DS , 15, 13, 12 so far too much testosterone flying around. Things get very heated at times. 15 year old doing GCSEs, 13 year old a mouthy year 9, 12 year old also well aware of his rights!

Can anyone please tell me what the AVERAGE age of puberty is for boys? And how do you actually tell?

I mean, we know when girls start their periods. But is it when a boy's voice breaks, or has his first wet dream ( ewww! at the thought of trying to establish THAT one! I mean, are you meant to you check their sheets, or ASK them FFS?? ).

DS is 12.8. He is 5'4" and weighs about 9 stone, but has no outwards signs of puberty as far as i can tell, apart from the odd hair which he is still unselfconcious enough to brag to me about. (Blimey, I'm turning into Julie Myerson. Slap me quick! ). His voice is naturally quite deep.

Will he just turn into a Kevin the Teenager overnight?

On third teen here.

Very hairy legs quite a good sign of puberty, I always think, bearing in mind we are not allowed to view any other part of the body

I think the main thing is don't treat them like an alien when they get to teendom. They are still your child, ignore most of the minor misdemeanours, concentrate on the major ones (they can slip by you, if you concentrate too much on tidying rooms etc). Irritating though they are, they still seem to want you to just 'be there' when the shit hits the fan, so to speak.

Keep communication lines open, even if they are being truly hideous.

Sense of humour helps, as does agreeing with DH/DP on how to handle the major traumas.

(ps Cherryblossoms, why did you bring up JM AGAIN!!! Have only just stopped obsessing about her, and now.....)

Doesn't puberty actually start in both boys & girls at about 8/9, or even earlier.

In boys there is nothing as obvious as periods. The age their voices break varies a lot. Wet dreams.......you may well find you need to buy more boxes of
tissues/Andrex! and provide a bin to put them in....best leave it at that!

My 12 year old is still very much a boy. His 13 year old brother(18m older) is definately a young man.....gobby & a bit smelly but a young man!

I didn't really notice other changes until after major growth spurt. After that his voice deepened and he started to have few hairs on top lip. DS is dark haired. IT's not as noticable on fair hair boys. I've no idea about hair anywhere else. I'm sure I read somewhere that in boys their feet increase in size before a growth spurt so that my be the first sign.

Agree with bagsforlife a united front with you and DH is very important.

A lot of the mouthing off is bravado. There is still much of your little boy in them. They are under too much pressure and home is the safest place to let it out.

Even the untidiest bedroom can be cleaned if you/they blitz it every so often. Also they can play sport in kit straight out of the washing machine. Mine have had to.

faraday - snap! Exactly the same here. Mourning the loss of my lovely 9yo and trying hard not to lose it too often with my lippy, moody 10yo.

I actually spoke to the school about it. Our very experienced form teacher said this was typical in Y5, part of the growing up process, moving towards y6 and being "kings of the school", worries about next school etc etc etc.
I felt reassured that at school he was still considered delightful!

Does you ds' school have a counsellor for the kids? My ds, when being rational, recognised that his behaviour was not always ideal and as he said "i find it hard to control my temper and mood sometimes". He then spoke privately to the NSPCC person at school who comes in twice a week to help the kids talk about their problems. I think he was reassured by their chat.

Yes, I do wish there was someone he could talk to, perhaps to help him understand himself a bit better and to be helped to see how his behaviour impacts on others!

I mean, I KNEW puberty was 'out there', but I guess I wasn't expecting it in my small, scrawny, no-physical signs AT ALL DS at 9! I mean, I'd ALMOST say it's purely bad behaviour but the fact other mums of similarly aged boys are telling me the same thing makes me think that deep within him, hormones are stirring, maybe? I know as well he has confided to my mum that he's sad at losing Y6 at the end of this year as he has a lot of mates in there (a combo Y3/4 a couple of years ago) AND he knows he won't be going to the same secondary as them.

A few years ago, Prof Robert Winston did a series of was it 6 programmes about things like 'Pregnancy', 'Childhood', 'Death' etc and one was 'Puberty' which was VERY good. I recall seeing it and thinking it would be a good programme to show a DC entering puberty to help them understand the Magi-mix effect puberty has on their brains. But we don't do teenage very well here in the UK, do we? I mean, HOW many secondaries have instigated the good idea of Y8 or 9+ lessons starting at 10.30am and ending at 5? Win win! DC gets that much needed lie in, thence up and off to school; and no unruly teenagers wandering the streets between 3pm school chuck out and 5.30 parents home from work!