choosing secondary for sleepy child

[mimsum]

ds2 is currently in y4 of an allegedly outstanding (but actually fairly bogstandard) state primary

we're starting to think about secondary options for him - he's very bright, esp so in maths, but has fine motor skills problems which mean writing is very difficult for him - he can write, but it takes a long time to get much down and he avoids it when he can

his brother is at an academically selective boys' independent and at the moment ds2 thinks he's following his brother. dh and I are not so sure, partly because ds1 and ds2 are chalk and cheese and we're not sure ds1 would be able to resist the temptation to bully ds2, also that ds2 is neither particularly sport or musical and ds1's school seems to suit dcs who excel at something but mainly because he has always been incredibly difficult to wake up in the morning - a real owl child - and he'd have to get up at 6:30 like his lark of a brother

the local state option is 5 mins walk away, has an extension stream and ds2 would have lots of local friends there, sport is fairly dire but that wouldn't worry him much and in many ways I suspect would suit ds2 better than ds1's school

however I worry that if we don't send him to an independent school he'll resent it later - but even if we send him to another independent or one of the neighbouring borough's grammars, he'd still have to get up much earlier than he's ever shown the inclination to before

arrgh this is going round and round in my head and I can't reach a conclusion - any thoughts would be welcome

Hi, not sure I can help you decide which school, but I'd suggest you start laying down some thoughts about "looking into schools for you" as early as possible to make the concept seem "normal" long before you get to decision time. If he remembers the process you went through with deciding for ds1 then it would be worth doing the same things this time round. I'm hoping that you looked at state as well as independent for ds1. That way, you can introduce the idea that it's not automatic to follow ds1, and that you will all consider all the possibilities to find the best school for him as an individual. I think that would minimise the risk of him resenting the decision.

thanks AMIS - we certainly looked at all the available options, state and private, for ds1 and it just so happened that the school which we felt would suit him best was fee-paying. We are lucky enough to be in a position to pay for ds2 too if needed but I don't want to send him somewhere just because it's private

I'm wondering as well if anyone's had a very sleepy child in the morning successfully negotiate an early commute

I was an owl & hated getting up early, but went to a secondary with an early commute. You just get used to it. I wouldn't rule it out just based on that - do you want him to rule out any career in the future that needs an early start too?

I agree with snorkle that get up time shouldn't be a deciding factor.

I think you need to take each child as an individual and think what will suit them. I have a child in private and one in state. It doesn't have to be a cause for problems, if you are genuinely looking at the whole child. I suspect your younger ds is just assuming that he'll follow older brother because that's all he knows, rather than actually really knowing the school and wanting it IYSWIM.

Go and look at all your options and think it through - you have time on your side.