Please let me know what you can do about a child being bullied

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my brother recently married a woman with two girls of 7 and 12. The 12 year old is being bullied at secondary school. It's one girl in particula and of corse her followers. When this girl is on her own she dosn't bother her, it's only when she's with her mates.
My brothers wife has been up to see the head at the school, and she was told that the school dosn't stand for bullying and that the girl was given a detention.
Two days later my brother got a phone call saying can you pick your step daughter up from schoolas she's had a knock to the head.
When he got there he was told that a child threw a bottle at her and she had a big lump on her head.
My brothers wife has been to see the mother of this girl and apparently, she was very loud and aggressive and every other word was a swear word.
My brothers step daughter is called a "boff" because she gets on with her work and she's verbaly and physically abused every day at school. I feel so sorry for her. She has bunked off loads of times too.
She wants to change schools but no ware has a place for her.
Her Mum has basically told her to ignore them, and my brother has told her to stick up for herself. She just seems so unhappy to me, every time I see her.
If anyone could give me any practical advice that I could pass on to them I'd be greatfull.

I would keep her off school (if poss) until a place at a better school came up.

Make sure that everything that happends is reported to the school. Get the girl to keep a record of whatever happens - dates & times etc. SPeak to the girls form tutor, head of year, pastoral care person etc.
If the school doesn't stand for bullying then they will have suitable procedures & policies in place to deal with it. It shoudl be left to the school & I wouldn't go directly to the parents of the bully as you are then putting yourself at risk

and to add 'stick up for yourself' may not be the best policy - depending on what she does to retaliate (coudl end up in more trouble herself).
Would not advocate keeping a child off school because of this - legalities ??

I know that "stick up for yourself" isn't the best advice, my brother is only 22 and has no idea really.
I'll ask her to record all the dates and times so that they have a record.

I wouldn't have approached the girls mother either, but that's because I'm a wimp.
She didn't get anywere from talking to her anyway.

Ask to see a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy. Contact Kidscape to ask their advice.

Definately they need to go in and talk to the school & tell them everythings that happened.

Thanks Freckle

The school should have a proper policy re. bullying. The mother should go to the school (perhaps with your brother for support), make an appointment with the head and speak properly about it. Would you consider going instead if your brother can't go? You are obviously concerned and could articulate your worries to the school.

It sounds as though your brothers step daughter is a 'fish out of water' at that particular school, but the school should have ways of dealing with it.

The mum could always speak to the form tutor as well. It is a very difficult situation and very sad for the girl involved. But I am sure the school does have strategies for dealing with this sort of thing if a parent comes to speak to them about it.

If the head has been seen and this hass not been resolved the governers is the next step.

lots of advice here and also kidscape

Hi MML
This makes me so mad
If an adult was hit over the head with a bottle in the street or the work-place then the police would be called!! But because it happens in school, to a child, it's accepted as the norm!!

Bullying is serious and can be devastating for the victim and schools cannot tackle it (they can have as many anti-bullying policies as they like, but it is worse now than ever!!)See my post on the Bullying Forum for latest stats.

Could you not report the incident to the police yourselves? This won't necessarily improve the situation at school though

If things at school did get un-bearable for the child then her parents are within their legal rights to remove her from the school register and home-educate, even if it is just until a place is found at another school.

info about bullying and home-ed at

www.education-otherwise.org/HE/rmount.htm

I sugested home ed to my brother and he said that he couldn't stand her at home all day.

Thanks for the websites.

I'll pass on all the info and hopefully something can be done.

She's a quiet hard working girl and she deserves a decent education.

Kidscape run Zap! courses which are for children who have been bullied. It deals with their issues of self-esteem, etc. DS1 went on one after we'd withdrawn him from primary school because of bullying. All the children on the course (there were about 12) were the loveliest children you could hope to meet and the treatment they had suffered at the hands of their peers would stagger you.

The course really helped DS1 and made him realise that the bullies had the problem and that it wasn't about him.

What the others have said. The school have a duty to deal with this and deal with it effectively.

Keep a record, and if there is ever another incident like the bottle I think your brother should go to the police. Or at the very least inform the school that he will go to the police if they do not not take effective action. The school won't like the publicity, so that might get things moving. Also, I would have thought it is perfectly possible for them to exclude a child who attacks others with bottles. You can't of course tell the school how to punish the other child, but if they realise it's a choice between this and having policement tramping around their premises, they may make their own minds up.

not sure where they live but red balloon have centres in cambridge norwich and london for children who have been bullied. they are excellent. I'm afraid I would either (a) involve the police or (b) make repeated appointments with the head and tutor after every incident. They have a duty of care.

and this is anti-bullying week as well!

Poor kid! The only thing I can suggest is that EVERY time there is an incident the child's mum (and your brother) make an appointment to see the head teacher and ask what they are doing about it. They need to report every physical incident to the police as assault (at that point the police have to inform Social Services who will have to visit the school) and generally make it clear that it will not be tolerated.

There is something called a "managed transfer" that most people don't know about - basically two head teachers can get together and agree to transfer a child between schools even when the "host school" is full as their funding goes with them. We managed to do this after DS1 was assaulted by a teacher and everyone pretended it hadn't happened until the same teacher broke another kid's nose in front of about 30 witnesses. We spent an hour in the head's office and made it clear that he would be seeing us on a VERY regular basis if he wouldn't help sort it out. DS1 started at his new school within two weeks. Good luck.

Even if no other schools have places for her, you can appeal, and would probably win on these grounds.

sunnydelight- That is horrific, what happened to the teacher?

He was suspended after the broken nose incident, but it took about a year for him to be dismissed. Apparently he's now working at a private school in town!!!!!