Any other potential solutions to this?

[OrmIrian]

DS#1 didn't want to go to school today. Pretended he was sick. In the end we managed to get to the bottom of it. People are taking the p out of his hair which is long and blond. SOme yr 10s called him a girl and some other Yr 7s joined in. I gather it's been going on for a week or so.Behind all the bravado DS is a bit over-sensitive and this is his idea of hell . I don't want him to get put off going to school. We told him that he had to either a. get his hair cut - he doesn't want to and anyway it would be capitulating to the morons, b, just ignore or make a joke out of the teasing and hope it will go away. His preferred solution is to stay at home . My preferred (unvoiced) solution is to go in to school find some of the little shts and jump up and down on their b*llocks .

If this continues is it a matter for the school? Or would that be too precious for words? Any other solutions present themselves?

erm, he could batter one of them

there is a big difference between getting it akll cut off and having it cut - there is an inbetween that could be stylish - i think it needs you to sit down with him and pick a hair style.

i recking they will get over it - the name callers, unless your son is a weedy type and then it could turn into bullying.

i would aslo tell him that everyone has got something that can be called names about -if your the type ofperson to do that.

maybe the main protagonist needs your son to laugh at his shoes or his school bag.
i am sure there will be lots of 'pc'answers - mines not one of them!

Thanks custardo. I told him to take the p* out of them too or make a joke of it. Draw the line at thumping though (I reserve that for my imagination ). He ain't weedy as such but tends to be the sort of boy who clowns a bit and everyone likes but not part of a clique. Not the usual target of bullying at all. I'm sure it will blow over.

discuss it with his form tutor/Head of Year...give them a call at lunchtime when they maybe around

Thankyou. I will try. His tutor has just gone on mat leave and I can't remember the name of his new one. I will ring the school and ask.

I have just realised this might have been going on longer than I had thought. His grandfather picks the DC up from school on Wed. DS#1 has to wait outside school for him to pick up the younger 2 from primary and then get him - he won't wait there, because he gets confused by the crowd he says. Am wondering if that's one of the times when the comments are made.

This is hard OrmIrian. Many children will get teased during their school career and whether it carries on can depend on what the cause is and how the child reacts. In some ways having an unusual hairstyle as a 'talking point', which he has clearly chosen, can be a bonus, because if he personally likes it and is proud of it, he can say so.

We have a lad in yr7 with very long 'girly' hair, and whilst I admire his guts, personally I would try and persuade my sons against this. But ds1 stands out in all sorts of other ways too, and has to learn to cope with it.

ds2 just wants to "fit in" and hates any kind of teasing or name-calling, and as a result gets a lot more of it. (ds1 couldn't give two hoots what such people say, so it doesn't matter even though in many ways he is 'more different'.)

I think fundamentally it is linked to some kind of deep self-esteem as to whether children are really bothered by this sort of thing or not. I wish ds2 were not affected by it so much.

Sorry, I've burbled on for ages. I think your son should think carefully about either changing his look to be less conspicuous or finding a way to be less susceptible to the teasing.

Thanks roisin. I think the answer has to be to grow a thicker skin. If he gives in now he will have to give in every time anyone questions his looks/behaviour in the future. What happens if he gets teased because he has freckles or because he's so tall, or because his mum is 'posh', or any other factor that he can't change? However it has to be up to him. He doesn't want to cut it atm. I have always said that their clothes/hair etc are their choice - I care about how they behave.

As it happens he was fine when he got home. No more teasing apparently. DH thinks he might have been exagerating to get a day at home - DH is very cynical though. We will keep an eye on it.

I think some children do have a thicker skin than others, but I'm really not sure why.

ds2 has just had the second of three surgical (GA) operations to remove a large unsightly birthmark, and this process was initiated by him because he didn't want to be different, and had been teased about it. (As it turns out there is a significant skin cancer risk too, but the teasing/self-esteem stuff was the beginning of the process for him.)

He is happy to be going through this, which involves considerable pain and discomfort for him, as well as inconvenience, because of his overall desire to "fit in".

I know this is not a healthy thing and I wish he were more like ds1.