How do you choose a boarding school

[blueskyandsunshine]

We are in a very difficult situation and feel we have to walk this road rather late in our son's education. (Y9/10)

But it is very new to us and there is an enormous amount of choice. How do you find out about them? How do you narrow down the choice? Has anyone used an educational advisor in this way? I am overwhelmed by the possibility of getting it wrong in a major way.

Thanks for your help, if anyone has experience they can offer I am grateful.

"most parents must" -- what am I talking about. Everybody does.

You also need to look very carefully at your budget. Canford, the school I mentioned earlier is fab, but currently costs about £24000 per year, without uniform and all the extras, and it is the extras that are the killer.

I wouldn't personally go for a single sex school; if I do decide to send ds it will be to a co-ed school, where they get used to the opposite sex being around.

A friend has just sent her lad to Millfield, as the sport is so good (he wanted to go) and he is loving it.

Yes I wouldn't do single sex either. I have been looking at budgets and, boy, so has my dh. It worries me that resentment could be caused but that's a whole other issue we need to examine most seriously.

I haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if I am repeating what others have said. It's a tough decision to make as there is so much riding on it, both for your ds and for you (as you need to be sure you have got it right, especially if you are overseas). My ds1 has boarded since he was 9, and we have just been doing the rounds of senior schools.

One of the best bits of advice I got was to make sure the school we went for was a boarding school as opposed to a day school which took boarders, so that there were other boarders around at the weekends. Ds1 is at a boarding prep school, and there are several weekends a term where all the boys have to be in school. They can weekly/flexi board in their first 2 or 3 years, but have to either fully board or be day boys higher up the school. Most do full boarding to prepare for boarding at senior school.

When looking around at schools I went a lot on gut instinct. You (or in our case, our employers - dh is posted abroad, and I will be going next year) are paying shed loads of cash, so you should take for granted the academic excellence/sport/music whatever. For us it was really important to make sure the pastoral care was good, as ds has some medical issues. We were given tours of the school by some of the older boys at all the schools we looked at and I asked myself "would I like ds to turn out like this boy?". In several cases the answer was no, so we didn't choose those schools despite the fact that we knew people with children at those schools who were very happy.

I feel quite strongly that ds should attend a mixed school, so although we looked at one single-sex school (recommended by his current head as a possible good fit for ds1) the others we saw (and the one he has been accepted for) were all co-ed.

If you are overseas you will need to appoint a guardian for ds (e.g. if he is taken ill/school is closed down because of outbreak of illness), so it might be worth thinking about looking in areas where you have family/friends.

Good luck in your searching.

Thanks Tangarine that is very helpful. They are great tips. I know what you mean about meeting the older children. Results are not everything and while I desperately want ds to apply himself more, it is more a case of bringing the best out of him than trying to turn him into "the best" if you know what I mean. Thanks.

Hi bluesky (wish there was some of that around here). I know exactly what you mean. We didn't board ds because we wanted to hot house him or turn him into the product of an elite public school, we did it becuase we wanted him to be safe and secure and happy. ds2, who is too young to board, is desperately unhappy at the thought of going overseas next year, and wants to stay behind with his friends (a whole other thread!).

One of the Mums at ds1's school was saying how much her relationship with her son had improved since he started boarding. Instead of spending her time constantly nagging him to do his homework, music practice etc, they now really enjoy the time they have together because all that gets left behind at school. Because it's normal within the culture of the school for all the boys to work hard, do their best, play an instrument and be on a team (even if it's the thirds ) they all just do it.

And they get nice long holidays - not sure how that compares to where you are now. Next year ds1 gets all of July and August, while ds2 gets from early June to early August so I will have an interesting overlap to juggle!

Just wanted to add to other posts that schools within an hour or two of London tend to empty out at the weekend, and any remaining kids rattle around.

Choose a school with plenty of boarders - less than 30% and boarders feel as though they are interloping in a day school.

Don't forget state boarding schools - Hockerill in Bishops Stortford for example is absolutely brilliant, probably the best sixth form in the country. There is an organisation called the State Boarding School Association that lists them all. Only something like 6k or 8k instead of 28k all in.