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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Re: My daughter swimming and bullying

95 replies

formidablelady · 02/10/2008 13:06

I have posted this comment as I appear to be unable to edit my original thread and most people don't read all of it.

I just wanted to say that I been in the nursing profession for 20 years and I am amazed by how a lot of people have responded to my thread. It is truly like reading something from the 1950?s.

If one of my patients came to me with a complaint no matter how trivial or ?stupid? I thought it was I would do my level best to help resolve it as it obviously wasn?t trivial or stupid to them. In fact we welcome comments, that is how change is affected. Obviously there are times when we cannot deliver everything the patient wants but we try to come to a compromise. If the patient still isn?t happy we tell them the process they have to follow if they want to take this further.

I find this playground attitude of some of the posters who have been name calling and comments that I will be the talk of the staffroom surreal. Is it unrealistic to have confidence that my daughters teachers are more professional than that!

I also sincerely hope that the people who are trivialising bullying and name calling do not work with children.

I would prefer my daughter not to do swimming but if there is no compromise then she will be forced to do it. I still don?t agree with the lack of choice though when it is making her so unhappy and think it should be an option only. She is already good at swimming and has no plans to incorporate it into her career. She is very good at most other sports. Why can't she do one of those if possible.

I am not a teacher but if half my class sat out each week I would see that as a big problem and I would be talking to parents and pupils to seek a solution not have the attitude ?its tough?. After all I have read somewhere in some government document that P.E. should be about confidence building, self esteem and enjoyment. It is failing on all three. No child will learn anything if they are mentally that affected. Why not give the girls the option to do sport they enjoy.

I am deeply disappointed that no one mentioned the word compromise and disturbing that people felt I should tell her she must do it and that is that. I think it is important talk to the teacher about something that is having such a profound effect on my childs mental well being. I find it all very strange indeed??.

I feel really let down by this group which I came to for advice not ridicule. I appreciate everyone has their opinion and that most seem opposed to mine however there are ways of voicing them without being nasty.

I will continue to support my daughter and work as best I can with the school to find a resolution. I will try out some of the suggestions made and hope that the school has a more modern approach to this issue.

OP posts:

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 14:02

PonderingTHoughts - I go swimming twice a week. I am fat and flabby and am not always quite as hair free as I ought to be, also I am no oil painting on the looks front... I think fuck 'em if they don't like it, but it has taken me a lot of years to get to that stage.

I tie my hair back afterwards if I'm not going straight home. Mascara and lip gloss takes less than a minute.

Original poster

formidablelady · 02/10/2008 14:02

MP "this isn't 1955" Are you sure about that?

OP posts:

morningpaper · 02/10/2008 14:02

FM why are half the class allowed not to do it, but your DD is made to do it?

Either it's compulsory or it isn't.

If it's compulsory, then you need to deal with your DD's self-esteem issues and possibly the bullying.

There's no magic answer.

But then I often do the school run in the morning with wet hair and no make-up, so I'm obviously a 'halloween freak' myself

Original poster

formidablelady · 02/10/2008 14:04

Tf it is easy to think that as an adult but not so easy in your teens and even early twenties.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 02/10/2008 14:05

FM why are half the class allowed not to do it, but your DD is made to do it?

bundle · 02/10/2008 14:06

How many people on this post would be happy to get in their cossies right now and come for a swim.....
....oh, and no hairdryers/make-up or jewellery for the rest of the day afterwards..?

morningpaper · 02/10/2008 14:07

I'm with you Bundle

God I would LOVE to go for a swim right now

Original poster

formidablelady · 02/10/2008 14:07

Mp It isn't compulsory to do swimming after key stage 2 but is on dds school curriculum and again this is causing the confusion. DD sat out with them but after 4 weeks of doing this I felt I should explain in more detail to the teacher what was going on.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 02/10/2008 14:08

I go on the school run straight from BabyDragon's swim lesson (I have to get in too). I don't feel the need to go home, blowdry my hair and put make up on

morningpaper · 02/10/2008 14:08

I find it very sad that there are women on this thread who consider a blow-dry and a face of slap more important than fresh air and exercise

And depressing that you are passing on those ideas to your daughters

Hair straighteners and anti-frizz-serum weren't invented when I was a teenager

I suppose we just loped around dragging our knuckles on the ground and lived in a blissful care-free world

NorkyButNice · 02/10/2008 14:09

Oh FGS this is just ridiculous.

If your daughter is being bullied at school because of her appearance, then you need to tackle that with the head-teachers, and NOT use it as an excuse for her not to take part in PE lessons.

I was one of the "different" kids at school - I was downright ugly, fat (compared to everyone else) with bad hair, huge glasses and (thanks to issues at home) a hygiene issue (never admitted that on here before, but in order to make my point I will). I had friends, but was picked on in equal measure.

Frankly, I was miserable, but I damn well stood up for myself, and because my Mum told me every day that she loved me and that I could do ANYTHING, I got through school, took part in all the activities, and have done well in life. (I'm still fat but have fixed all the other issue!).

Your daughter needs you to explain to her that to get through life, she won't always have a choice about what she does or doesn't do. You need to tell her that she's better than the bullies, and that even if she never has bad hair, these kind of people will find something else to pick on.

Whether she takes part in the swimming classes is such a minor part of this problem, and I don't think you realise that.

And breathe...

morningpaper · 02/10/2008 14:09

Formidable lady: if it's compulsory, it's compulsory

Home school
or
sort out your DD's self-esteem issues

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 14:10

Having to do it made me realise that it really isn't important.

I don't spend hours priming myself for public viewing anyway. My husband loves me, my friends like me regardless of whether or not my hair is coiffed and I have lip gloss on.

I realised this once I had reached about 16. A valuable life lesson imo. That the opinion of a couple of bitches really doesn't matter and that the behaviour of other people shouldn't influence what you want to do.

I think it is a crying shame, if your daughter likes swimming, that she is going to be pulled out because of her self image. If she doesn't like swimming then take her out for that reason, seeing as others have already done so. But the bullies "win" if the only reason you stop her swimming is because of them.

Original poster

formidablelady · 02/10/2008 14:10

Hmmmmmm If there are so many women who don't bother with make-up haie products wonder how all those cosmetic are making such a whopping profit.

OP posts:

bundle · 02/10/2008 14:11

morningpaper, I think we all pass on our own issues to our daughters, good and bad

pooka · 02/10/2008 14:13

I'll go for a swim now. No hairdryer, no make up, not often even a hairbrush afterwards. But always a hair tie so I can scrape my hair back.

You know what, I wish is was 1955, if being 1955 meant that children of 15 still participated in school lessons without the need for hairdryers, gels, serums and so on.

You've been given, however, excellent information about ways to control your dd's hair in a short space of time after swimming, whether by using products before, or after.

The basic thing is that the bullying/teasing behaviour should be addressed, not the swimming.

TigerFeet · 02/10/2008 14:14

THere are 20 million grown women (??not sure but point still valid) in the UK. If half the country's women don't bother or are sporadic with make-up there's still a lot of people making cosmetic companies rich.

But we are wandering off topic slightly now, are we not?

christywhisty · 02/10/2008 14:15

I have a swimming lesson in my lunch hour on Wednesday, have a quick shower and lunch and go back to work. I don't even bother drying my hair properly.

MadamePlatypus · 02/10/2008 14:15

"How many people on this post would be happy to get in their cossies right now and come for a swim.....

....oh, and no hairdryers/make-up or jewellery for the rest of the day afterwards..?"

I would be completely happy to do this. I go swimming with both children regularly and I am a complete mess afterwards as are all the other mums with young children, but we have loads of fun. I would be devastated if DD had such low self esteem when she was 13 that she felt she couldn't go swimming. If she refused to do any activity because it inhibited her ability to wear make-up or have blow-dried hair I would feel that somewhere along the line something was going wrong.

I haven't read the original thread, and I can sympathise with how awful it is to be bullied, but I agree with others - the problem is the bullying, not the swimming.

bundle · 02/10/2008 14:15

sigh

tigerfeet, this was never about the swimming

Original poster

formidablelady · 02/10/2008 14:16

Listen this is going on far too long. Please lets agree to disagree. Life would be very dull indeed if we were all the same. If we all deal't with things the same way there wouldn't be any problems would there. I still think that young girls should have options why make your child suffer if there is an alternative.

OP posts:

magentadreamer · 02/10/2008 14:17

Basically your daughter is being bullied and thats the issue here that needs addressing. Stopping her swimming isn't going to stop the bullies, they'll find something else to pick on. Ring the school and ask for a meeting ASP.

pooka · 02/10/2008 14:18

Sorry thought your dd was 15. Now see 13.

Surely you must see that the answer to this does not lie in her sitting out the lessons. It lies instead in working on her self-esteem. She is still a child and it is your job to impress on her her loveliness, with or without frizzy hair.

I cannot cannot believe that 13 year olds are given the choice not to participate in swimming lessons provided by the school, regardless of whether they are a key stage requirement. Barring medical reasons.

SoupDragon · 02/10/2008 14:18

There are plenty of alternatives though, not just sitting the lesson out.

SoupDragon · 02/10/2008 14:20

Personally I think sitting out is not going to stop the bullying but may make it worse: "formidablegirl is sitting out because of her freaky hair. hahahaha!"

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