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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Is my DD (age 11) too young to walk/get bus alone to sec school 3 miles away? (Sorry - bit long!)

22 replies

lonelymom · 24/09/2008 21:43

My DD started sec school a few weeks ago. At the mo, I drop her off and pick her up in the car as it's a 3 mile walk/30 min cycle ride and there are no straight through buses. She could get a bus into/from the town centre which is about a 10 min walk from school but as there are some dodgy characters who hang around there, I am a bit worried. She is very tall for her age but I worry that she won't be able to handle herself as she has never had to. I can drop her and pick up now because I'm off work but come mid Oct will have to come up with another plan (DHs working hours means he's no help). Also when I finally do pluck up the courage to let her come home alone, do you think she's too young to stay in the house alone until 5.30pm? This week for the first time ever, I left her at home alone while I picked up her brothers for all of 15 mins and I called her twice to check she was OK, which she was! The alternative is for her to stay in the school library every day until I can pick her up at 5.00pm which I think she will find boring. All her friends from primary school went to catchment sec school. DD insisted that she wanted to go to the performing arts school (and she loves it) but when I see her mates walking together to the 'local' school (20 mins walk away), I think we may have made a mistake! Before this all 3 of my DCs went to a primary school 5 mins walk away with an onsite breakfast/afterschool club - very cosy for them and me! Now got a headache thinking about this as I admit I am a very over-protective mum but DD does want want to assert her independence and luckily, I have not scared her off with my paranoia! Any advice appreciated?

OP posts:

SqueakyPop · 24/09/2008 21:45

Seems like a long way to walk/cycle, but not to get the bus (even with a change).

Only you can decide whether you are happy for her to be alone at home for an hour. It doesn't seem like a lot, and most 11 year olds would be happy to be alone at home for that lenghth of time.

Does the school have a prep/homework club, or regular after school activities?

Original poster

lonelymom · 24/09/2008 21:57

Hi SqueakyPop - she can do her homework in the library (which is supervised) until 5.00 (which is when I finish work 5 mins drive away) and she does some activities two days a week at the mo but I am worried that she will get fed up of having to stay at school when everyone else goes home. I know she would love to come home by herself and hog the TV (and biscuit cupboard) until we get in but I will find it very difficult to let go enough for her to do this. But I guess that everyone finds it hard the first few times.

OP posts:

seeker · 24/09/2008 22:10

My dd is 12 - and she is at school in a town about 12 miles away from home. In the morning I drop her at the nearest bus stop and she gets two buses to school (30 minute journey) On the way home, she gets the bus, then either I pick her up or she a train one stop then a 5 minute bus ride home, or she gets the train then walks a mile home. She also sometimes gets home about an hour before anyone else does (she LOVES these days and is very proud of getting herself a snack and doing her homework before anyone else gets home.

They are much more capable than we give them credit for. Honestly.

TooTicky · 24/09/2008 22:13

My dd1 (just 12) catches the bus to school 7 miles away. She is coping well and enjoys the independence.
Why not have a few trial runs to iron out potential problems and see how you both feel about it?

SqueakyPop · 24/09/2008 22:15

Encourage her to stay at school for her homework, then she can have the rest of the evening free (or at least most of it) for her own enjoyment. She may not like getting her own way home in the winter and be glad to stay at school until you can pick her up.

I work at the same school as DD and she has to stay for prep if I want to work late. We have found that it is beneficial for her to stay at school because coming home early ends up in a nagfest. She doesn't actually object to staying till 5 or 6, and doesn't appear tired. There are plenty of other girls in prep.

roisin · 24/09/2008 22:21

Does she have to take two buses? How long will the journey take?

ds1 (11) gets the (standard service) bus to school and has taken to it like a duck to water. Most of his mates are still getting lifts from parents. With work commitments we couldn't take him and bus was always the preferred option. He likes the independence and has had no problems at all.

If she is happy with the idea of going for it, I would let her get on with it. Practice going on the bus with her this weekend if you can, and talk to her in advance about possible scenarios of things going wrong and what she would do.

ds1 has an envelope in a special pocket in his bag which has 2 x 20p in case he needs to phone, and £5 which would get him safely home if he loses his ticket or his money or whatever.

ds1 has always had a lot of freedom and independence - goes to the shop for me, allowed to go down town to the library or the shops on his own, etc., so he was already capable of handling himself. But he has still grown up a lot over the past month, and I think that's a good thing.

pinkbubbleGUM · 24/09/2008 22:23

What a horrid situation to be in, I really feel for you.

unfortunately out DC are growing up fast! This weekend I let DD2 who is literally 11 and 3 days (YR6) go to the park with 2 of her friends. they were allowed to go for just over an hr! (longest hr of my life)

I dread the day when (maybe)she goes either by bus or by train to secondary school.

But saying that, she is desp even at this age to show me how capable she is and she desp wants to show me how independant she is. Me! I'd rather another 2 yrs at primary - honest!

serin · 24/09/2008 22:51

lonelymom, (I worry about your name),

I so feel for you as am in exactly the same situation. DD caught the bus home from her secondary school for the first time today, she is in year 7, and though she's a bright girl she forgot to pay the driver when she got on then was so busy worrying about what to do about this that she missed her stop and got off in an entirely different village.

It's so hard letting them go, but mine has a phone and a gaurdian angel.....

Original poster

lonelymom · 24/09/2008 22:58

Thanks all. Pink totally agree, so sad on her last day at primary, she was crying because she'd miss her friends and I was crying because she's going to have to grow up!. I let DD out this summer to go to 'the park' with a friend and they ended crossing the main road to play in a thickly wooded area where there is a pond popular with middle aged men for fishing (aparently her friend knew one of them), DD did not notice that she had dropped her mobile phone in the park (a very kind person found it and rang me on it)so mass hysteria that she had been bundled into the boot of a car until she turned up as if butter would'nt melt. That's probably why I'm a bit dubious about all this!! Ah well, will try it out next week, shadowing her in the car as she walks to the bus stop. She will have to stay in the library methinks for a while at least!

OP posts:

serin · 24/09/2008 23:11

LOL at shadowing her in the car, you will be done for kerb crawling.............

Original poster

lonelymom · 24/09/2008 23:20

Was thinking of that Serin, will tell her to run so can do at least 5 miles an hour! Bit of exercise is good for them in the morning

OP posts:

serin · 24/09/2008 23:22

Good idea, might try that with mine, she might win the cross country, bet that's how Paula Radcliffe got started.

Ashantai · 24/09/2008 23:27

My daughter turned 11 in May but she is still in age 8-9 clothes so the day she came home by herself freaked me out so much, i sat and waited at the window till i saw her!

Then i jumped on the sofa and pretended i'd been casually watching tv

She is usually such a shy girl and i worried that because of her size, she'd get picked on, but its had the opposite effect. The year 8 and 9 girls adore her and she knows quite a few of them already

Its a worrying time, but i think our kids will surprise us all (while we are secretly still freaking out)

As for staying home by herself, my daughter absolutely loves her me-time already!

magentadreamer · 25/09/2008 06:46

I'd give it a go while your still off work. You'll probably be suprised at how well she can handle it all. My DD this week went off to a friends house after school and got the bus back by herself. Her dad and I were panicing but DD just took it all in her stride and wondered what all the fuss was about.More planning went into this 8 stops on the bus trip then going on holiday . You could also given she does after school stuff do it so at first she's only coming home once or twice a week and on the other nights stay at school.

stitch · 25/09/2008 08:46

to op
she seems fine
you seem to have pfb tendencies

Milliways · 25/09/2008 16:35

My DS is small and an August birthday, so I understand your feelings but I think they have to get on with it & get themselves to school.

DS wanted to go to the Grammar and accepted he leaves the house at 7:25am to catch a bus to town where he changes to bus to school.

He got it wrong a few times, but it is all part of secondary school life.

GetOrfMoiLand · 25/09/2008 16:43

DD is 12 and comes home from school (admittedly we only live across the road), she looks after herself until about 5.30, and also did so in Year 7. She has always been absolutely fine about it, I trust her and there has never been any issues.

We are moving soon; she will have to get a bus into Cheltenham (3 miles) and go to a relative's house (mile walk from bus stop) and wait until I pick her up from work. She is looking forward to it!

I am with Seeker; they are a LOT more sensible and trustworthy than we give them credit for.

Swedes · 25/09/2008 17:03

My DS2 is 12 and he walks almost a mile to the station, gets a train, then walks about a mile and a half the other end. And the same on the way back. He rather likes it.

Lilymaid · 25/09/2008 17:19

Sorry, but travelling independently is all part of secondary school life - so I won't bore you with all the details of my family's travels by train, bus, bike etc from age 11.
And, it is completely normal for the DCs to be at home alone for a while until you or your husband get back from work.

Tommy · 25/09/2008 17:25

I went to and from secondary school on the bus - 3 miles and either one change or a bit of a walk at the school end.

I had friends that travelled 10-15 miles on public transport from Year 7

What on earth happened from then til now that makes parents think they have to take their darling children everywhere in a car?

summer111 · 28/09/2008 16:58

dd started secondary this month too and I was very nervous about her having to get to school independently. We did a few practice runs over the summer hols on the bus and she has since buddied up with a child who she's just met and who also takes the same bus to school. She admitted that the best bit of secondary school is the freedom, so I no longer worry any more. I think they are alot more resourceful than we think. Despite giving her two twenty pence pieces for a public payphone (just in case), she did phone me once from a bakery, to let me know she was running late...saving her pennies for their cookies no doubt!!

LolaTheShowgirl · 03/10/2008 21:58

i'm not sure about the staying home alone bit but my year 7 cousin was staying home for an hour after school and while she isn't the most sensible of children, she has been absolutely fine and is under strict instruction not to answer the door to anyone.

As for the bus journey - on a weekend, why don't the two of you take the journey yourselves but let your DD guide the whole trip and you sit seperate from your DD the whole journey, just to see if she can manage it and knows the stops to get off at etc.

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