Am I being too hard on DS1 (11)

[citylover]

... started at local comp last week. I have been really impressed by the way he has orgnanised himself so far with some help (but not much from me). ie remembering when he needs PE kit etc. Doing homework unprompted. Remembering money and housekey etc.

He wanted to do music lessons so I signed the form gave it back to him and this morning gave him the money in an envelope. He couldn't find the form (am sure it is in his bag) and got in a huff, blamed me and said he now couldn't do the music lessons. Told him to take the money to the office/whereever anyway and we could find some resolution to it.

My parents who are down for a couple of days to help out said I was being too hands off and not helping him enough. They are always extremely critical of me anyway.

I know he has alot to think of but he is used to dealing with forms (from primary) and I have encouraged both DSs to ask me to sign forms prompt me about letters etc from about age 7. And they do do it.

Think I will reward DS1 for how organised he has been actually.

I don't think you are being too hard on him at all and can't understand why your parents even spoke up.

My DS is now in Year 8 and I've seen a big change this year in how he is managing everything himself, whereas last year I gave him a lot of prompting. Boys, especially, seem to find the organisational aspect of secondary school quite challenging, so if I were you I would let him do as much as possible for himself, but accept that things will occasionally go awry and that by Year 8 he'll probably find it all very easy, as he's made such a good start.

No you're not. This all sounds normal to me - my dd remembers most things but there are some key forms she forgets to hand in because she forgets/too busy at break times with her mates/too shy to ask duty person on reception etc

You can't go in an do it for them in the way that you can at Primary - they have to learn themselves and parents have to learn to let go a bit. Two-way learning process.

Thanks I felt I was on the right tack but my mum and dad threw me.

Funnily enough I think they were really hands off with me at that age!!

mum and dad's comments!!!

grandparents have bad memories when they look back at how they treated and reaised their own children - it was much more rosy you know

Also, citylover, grandparents tend to be far more indulgent towards their grandchildren than their own children! My DS truanted one day and my parents were extremely chilled and sympathetic about it. I know full well though, that had one of my brothers done the same at his age, there would have been precious litte understanding and all hell to pay!!

dss have always been good about organising their stuff. But I must admit this last fortnight I have done a lot of setting up routines/checking bag contents etc for ds1, because he has so much new stuff to cope with coming to grips with new school/systems.

I will gradually ease off and leave him to do it all himself within a few weeks.

The first few of weeks at comp are very hard and tiring for an 11 year old. I found hat I had to help my children more in those wee4ks then I did when they were at Primary School.