Moving from State to Independent school - any advice?

gingan · 2008-06-29T18:34:55+00:00

I am moving my son from State to Indy school (he will be joining Year 9) in September. Will struggle to pay fees (2nd mortgage) but school he is at now is not stretching him academically, and he is picking up some pretty bad attitudes which I hope to nip in the bud. He has always hated the sheer size of his State school (1600plus) and last term when he was pretending to be ill to avoid going, I decided to move him. His Dad (divorced) will not support the move and I feel he is secretly undermining, as son now doesn't want to go. Lots of tears and begging. I feel awful. Standing firm but wobbling inside. Any advice anyone?

lazymumofteenagesons · 29/06/2008 19:57

There is ususally a major intake into private schools in year 9 from prep schools which finish at 13. So he should have quite a few new ones with him.

Does the school have an induction day for them? Reassure him that with the smaller class size and smaller size of the school itself it will feel much more secure. I would also think he will be allocated a 'buddy' to help him find his way in the first few weeks. If he enjoys sports/music/art push that side of things to encourage him.

Marina · 29/06/2008 20:18

Why exactly was he feigning illness to avoid his old school? If you know the reasons, why not focus on what will be different in the new environment. Attitude abounds in teenage boys regardless of educational environment, but you are right to hope that a smaller school with smaller classes will mean that hopefully the pastoral care will be less stretched and more proactive.

Original poster

gingan · 29/06/2008 20:28

Thanks, Lazymum,
There are a couple of new ones starting at same time, and a "buddy" has been found who he went to State Primary with. The school have been great, absolutely fantastic, in fact.

I am sure he will be fine when he settles in, and he is great at football, which the school excels at.

Has anyone got any feelgood stories about moving from State to Independent?

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Original poster

gingan · 29/06/2008 20:32

Hi Marina,
Never got entirely to the bottom of it, no bullying etc, according to the school. He says it was because the school was "just too big". He is normally outgoing and makes friends easily.
Thanks for your support

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Lilymaid · 29/06/2008 20:34

DS1 moved from State to Independent in Y7 and was very happy every day apart from the first day! His was a very academic school and gave him an excellent education - most of the other boys were there because their mums worked in order to afford the fees. A friend sent her son there in Y10 for similar reasons to you and he settled down very quickly even though it wasn't a main intake year like Y7 ad Y9.

RTKangaMummy · 29/06/2008 20:47

kangaboy changed from state primary to indy in year 7

He is now about to go from year 8 to 9

They have loads join in year 9 as his school

Original poster

gingan · 30/06/2008 08:46

Thanks, Lilymaid and RTKM, reassuring. Feel better now, will keep fingers and everything else crossed!

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ajandjjmum · 30/06/2008 08:49

Does the new school run any holiday/sports activity clubs etc? If so, it might help familiarize him with the new surroundings.

I'm sure he'll be fine by the way - just keep him busy this holiday!

floaty · 01/07/2008 13:09

We moved from v large impersonal independent to sligtly smaller more artsy independent(though still academic)for year 9 ,this time last year I was you ,we had begging and tears etc and I may have given in but dh was much firmer.I am so pleased we stuck to our guns a year has gone past and while there were difficult times especially in the first term he is so mauch happier now and we defginately made the right move.Like you we had no definate problems just a general feeling that it wasn't working

He has stayed in touch with some of his old friends (MSM comes in useful as he finds he is still in the gossip loop) but interestingly it has been a chance to reinvent himself a bit and his new friends have more in common with him than just having been at school with him for a long time

Also having teachers that were new to him and to whom he was an unknown quantity was also a bonus

floaty · 01/07/2008 13:13

We moved from v large impersonal independent to sligtly smaller more artsy independent(though still academic)for year 9 ,this time last year I was you ,we had begging and tears etc and I may have given in but dh was much firmer.I am so pleased we stuck to our guns a year has gone past and while there were difficult times especially in the first term he is so mauch happier now and we defginately made the right move.Like you we had no definate problems just a general feeling that it wasn't working

He has stayed in touch with some of his old friends (MSM comes in useful as he finds he is still in the gossip loop) but interestingly it has been a chance to reinvent himself a bit and his new friends have more in common with him than just having been at school with him for a long time

Also having teachers that were new to him and to whom he was an unknown quantity was also a bonus

floaty · 01/07/2008 13:14

Sorry !!

JudgeNutmeg · 01/07/2008 13:17

One thing that I hadn't anticipated when moving my children from an excellent state primary (we moved away) to an independent school was that my children would spend a term in a remedial class. They were so far behind their peers it was untrue. They caught up quickly and both boys are perfectly able but it was a knock to their confidence to go from SATS superstars to bottom of the class for a while.

I would also recommend giving potential notice every term for at least the first year as if he doesn't settle you could be lumbered with a huge bill. I have seen this happen in our current year seven where new children have joined and for a variety of reasons seem to have withdrawn quickly.

Whenever there is a substantial new intake, (year 7, year 9 etc) the schools always seem to do a lot of bonding/activity/adventure type trips so I'm sure he will settle in quickly.

Bridie3 · 01/07/2008 13:28

Yes, I'm afraid that was my experience too, JudgeNutmeg. My son was considered very able in his primary school. In the prep school he started in Sept., he's 'somewhere in the second quartile' of his year, with some potential to move up a few places.

The Year 6 exams (ten papers) made SATS look...easy. We worked reasonably hard for them before/during the half term holiday but still managed to get a few not-so-good, scrapey passes.

Not all the teaching is wonderful. The geography seems to consist of taking lots of notes and learning them off by heart for exams. A few trips to streams and rivers (which happened in primary school) wouldn't go amiss.

At least once every half-term we have what I call horror week--a week in which there is both a French and a Latin test, and often Science tests, too. I literally have to cancel any evening engagements I have on because there is nobody else who can make sure he revises. I'm hoping that as he grows older I can let him get on with it a bit more.

But, most importantly for me, my son just seems happier. More occupied, more interested, with more like minds around. It's been worth it for that alone.

Quattrocento · 01/07/2008 13:30

Yes not made the move myself but one of DS's friends has and quickly settled in. Be prepared for the remedial class thang though - was a bit of a jolt for DS's friend.

mimsum · 02/07/2008 12:27

ds1 moved from state primary to Y6 in selective independent secondary - he found the first half term tough but they all did even those who'd been to prep schools - they had two weeks off at half term and that seemed to help them all consolidate the change and after that it got much better

pupils coming from the state sector aren't all behind though - ds went straight into the top set for everything and has been pretty much ok academically - would be better if he did more work but hey ho

batters · 02/07/2008 12:47

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Beetroot · 02/07/2008 12:50

be prepare to haemorrhage money

Swedes · 02/07/2008 13:00

My DS1 moved from state school to independent in Y9. He made friends very easily as there were approx 35 other boys who joined at the same time (although about 30 of them were from one prep school).

He was doing well at his state school and was happy there. He made (and has kept) some lovely friends. It was a good school. However, his current school is much much better.

Might your DS be upset/depressed about his home breaking up?

Make sure you really can afford the fees for the whole of his school career as it might be easy enough to move, but it would be horrible for him to have to move again because the fees are not affordable.

batters · 02/07/2008 13:39

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Original poster

gingan · 02/07/2008 21:03

Dear all,
Thanks so much for all your input, I can't tell you how much better I feel.
DS was OK about moving until time started getting nearer, and yes, I too have nearly cracked under the weight of begging and tears! As there is only me to stand firm it is hard, but I haven't come this far just to give up, and he is more or less resigned to it now and can actually see the advantages a little bit.
School have been great, he has been and done PE with his year and beat them all in the 800 metres!
Will be paying for it till I'm 65, but finance in place to cope (barring complete acts of God).
I have cracked a tiny bit and said if he really hates it to death he can go back to old school, but (a) he must give it a full term and (b) there will be private tutors and such in the evenings. Have arranged with new school no financial penalty if withdraw in first term. Also head at old school has had a long talk with DS and told him it is a wonderful opportunity and he must try his hardest to settle in because she will be checking on him!
So everything is now crossed pending September! And I will keep him ultra busy in the holidays - excellent advice!
Thanks again, all
Gingan
xxx

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batters · 02/07/2008 21:38

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Original poster

gingan · 05/07/2008 13:10

I know, Batters, I was at my wits end with all
the pleading and crying at the time. I shouldn't have promised but I did.

Added to which exDH1 (his Dad) has now decided to have one of his famous nervous breakdowns (strategically engineered so that he lost his job and now cannot contribute anything to fees).

I am just hoping all the prep I have done will pay off and he won't be able to help loving it. If he doesn't like it I think I will go myself, haha!

Anyone would think I was sending him to borstal!

xxx

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sunnydelight · 08/07/2008 11:06

Stand firm! We went through similar last year.

We moved to Sydney (DS1 Y8) and put him in the local public (State) school. After 7 weeks it became clear that he might have a very nice, chilled out 4 years there but would learn sod all, standards of behaviour were lax to say the least and I had a run in with a teacher who told him that "dyslexia is no excuse for poor spelling" then had a go at me because his literacy issues were clearly my fault! We went to look at a private school with DS1 kicking and screaming all the way, complaining that he had been moved too many times etc. etc. Private school full of happy, motivated kids, lovely teachers who said they could support his dyslexia and a gorgeous campus on the edge of the bush. (Also Christian with a uniform policy that the army would be proud of ) I nearly gave in to the begging to leave him where he was, but kept on focusing on what the new school would give him that the old one wouldn't because as the grown up I was convinced I knew best.

He has now been there two terms. His school reports are better than he has ever had in his life and he is settled and happy. He loves the better art and design facilities and greater choice of sport. Find things about the new school that your son will like and can focus on and never let him see that you have doubts! Y9 is old enough to understand the "lucky to have the opportunity" part. I bet by Christmas he will love it.