Are private schools better for children with an ECHP and a high level of needs?

[PrivateSen]

This is a general pondering really. I’m thinking back to my own experience of private vs state school and how students with SEN were treated. I’d hope things have improved since the 80/90s but I’m not so sure. I don’t think there’s much tolerance of ND in schools if the child presents as very obviously different to NT children, especially when there’s pathological demand avoidance, or where a child will scream in response to sensory overload. Bullying is rife is a child is deemed “weird”. I expect primary would be more tolerant but secondary is more a case of not having the option to do something and being expected to get on with it. At the parents’ meeting at our new high school the HT stated there are no exceptions to the school uniform as an example. Those wearing a polo shirt instead of a school shirt in primary are really going to struggle with that. Our primary school has a proper shirt and tie uniform but some wear a polo shirt if they can’t cope with a shirt. This won’t be allowed when they move up. I imagine a private school will be stricter on uniform policy.
Is there a greater tolerance of children with significant needs at private vs state schools? Are private schools better for children who really struggle due to autism , PDA and Adhd and might never be independent adults due their level of need?

Gentle bump

It’s entirely school dependent. Some state schools will be excellent. Some, not so much. Some private schools will be terrible, some brilliant.

And even in the same school, a different child will have a different experience.

Yes, I guess it’s impossible to generalise.

I don’t think many private schools would be up for PDA and significant needs at a level where a child is unlikely to manage independence as an adult. I looked round all of our local options and none had pupils like this. They can suit bright autistic kids that thrive in a small calm class and want to be stretched academically but they’d usually be expected to follow classroom routines and wear the uniform. But it is going to be school dependent. You can look up the ISI reports for local schools on the ISI website and at the end of the inspection report it will tell you how many pupils have SEN and how many have EHCPs.

I went to two private schools. We worked in silence generally and they were strict about everything. Saying no to doing something wasn’t an option. I suspect that even if a child is academically ahead in some areas, that the emotional and social restrictions would cause issues in a school where children are being pushed across the curriculum. Children need to be able to keep up socially with peers and children with autism are often a couple of years behind emotionally which impacts how they are able to socialise.

Really it varies so much by school that I’m not sure there’s any useful generalisations you can make!

I have an autistic child in a mainstream independent school - he’s at the highest level of need that this school will accept. He has a 1 to 1 TA, attends part time, so far has been allowed every variation to uniform that we asked for, is allowed to leave lessons with his TA when he needs a break etc. Some communication challenges (he can communicate but it can be hard to follow/take a while, so his TA often “translates” for him).

Realistically I think there are kids with higher levels of need in mainstream state schools that the private sector would just refuse to take - if my son was ever having violent meltdowns or preventing his class from learning then I’m sure he’d be told to leave the school, whereas that’s much harder for state schools.

Im not sure any child who won’t grow up to live independently would be able to attend mainstream school, surely they would be in a specialist school?

There are lots of private schools that cater specifically for SEN, is that what you mean OP? EG. Bredon, Burlington House, plus lots of smaller local ones (I can think of 3 near me and we are not near a city).

It really does depend on the school! Sorry I know that doesn’t really answer your question but it’s the truth!

Generally a mainstream indie is not going to be the best place for a child with a high level of need and unlike a state school they won’t have to offer a place.

An indie that focuses on SEN could be great.

My son has an EHCP and goes to a small independent school where the class sizes are super small and now he barely needs any additional support. A far cry from being in mainstream and he has grown in confidence beyond belief. Who knew that the environment could make such a difference. So yes, but so much depends on the private school. My son’s is super small and super informal with a high number of students just like him. He is ‘normal’ for the first time in his life and it is amazing.

My DS attended a mainstream private school for 3 years to bridge the gap between a disastrous state school experience, and the LA agreeing to fund his place at a specialist independent school. He will never live independently, but he managed in that particular mainstream private school with full-time 1:1 support and a lot of understanding for those 3 years. There was no other alternative as the specialist independent he eventually moved to started at Y6. He would not have managed in - or even been accepted into - many other mainstream private schools. We were very fortunate with that one.

We have a send son, we moved from state primary to private in year 5. The difference in him is astounding. He actually WANTS to go and he doesnt really need any interventions at all, whereas at state he was school refusing, had many specific interventions and was generally seen as an issue (phone calls, regular send reviews - you know the drill, I am sure). I think it depends on:

• the individual school
• the child's needs

My son is very bright, which is really nurtured and appreciated at private, and the lessons are smaller groups, more interesting (e.g. they do a different experiment every week in science, they do more trips, they discuss topics more etc). He has a particular issue with noise sensitivity, so his class going from 38 (state) to 15-18 (private) just massively decreases background noise. There are more send children there so he meets children like him, and peers are tolerant and kind (lots are attending for the small class size, bespoke learning, quieter environment etc) and the teachers have time to consider need and adapt to it and there is a higher staff ratio (so for example, at every big event, assembly, sports day etc there are enough staff to hold quiet rooms with board games so he can retreat if he needs to). The high staff ratio also means someone can keep an eye on him, sense check any mood changes and keep an eye on other kids. The large expansive outdoor areas allow him to read alone at break or do a club (many more available than state) that matches his interests and gives space for other kids who need to be active to run off all their energy so theyre calmer in class.They also have more technology available as his handwriting is poor but now he can easily type everything. They do have a strict uniform, but he loves the school so much that he happily puts up with it, I haven't seen it really relaxed for anyone but at a secondary school I looked around recently, they had kids who always wear school pe kit as a sensory needs adjustment. I will say looking around private secondaries - they are all very much their own thing. Some are absolutely not a fit for my son (sporty, confident, loud kids, high high pressure environment, rigid rules etc). However, lots very much brand themselves as nurturing, adaptable, supportive. The ones we have shortlisted have been fantastic, we have had 121 meetings with the send leads at all of them, individual tours, our son has been able to visit and join in science clubs because that's his interest and that put him at ease. They all have on site counsellors, nurture clubs and sensory rooms. They all have class sizes between 13 and 20. They all say they focus on happy, nurtured kids with an environment that works for them. Obviously we haven't actually sent him yet, but the ones I've seen are similar in vibe to his prep where he is thriving. I think you need to see state and private and see where it feels your child would be cared for and understood. The benefit of private is they have more freedom to adapt to children (you'd want one that adapted towards your child not someone else's!) They also have much higher staff to students ratio, smaller classes and higher budgets for nice things like clubs, technology, spaces etc. That doesn't guarantee anything though, it'll be about finding the right fit. Given our own child's specific needs, private has been able to work better for him (the right private anyway!) It isn't a fix-all though, it does have to be the right school for the child. Sorry that's a mammoth essay!

Wow, some of these schools sound amazing! It’s really good to hear that such schools exist. I have experienced, and heard of so many bad experiences.

Our two local state schools have been wearing their PE kits this week due to the heat and they actually look so much smarter. No ripped tights, no butt cheeks on show, shirts untucked or ties at various lengths. Skort or shorts and a polo top. I love a blazer combo but not if it looks scruffy. My favourite school we wore a straw boater and golden yellow dresses in the summer with a blazer and a cord cap and gaberdine in the winter over the traditional skirt, shirt, proper tie and jumper. I adored that uniform but I grew up with family in the military so uniforms were something I loved from an early age.
Sadly, I can’t afford a private education for my child and in his current situation doubt he’d score highly enough to pass any kind of entrance exam. He’s very bright but doesn’t perform well on paper. He’s going to the local state school where the SENCO is already on the ball with everything as is his class teacher. They have two small classes for children who are likely to struggle with the move to secondary. They nurture them, keeping them in the small class for half the time table, and then integrate them by the summer term. His primary has been truly dreadful this last year. He’s not even troublesome, he just needs extra support due to autism and adhd. Nothing major, just the kind of support that a good teacher would give anyway. He’s capable of doing very well in the right environment. My threshold will be very low for moving him if the school turns out to be a poor fit.

There are a couple of children at his school who are bright and potentially gifted in things like science but socially and emotionally several years younger. They won’t be able to travel to school independently and their parents have said they will take them in a council funded taxi as they get DLA and the schools that are better fit are in another borough.
I feel like we need a halfway house kind of school that’s somewhere between mainstream and a special school and state funded. Or maybe schools just need to be set up better so that kids with significant SEND can thrive. There used to be SEND classes in mainstream schools but these were phased out. Perhaps they should be brought back.

Depends on the school, you will need to have honest conversations with them and ask other parents locally.

If a child screams a lot from over stimulation / anxiety from PDA / ODD you may want to consider a calmer setting of a satellite provision or a SEN school amd avoid mainstream as there are no many factors in mainstream where student numbers, noise etc may affect them. This not only helps them and gives them a calmer environment, but for everyone too as there will be SEN kids with huge sensitivity around noise.

sadly there are not enough Secondary SEN Satellite schools but do look for them and you will need an EHCP.

Mainstream will need to on the whole keep rules as they need to demonstrate to all, remember 32 students is hard work with varying needs anyway.

My daughter’s friend had to move from her private school to our local comprehensive because the school couldn’t match her needs (lots of melt downs and arguments with other pupils. Her twin was allowed to remain as he is a highly functioning autistic person and doesn’t disrupt classes. So it would depend on the child. The school will not want any disruptive children for any reason.

I think this is very much school dependent.

However schools cannot deny uniform adjustments under the equality act.

They kiss say “no”‘initially to wheedle out those who will just say “X can’t wear Y”.

Of there’s an actually diagnosed sensory need you just put it in writing and state the equality act .

The best way to know if the on-paper promises made by a private school will translate to real life support is to speak to current parents who are in the same boat. It can take some time to find them and connect but it’s the true picture. All private schools have shiny brochures but my experience is that they are happy to support low/medium needs but once it crosses a threshold they throw their hands up.

Also I’d urge you to consider that private schools usually have high achieving competitive students and parents. That’s a whole other aspect to survive and compete with.
a non-selective private might be more suitable

From my experience, private schools are much more relaxed about many of the small things since they can afford to be and it's in their interests to keep the parents and children happy. So kids don't get detention for forgetting things or uniform infractions and parents aren't fined or told off for getting their kids to school late or taking term-time holidays. Instead, there's more a 'let's work together' approach to addressing issues. On the other hand, while they may accommodate anxious children or those with executive function issues who might struggle in the strict, 'zero tolerance' environment which is currently the vogue in many state secondaries, they won't accept children with a very high level of need where that would manifest itself in violent or seriously disruptive behaviour.

My DC is still primary age, but to give an example we're quite a disorganised family (ADHD) and my DC is late to school more often than I'd like, and the school just deal with this and help us out by suggesting breakfast club and other things that might help our family. We've never been 'told off' and DC has never been in trouble for this. Similarly, DC has sensory issues around clothes and food and regularly looks a complete scruff ball and refuses to eat anything at school lunch. Again, the school just deal with this and remind him to tuck in his shirt and give him some bread or fruit to eat. He's never been in trouble for any of this, it's just him. I believe it's similar at the secondary school, I've never heard of anyone being in detention for not wearing the correct uniform or forgetting stuff. They seem to treat the kids as individuals and understand their individual challenges, while encouraging them to do the best they can.

In my experience private schools only allow mild SEN. Any child who causes disruptions or who might not attain good grades is managed out of private and into state.

@PinkCatCushion that varies hugely. Certainly our school does not manage out anybody who won’t get good grades - it’s not an academically selective school at all and not academically pushy.

If you are prepared to move to a less populated, more rural part of the country you will find many prep schools who are desperate for bums on seats and absolutely accept SEND children, and you could negotiate a bit on fees too. Some of them have tiny class sizes of 7 or 8. They're not necessarily shit hot on SEND provision, they don't need to tick the boxes to the same extent state schools do. But they'd definitely be flexible on uniform etc.