Year 7 residential

[stardays]

I signed my year 7 child up for a 2 night residential last term. At the time she wasn't particularly keen about going but didn't stop me signing her up

I thought it would be a good chance to meet new friends and if she didn't go she'd be stuck at school anyway. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to go. She hasn't really made friends at secondary and she says the group she has been placed with are 'horrible'. She's being very negative and I was intially fine about telling her she should go anyway, however, I'm now doubting myself.
What do you think I should do- say she should go as all paid up and there is the potential to make a friend/s or let her stay at school?

I'd talk to school and ask for a reshuffle, the teacher's probably looked at it like a logistics exercise.

Definitely speak to the school, she should have someone she gets along with. The Y7 trip is eagerly awaited in this house, all kit laid out on the table.
I hope she does go and has a good time… And sorry she’s not found her tribe yet

As above - from experience my kids have been hesitant and then always love the trips

Have you spoken to the school about the fact that she’s not really made any friends? This could be a good opportunity to work with them over placing her in a dorm with some people she might get along with.

Yes definitely talk to the school. I used to lead a year 7 residential and we would get the kids together and allocate rooms based on their own friendship groups (so "we're a group of four lads" great you can have this four-bed room). If we had the occasional person on their own we would work to place them with a nice pair or trio.

So I would flag this to school; I bet the can reallocate her to a room with some girls who are at least a bit more amenable. Sorry she has not had a better time at secondary but agree, this could be a great opportunity.

Thanks everyone. Parents apparently have been told not to email about requesting a change of group apparently.

There is one girl she went to primary school with that she talks to at school. They have been placed in the same sleeping room but not together during activities where they will spend most of the time during the day.

I emailed school about the friendship issue a while ago. They didn't reply to my email and then my daughter pleaded with me not to send one again.

I think if she’s got all the way through year 7 without making any friends then you might have to go over your daughter’s head and arrange a meeting with the school. Not just about the trip, but about how they can look to help her overall.

If she really doesn’t want to I personally wouldn’t force her. I doubt the social dynamic will change and I’m not persuaded of the value of these things.

But I would pick up the social issues with school and try to make a plan for year 8.

Thanks for the advice. It's a tricky one as my daughter tells me there is nothing the school can do as no bullying involved. I've tried to talk to her about what would help generally in school such as changing tutor groups but all she wants is at least one close friend that I cant magic up!

Firstly, don’t make the poor girl go on the trip. It’s not like she originally wanted to go and has changed her mind - she never wanted to go in the first place. It sounds like it would be horrifically lonely for her

Secondly, I think you need to arrange a catch-up with her form tutor and raise the friendship issue piece

I’d make her go. This is an opportunity for her to get to know other people that she may not see around school. It could be really beneficial.

It’s not a long trip either.

I’d be led by your daughter on this one. When my daughter went on one another girl was really distressed being away from home and cried throughout most of it which was distressing all round. If she’s still not happy changing groups I would go with her wishes. She may come round at a different time when she’s met her tribe but I really wouldn’t force it on her.

Just remember - it’s nearly the end of the year
. Everything changes each year at high school. We worry worry and then turn our back and the kids have changed / new friends / settled down.
years 7 and 8 my kids hated / loads of probs - so I gave them the odd day off, little after school outings - joined clubs - much better now - much happier -

Do encourage though for your daughter to do the school clubs or at least try one or two in September - you never know where your going to meet a friend !

I think the school have done the right thing - she's with a friend in her room but being placed with others during the day. Kids don't easily socialise and will gravitate to people they know - deliberately mixing it up like this is a good way to avoid cliques and create opportunities for new connections.