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Secondary education

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Original poster

DS changing school in Yr9

11 replies

Yimi · 24/06/2008 09:56

DS currently in Yr8 will be changing school in Sept 08. What would be the best way to support him through this? He's a pretty average, not too troublesome or troubled 13yr old at the moment, but I've not heard anyone with anything good to say about 14yr olds. I've been warned to brace myself for the emotional and hormonal turmoil in store, and am concerned that this additional (non negotiable) upheaval will not be helpful. Thanks.

OP posts:
snorkle · 24/06/2008 11:15

Hey! I've got a 14yo ds who is lovely! They're not all Kevins by any means. If you know anyone with similar aged ds's at the new school it's probably worth trying to organise a get together (you do have to be much more subtle about this with teenagers than younger kids though). Making new friends will be his biggest challenge I should think (especially if he's moving to a school where everyone else started at 11 or 12 - much easier if it's a 13+ school as they'll all be in the same boat). Does he have any interests or hobbies outside school? Good to keep those going I'd have thought if so.

Milliways · 24/06/2008 19:39

DS's school takes an additional intake in Yr9 (Grammar) so they are used to new faces in that year.

A friend of mine had her DS at private prep school & he transferred to local comp in Yr9 & did really well. He didn't mention unless pushed though that he came from a private school, just let them think he had just moved in

Original poster
Yimi · 26/06/2008 10:18

How refreshing to hear someone delighted with their 14yr old DS - gives me hope. Yes, we're planning to keep up Scouts for DS so he will get to see his old mates. He's joining a Grammar via the 13+ route, but he will be one of only a few. He's a bit worried that his old friends will shun him for going posh', and the kids at the new school will regard him as thick', and he won't be able to keep up. Actually, maybe it's me that's worrying. I know it's one of those things we have to take on the chin - i'm not going to know if we're doing the right thing for at least 40 years........

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 26/06/2008 13:12

My DS1 had the joy of moving continents and starting at no less than two new secondary schools last year within a term of each other when he was 13/14 (we quickly realised the first one was crap). He coped fine. If you can be around for your son so he has someone to talk to when he comes home from school and you can pick up quickly if there are any issues I think that really helps (though of course it's not possible for everyone). Yes, the hormones are starting to rage but I like this age - seeing the boy turn into the man is quite facinating, and he's lucky to be at a school where the teachers agree.

snorkle · 26/06/2008 13:17

Some of his old friends probably will think he's gone a bit posh but the ones that are worth keeping wont and he'll make new ones too. I can see why you're anxious, but it's not really worth worrying about possible problems until (and if) they arise - he's just as likely to take to it all like a duck to water. I very much doubt he'll not be able to keep up too - they wouldn't have accepted him if there was any chance of that.

Milliways · 26/06/2008 22:57

The ones at new school won't think he's thick as they have a 13+ entrance to cover those who eanted to stay at their prep/middle school as long as they could.

DS actually said he wouldn't get in to his own school at 13+ as he would fail the French test

fembear · 27/06/2008 09:49

Is he sporty? That's always a good bonding route for boys.
Is it single-sex or co-ed?

AMumInScotland · 27/06/2008 10:10

No advice on schools I'm afraid, but another one who has a 14yo DS who is lovely, so don't worry too much about that side of things!

Original poster
Yimi · 27/06/2008 23:31

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I want to hear more about lovely 14yr old DSs - and more importantly, how you got them like so; I've heard so many horror stories!
In answer to the above: Loves sport, but not too good at it - if you get my meaning. He's the kid that's always a sub for the A team. Yes, I'm sure he'll cope in that dept. The one thing he is looking forward to is going from an all boys school to a mixed........ Not getting in at 11+ was such a blow, i'm not sure how long it will take to shake off that `failure' feeling.

OP posts:
snorkle · 28/06/2008 09:47

I don't think there's a magic bullet Yimi, but if a child gets plenty of exercise and has some interests that maybe helps keep them grounded through adolescence. I sometimes think ds is too busy to be objectionable, but maybe it's just the way he is - or perhaps he's a late developer and I have it all to come!

AMumInScotland · 28/06/2008 20:30

It's always hard to know if it's just basic personality, or luck, or it's all still in the future! But I think generally treating them with respect, and expecting to get respect in return, is a good policy. And I think it's true that having a keen interest in something (music, sport, collecting something, etc) gives them a focus and makes them less inclined to be bored and irritable - maybe it gives them their own world to be centred on? Or just, s Snorkle says, keeps them busy!

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