Year 7 parent nervous about son commuting to school alone.

[caramelchic]

My son will be starting Year 7 in September and, if I'm honest, I'm feeling quite nervous about him travelling to school on his own. He is my only child and I don’t drive.

The school is an all-boys secondary school. The journey is relatively short: either about four bus stops or one train stop followed by a 9-minute walk. On paper it doesn't sound far, but he's only 11 and the thought of him commuting independently every day feels like a big step.

He's a sensible and fairly mature child, but I'm still worried about things like getting lost, missing his stop, dealing with strangers, or just managing the journey confidently when things don't go to plan.

For those whose children started secondary school and travelled independently, how did it go? Did you do practice runs over the summer? At what point did you feel comfortable letting them travel alone?

Am I overthinking this, or is this a normal Year 7 parent worry?

Yes, do practice runs. 4 stops on the bus is fine!

It's a normal worry and yes we did some practice runs.

Depends on the kid, one of mine also let me travel with her the first few times, but that requires confidence of the child. Other child wouldn't want to be seen with parent, but was happy to do a practice run.

Will he have a phone? You can always help him navigate if he has location turned on.

Also, there will be other kids going to the same school, he will be able to recognise them from the uniform and just go the same way!

Good heavens! I was getting the tram across Liverpool to visit my grandmother from the age of 10 and travelling to school alone (3bus stops) from age 11. I also regularly went to the local shopping centre alone and into the centre of Liverpool with my friends. There were no mobiles then. As for buying things in shops and speaking to strangers I was doing that from age 6/7 as I was regularly sent to the corner shop by my mother.

When I see these accounts of kids of 11 plus never having used public transport or purchased anything independently in a shop I am not surprised that so any young people lack basic social skills. Handling money, asking for and following directions, and getting themselves from A to B are things any 11 year old should be able to do unless they have special needs.

Eleven is plenty old enough for this level of independence. Do a couple of practice runs. Make sure he has a phone, get him a dumb phone if school policy is that he can't have a smart phone. I'm sure they'll be plenty of other kids doing the same that he'll buddy up with pretty quickly.

There’s no public transport available for young people to use where I live. They’ll have to wait until they’re older and move to the city to learn the ropes.

You don’t have to have special needs to not be accustomed to travelling to school or to meet friends on buses or trains. It may not be relevant to the OP, but I often wonder at posters who don’t seem to be aware that people live different lives and have different public resources available to them.

Do practice runs over the summer, both on the bus and train. Show them how to use the bus and train apps on the phone. Discuss what happens if the bus is late, cancelled etc.

There’ll be lots of other people doing the same trip.

Yes, it’s normal worry, but he’ll be fine,

Get him used to going out and about on his own. My GS (going to secondary in September) has been allowed to arrive at and leave school unaccompanied since the beginning of year 5 so he has been dropped off or met (by prior arrangement) at ‘the stones’, his sister’s school, the Health Centre, local cafe etc. Result is that he is confident to navigate the area alone or with friends and knows where to go in case of problems - he does not yet have any type of phone.

Agree do a few practice runs and also start allowing him to go out independently- ideally with a friend.

How does he get to primary school, can he walk himself there?

DD and I did two practice runs of the most common route and one of the alternative. First one together, second one we pretended not to know each other so she had to take lead herself.

Remember OP that there will be lots of school children on the route come term time. He will probably find he knows some of them.

Yes, do practice runs over the summer. How does he currently get to school? If it's walkable, he should start walking to and from independently a few days a week starting now. If it's not, and you have to drive him, consider dropping him off around the corner so that he's walking at least part of the way independently. Get him a key cut and start the habit of having a key.

Yup, practice runs - he'll get it very quickly, I'm sure.

He will be fine. He is probably more resourceful, and smarter than you think. You will be having kittens the first day or two he has to do it, and then you will realise he is more capable than you thought.
My son had to get a tube and train home at age 11 when he missed his school coach. I was so anxious! He managed to leave his wallet somewhere on the journey but he got home in one piece and even the wallet showed up, as a kind stranger picked it up and handed it in, and they were able to trace him through his school as his library card was in it. He goes all over the place on the train now, and keeps his wallet securely zipped away!

He will be absolutely fine. He needs this independence- it’s part of growing up and being ready for life.

If he misses the bus, loses his bus pass, meets a bully - it’s al part of life. Important to learn for himself!

Aww, my DD is starting high school in September, I'm nervous for her ( she's very excited )

We've done a few practise walks, she knows which buses she could get / where to get off.

It's really helped me cutting the journey down In my mind 😅

She goes to the library a lot which is 10 minutes from our house. So this is a safe zone in my mind ( my friend also has a shop round the corner )

And it's only 11 minutes from the "safe zone"

Also - what was your school route like? I realised last night that my school journey was a 26 minute bus ride or an 80 minute walk 😅 .... that made me feel better remembering that I used to do a big ( ish ) journey on my own and was okay.

It's normal to worry a little I think, I'm sure our children will be fine and love it, but for me personally it's really difficult knowing she's going off into the world and I won't be there alongside her making sure she's okay 😅

We did practice runs. Also think about different scenarios like - what to do if the trains are cancelled. What to do if you get on train going the wrong way. What to do if you lose your ticket or it’s on your phone but the battery is dead etc

He will be fine. They all do it. And of course you're nervous. He's your little boy - but honestly they manage.
Absolutely do trial runs. I did that with both of mine as they had to get a train to school and then walk for 20 minutes. Once they understand the process and the route, it becomes second nature to them

I understand, it is a worry, but this is an important part of growing up and gaining some independence, and he will be fine.
I did a practice run with my DD over the summer holidays and then sent her alone to practice (nerve wracking but she was fine).
Assuming he will have a mobile so can contact you if any problems.
Run through some scenarios with him so he has some confidence what to do.
He may also meet some friends travelling the same way so they will have some safety in numbers- my DD has a little gang of “bus friends”.

It's normal for kids in London to use public transport for secondary school. My son used to feel sorry for the boy driven to school and then escorted to the door of the school. Another one at a different school had BOTH parents waiting at the tram stop with him until the tram came when when he was 15/16.

Get him to go places alone/with friends this summer and practise the route. It sounds like a pretty simple journey.

I was nervous because I anticipated my son being afraid. I planned to accompany him for the first week but he seems to have grown up massively in the last few months (physically and emotionally) and is now telling me he'll go on his own.

He has done a few short solo bus journeys between his dad's house and mine and I think that really helped.

Do make sure that your child knows that he might have to cross either the road or the station to get the bus or train back. I am amazed that they don’t realise this but we didn’t have a car as a family do knew all about public transport transport from a young age. I have heard about children who just get on the bus or train at the stop they got of so then they go in the wrong direction direction

It's normal year 7 worry OP. But you've got time to practice this before September and encourage his independence.

They change enormously in that first term and he'll be travelling all over the place with new friends by xmas.

My DD (journey - 20 minutes walk, 30 minutes train, 15 minutes walk - and only knowing one other girl) on her first day had the train home cancelled. You know what - she was ok. Got off the train, on to another train and arrived home rather later than expected. Good preparation for the rest of her secondary school life.

Incidentally, the long journey to school has meant that normal longish commutes seem… well, normal to her.

Mine did an hour train into London and then another train out to school. 90 minutes each way.
I went with them the first day and never again.
Smart phone with tracker and all the different apps for tickets and timetables was an essential.

I think lots of parents feel like this at this time, the leap to secondary can feel big but they soon get the hang of it.

Does he walk on his own to primary? If not get him doing that. As others have said, do some practice runs, and see if there are others going the same way. Discuss a few scenarios eg if he misses his bus how long until the next one

It’s a great boost in confidence for kids this age to start doing this sort of thing on their own. He’ll be an old hand in no time