Pregnant teacher struggling with Year 9 behaviour: how should I handle Monday?

[Heellllooo]

Hello, I’m 13 weeks pregnant and work
in very challenging secondary school in Northern England. I have a year 9 class that have been horrendous all year and I have reported something every single lesson, had conversations with head of year and removed several students. There is one particular student who consistently disrupts my lessons and is incredibly rude, across the school she often has her sanctions removed and has not been suspended for behaviour that other students have been e.g swearing and walking out of lesson. This week I was very tired, stressed from other things at home and obviously pregnant. That girl in particular was being her usual self. I was trying to remove her and she was refusing. I said “get out of room now”, turned away and I had started crying. Another student said “miss is crying.”
I walked out found the on call teacher and was sent home. I have asked for something to be arranged for that girl going forward and am due back in school Monday. Advice - do I acknowledge this with students? Do I tell them I’m pregnant? Do I get signed off for stress? Thank you for any advice.

Hi OP I really feel for you! I used to work in a school that sounds very similar but luckily had moved to a much easier school before I was pregnant.

Do you mean you've given notice and won't be returning after summer? Or that you'll be off on mat leave at some point next academic year?

If I was you, I would just calmly move this girl through the behaviour system until you can get her removed from class. What's the policy for when they've been given an on call / C3, can you ask her to wait outside where you can see her and too bad if she walks off?

You're early enough in your pregnancy that going off sick won't trigger an early start of your mat leave. You don't like the school, don't care about burning bridges here not that it should matter too much for sickness leave, but we all know how it works. Frankly I'd go to my GP and say the stress of the job is affecting my health and I'm worried about my baby. Get signed off until just before summer if you need to. Your SLT sound absolutely crap and you don't owe them anything.

I know PP have mentioned about building relationships etc, I'm great at this too - there will still always be the odd kid that just hates you because you're the one seemingly putting them through that class they can't stand and they don't want to know about all your attempts to show them you're on their side. Maybe in another couple of years she might suddenly decide you're alright, but you don't need to stick around that long.

Thank you, that all makes sense.
I used to be at a lovely school and will be going to a similar school next year before going on MAT leave 😊

Great! I would honestly not hesitate to go off sick and ask for a risk assessment before you return if needed. Or put your foot down and say I'm not teaching her, if SLT refuse to move her, the stress is affecting you and baby too much to come back.

I've seen all sorts of bs from SLT. Been physically attacked, had a colleague be badly physically attacked by a student and student was allowed to sit in reception on her phone at the end of the school day, both expected back in on Monday. Even at my current school I did Ofsted just before my due date, was on my knees helping kids understand the work next to their desk, dragging myself across campus for assemblies with bad pelvic pain. At some point you're allowed to say enough is enough - and the quality of staff who actually applied for my mat cover was shocking. They ought to be trying their best to keep you. (Edit: a real shame for the children in your classroom just trying to learn as well)

Thank you xx
yes I’ve seen similar too - no boundaries and they most likely have no boundaries at home so as a classroom teacher implementing them is so hard. Alongside this these kids cannot properly read or write so trying to teach my subject is a nightmare in this school! They have no interest but also impossible for them to understand. Just marked my year 10 tests and some of them got 0 and they chose the subject!!!!

Hi, HOD and union rep here.

Given your context, evacuate the classroom. Send an oncall email to tell them you've had to do this for the safety of yourself and the other pupils, line all the kids up outside, wait for SLT to come sprinting down the corridor.

You cried because your body is being flooded with hormones and you felt absolutely powerless. It's ok to say to the kids: I didn't feel well, I'm better now. As it goes, it would also be ok to crack out the Starburst and narrate the positives. Perhaps even make some time at the end of the each school day to make a couple of positive calls home to kind of reset your own sense of what's great about teaching and how you're a great teacher.

Sorry, I should have also added that it's ok to say to your HOD that you need some support with this class. It's not unusual for me (dragon of a teacher) to go into my team's classes when they're struggling to reassert school expectations.

Thank you, I have asked a few times for support from HOD and SLT. The only person who has helped me and come into the class was a head of another department that saw I was struggling and she stayed for the whole lesson and took out the worst kids x you sound like a supportive HOD!

Sorry that your HOD appears to be unsupportive.

Please do put your request in writing and ask for a meeting to talk about specifically what they can do to support you.

It's our job to have the backs of our colleagues who are struggling. For example, while you should also be phoning home (or emailing if you can't face the abuse), your HOD should be putting those kids on HOD report, phoning home, arranging meetings with the parents and HOY, and escalating where necessary - because it's likely an unmet need. That's what we get paid a TLR for.

[edit to add] And when you get signed off sick after May half term, you'll have the evidence you need to show that you tried reaching out and were just dismissed.

Get signed off and refuse to go back until the school can provide a safe environment for you to work in.

Why does she get away with that?! Have you spoken to SLT about this? Seems like it’s making her think she’s untouchable

Just seen you’ve only got the next few weeks to go. In that case I’d call in sick if they don’t start supporting you next week.

I have but will be putting it all in writing as they are creating a monster and these issues have been raised in union meetings. Thank you for all your replies everyone’s it’s actually helped so much 🙂

As a parent with a child who has a diagnosis of ADHD and had all this when he was in a mainstream school, she needs proper SEN care and the appropriate support. It could be a case of her struggling with the work and not being able to do it hence the behaviour, has she got a plan in place? Has she got a EHCP? Has the school put all the correct steps in and been keeping a recording of all of these issues and behaviour? If so she will need the next steps an education psychologist as maybe a mainstream school is not suitable for her. It took me years to get my son a suitable education environment. It was constant meetings, suspensions, part time tables, phone calls, social services, police it was extremely draining and mentally exhausting. It maybe a case that there needs to be a meeting with the Sen and the parents about the next steps because she’s clearly struggling.

The parents maybe also being this way because they are also mentally and emotionally exhausted? Have they got support too as this could also be happening at home?

As much as I can only imagine how difficult it is for a teacher to try and tackle this behaviour there is barely any help and support for children with SEN in mainstream schools and in my opinion it’s a major issue in many schools all over the country as they are just labelled the ‘naughty kids’ when the issue is deeper. When my son was in mainstream I realised he was struggling with the work, he also got a diagnosis of dyslexia and he is incapable of being able to process certain things. The school just kept suspending him and punishing him but his way of showing he was struggling was acting out and being ‘the naughty child’ he would talk back, turn over tables, skip classes, shout out, name call and threaten.

The education department is a major let down for kids with SEN. There is not enough support for these children and there should be more training for teachers as to how to deal, cope and support SEN children.

Hi, I totally understand that and I think as a classroom teacher who sees her once a week all I can do is report on and keep raising these issues. Which I do. She doesn’t have an EHCP and there is a support plan but even when i suggest some of the steps to her she refuses. I do still follow through on what the plan suggests but she is incredibly volatile and rude towards me in the meantime. I would say a lot of what you have said makes sense but that is a wider issue than me and that is SEN department/ SLT who should be supporting her. Multiple staff have reported similar issues. In some lessons her behaviour is absolutely spot on but it does tend to be those that have practical elements such as PE or tech. I totally understand what you’re saying. However I would say she isn’t labelled a “naughty kid” and has an incredible amount of leniency, eg behaviours that she should have been suspended for, she has not been. When she should be in isolation she is allowed to come to lesson. And not to be offensive but you sound like a different sort of person to her parents. I appreciate they could be struggling but that support should come from the HOY as we are not encouraged to communicate with her parents as they are so volatile also. Infact the plan states that communication home should only come from HOY or deputy head.

I think it is appalling that you are expected to put up with this behaviour, pregnant or not. This girl is being taught (by SLT, not you) that there are no consequences to her actions - even if there are other issues you don’t know about (and tbh you should be told about them if they are affecting her behaviour in your class) she still needs to learn that she can’t dick about, be rude, refuse to follow instructions and nothing happens to her. This would not be accepted at work. I would go off sick if I were you OP, especially given the lack of support from your head of department and SLT. I am glad you have a nicer school to move to in September.

As an aside, this is why parents fight tooth and nail to get their kids into the “nice” schools - to avoid awful kids like this girl who thinks she rules the roost and can stop everyone else from learning.

I think maybe then she needs an EHCP application, the SEN team can refer her for this and can give all the evidence over that needs to be provided, this will then get the school more funds to put more things in place to support her. If this doesn’t work the school can then move to the next steps which will be educational psychologist, the school needs to record everything so they can provide the evidence needed that the mainstream school environment is not for her and she needs to be somewhere else, it takes some time trust me I’ve been through it but I would definitely speak to the head and the SEN team to get things rolling. It seems as though a mainstream school is not for her, if she stays at this school it will fail her because of her additional needs she will not get the education she deserves which will have an impact on her future.

To be fair I was never a volatile or a threatening parent, I just made sure I was at the meetings and recording the behaviours at home, I was following the steps and doing my part so my son could be placed where he needed to be. Some parents just may not know how to deal with it all and deal with it differently I know it’s a very stressful time and it’s very mentally taxing. I’m a single parent and didn’t have the support of a partner at the time so had to deal with it all myself.

The outcome? My son is now home tutored, yes he is behind because of the amount of education he has missed due to suspensions and part time tables but he has just completed his mocks. He has thrived more having a 1-1 tutor where as when he was in a mainstream he literally point blank refused to any work what so ever. So for me it’s a major improvement.

Hello, that all makes sense and yes I can speak to SEN department and see what they suggest. I have seen parents in the past be very much against sending their child to an alternative provision and would rather demand further things from the school and then blame them when their child is struggling. This could very well be the case here but I don’t know enough about it.
What you have said makes sense though and leads me to have more compassion for her, she doesn’t attend French so maybe it is that struggle/ need that needs to be addressed.

Just quickly also I can imagine how stressful it is being pregnant and having to deal with this kind of behaviour, that is also not acceptable. Means the SEN team need a kick up their butts into supporting her so teachers like yourself can teach. Teachers like yourself should be supported and it’s not ok they are not putting these things in place.

Thank you, I am going to see what comes of this week and go from there. Thankfully we have a half term in between. It is a shame for the lovely quiet kids who just get on and you can see they are fed up of it too.

Very true, it is myself and others who are reporting the same things. But as you say, this behaviour may well be an unmet need and it only being looked at behaviorally.
thank you for bringing your perspective! As a side note I have also looked at working within an alternative provision for children who cannot attend mainstream school and I do one to one tutoring and find it is so much more effective and worthwhile as a teacher so its nice to hear your son has improved from this.

If it's likely that students will talk about you crying, I'd address it. Providing you're happy to announce your pregnancy, I'd calmly explain that you're pregnant and pregnancy can make people a bit more emotional than normal, especially at the start.

This has the potential benefit of turning peer pressure on the girl to be nicer to you too (I went to a similar sounding school and "Laura is so funny, she made miss cry" would quickly turn to "what the hell Laura, Miss is pregnant, I can't believe you made a pregnant lady cry"... not sure on the ethics of this but 🤷‍♀️"

But this all takes time, as you’ve said, and in the meantime this girl is still in lessons making everyone else’s life a nightmare - the school is failing all of them by not dealing with her appropriately. She is taking all the time and energy of the teacher which means the other 20-however many kids are not getting the lesson they deserve AND the poor teacher is stressed and more likely to leave or go off sick.

I don’t know how we’ve ended up in this ludicrous situation in schools where the majority of the “good” kids are petrified of getting a detention for looking at someone in the corridor or not tucking their shirt in, yet the badly behaved kids (whatever the reason for the bad behaviour; if they are arrested for assault or criminal damage - you mentioned throwing chairs - the fact that they might have ADHD won’t stop them from being charged) get a free pass for behaviour that is completely unacceptable.

I’m glad you have seen the effectiveness.

I had no idea about this sort of stuff, I remember when he was diagnosed at 6 I was like what is ADHD as it was his primary school that referred him, I did research and I was shocked that I hadn’t noticed it as a parent. I just thought it was normal behaviours of a child not realising there was an underlying issue. I was completely oblivious! I had a lot of guilt but as his parent I fought for him and now he’s in a better place with education and I’m very thankful. I do find a lot of children with SEN show these behaviours as a way of them telling you they are struggling and not being able to cope. Also take into account that puberty is about and I tell you something that was the hardest part for me puberty, hormones and ADHD! It can be confusing for them as their hormones are all over the place and the transition to becoming an adolescent can also affect their behaviour. ADHD brains cannot process things like our brains so it’s all very confusing and they don’t always understand.

Im not saying they get a free pass, nor am I saying it’s acceptable I’m simply pointing out some of the factors that could be causing this behaviour in a teen who is also going through the puberty stage. It is 100% down to the school and their SEN team to get to the bottom of this and put things in place. Factors like home environments, medication, hormones, struggles, not coping and finding work hard can be the deeper issues here. The SEN team should be listening to the teachers and making plans to support this student and helping her cope. If not then other things need to be put in place. Everything needs to be documented and provided as evidence. EHCP referrals, EP involved even as little as talking to her and listening to her as to why she behaving in this way can help. If she’s just being chucked out of class rooms, suspended and given detentions that’s not dealing with the actual issue it’s pushing her aside and singling her out which will just cause more back lash and behaviours.

Good plan. You're right. Its ridiculous they aren't sorting this out.