Helping if results are disappointing

[Countrystroll]

Dd is in year 11 at our local grammar school which is 2 miles away from our home. She has an amazing group of friends and is desperate to stay on for 6th form. The last few years have been up and down for our family as my husband was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. This definitely has had a knock on effect on her schooling and at times the school weren’t always particularly understanding if she wasn’t committed to her work. She needs 48 point across her best 8 subjects including 5 in maths and English. It’s going to be very close and I’m not convinced she is going to get enough points. She is so anxious and upset that she will have to go to a mediocre college miles away as a back up plan as there is nothing closer . I’m trying to tell her that she will see her friends still even if she doesn’t go to the same school but I know she is going to be so sad on results day. How can help her? Has anyone else been in this position? How can I help her? She is working so hard.

My son (anxious ASC) wasn’t in a selective school but one with higher criteria for sixth form than others locally. We visited all settings and did the taster days at his school and at a local college. He actually felt really positive about the college as a second choice in the end- we were very positive and open with him about it. In the end, he got enough to stay (even with repeating his maths this year). I recommend being open, not piling on the pressure and visiting other places.

I’d start by not describing the other place as mediocre. You need to be celebrating her achievements even if they don’t meet her first choice.
then just be kind and supportive. DD 3 wanted the same 6th form as her older sister- even with her SEN taken into account they turned her down flat - she was distraught. Needed 5’s in English and maths plus 2 more for T level - she got 4’s.
Went to the local college and ended up on a level 2 - just about to finish and landed a job on £26k at 17!
She passed maths and I was so proud of her - I made sure she knew I was proud and she knew T Level was an option this year but she’s going to work now.

You’re not helping OP by describing it as mediocre. I went to a local college to do my A-Levels, having been at grammar school. I found it so much nicer, lots more freedom (felt less like school) and made lots of great mates. It felt like the perfect stepping stone before uni and we were given lots of independence and support around our work. I got three A’s.

Thanks so much for replies. Just to clarify I would never refer to the college as mediocre to my daughter and I’m trying to put a positive spin on it. It’s really more about the friendships that she has at present and how she will struggle going somewhere new. My son has already been to the college and didn’t really meet anyone new the 2 years he was there. Just went in for lessons and came home which is another of my concerns as my daughter would really benefit from the structure of behind at school all day not just going in a few hours a week.

Not specific to you OP, but here may be a good place to point out this thread: Bouncing back from poor GCSEs - in praise of BTEC (edited by MNHQ at request of OP) | Mumsnet

OP, if they are true friends they will stay in touch even if at different places; plus just because your DS failed to make friends doesn't mean your DD wouldn't.

Hope it all works out OK anyway.

I’d separate the emotional plan from the practical plan. Emotionally, keep the message very steady: she is not losing her friends, she is choosing the next workable route. Practically, speak to the school before results day about any sixth-form discretion, evidence they would consider, and exactly what the fallback college timetable would look like.