School anxiety/attendance issues — what support did you wish existed for KS3?

[NotInSchool]

Hi all — I’m UK-based and I’m researching a small project for Year 8 / KS3 pupils who can’t face school right now (anxiety, burnout, health, attendance struggles).

I’m not trying to replace school and I’m not selling tutoring. I’m trying to figure out what would genuinely help families on the hard days without parents becoming the teacher.

If you’ve been through this, could you tell me:

1. What was the hardest part at home — routine, confidence, motivation, or work being too much?
2. What support did school or anyone else offer that was actually useful (if any)?
3. If something existed that was “low-pressure continuity” (10 minutes, calm, achievable), what would it need to include to be worth using?

If you reply, I’ll summarise what I learn back into the thread

Op - your use of AI is really off putting, which is a shame because what you are doing sounds interesting! Just talk in your own voice it be less ‘ slick’ but it will be much clearer and more real. AI hides your real meaning’! No one wants to talk to a robot.

Just wanted to say thanks - this has been really useful.
A few themes I’m taking away so far (tell me if I’ve got this wrong):

• For many families it’s can’t start (panic/avoidance) more than “lazy”.
• Often the environment is the problem, not the work (quiet/safe base matters).
• Some “motivational” things (like tracking wins) can backfire and increase shame.
• The first steps back are often relationship + safety + tiny engagement, not “catch up”.

If you’ve been reading but not replying: which one is most true for you - can’t start or can’t sustain?

You’re not wrong, it does read a bit “too tidy”, doesn’t it.
I’m a real person; I used AI to help me structure what I meant, but I can see why it feels off-putting.

I’m doing this because I’m trying to build something that actually helps families dealing with Year 8 / KS3 school anxiety/absence, and I’d rather get honest feedback now than build the wrong thing. I’ll stick to my own voice from here.

Quick question (one word reply is fine): can’t start or can’t sustain?

Please stop with the AI. Just write normally.

I think something small that gets them physically moving helps - eg help make lunch, a small chore, going in the garden or a game/lego etc. I think it would be good if what you’re developing takes into account that fact that parents don’t always have the energy/motivation/time to do these things alongside their child.

Thanks, I hadn't thought about a get them moving activity as a first step.
Yes the point about parents not always having the time or energy to do it with them is bang on. If this only works when a parent can sit and coach is not really helping. Maybe I should add in an activity suggestions bit as well.

3 mostly as we made it clear that she needed to be back in school asap
Having diagnosed anxiety myself I know that if you don’t learn good coping skills to manage it and just avoid things that make you anxious, your world becomes very small indeed. It also means new routines of avoidance get established and it’s then harder to break them. Time was of the essence and I’m grateful her school were able to accommodate the changes needed quickly.

This is better! And sounds really useful.

Use ai as a search tool to supplement and support ideas/ questioning (but remember it’s not always correct.

Fully agree with @anonymoususer9876

Id have been a school refuser given half the chance. Half of it in me was mild chronic physical illness that wasn’t diagnosed till adulthood- factoring in physical activity not only helps generally for overall health but could indicate (in rare cases) if there’s an underlying condition as symptoms might show more.

I have to use regular paced amounts physical activity as an adult to keep me going. But recognise when to allow rest too, which a highly anxious person needs. The Covid approach of a walk a day was based on knowledge that we need to have routine exercise, fresh air and sun. Even when cloudy. Walking is regulatory. Dancing can be or any other favoured movement.

The other strategy that is useful is offering 3 choices all of which you’d like a child to do. Structure is really important so this can offer some flexibility that helps them to feel more in control and have a voice.