How are you affording it - private school.

[DonkeyKon]

Fee paying (but relatively cheap) london prep school and then step up to Latymer Upper for one an (we hope) second child in the future.

we have a good income between the two of us but by god the fees are eye watering.

outside of those in banking / faang, how do you go about affording 2 x £35K/year post tax?

Ours is only a toddler, we are considering private schools but maybe only for secondary? We are only having 1 child. Saving already. A move to an area with a grammar school could be another option if hes academic.

There is research in this area. People can afford private education because for one of more of the following reasons:
*They have a relatively high income
*They have significantly lower outgoings than average. This can be because they own their home outright or have significant equity.
*Their family are relatively well off & provide financial support (grandparents paying fees fully or partially etc.)
*They receive significant busary support.
Without one or more of the later three applying it literally impossible for middle income households to afford it and has been since long before VAT.

People can and do limit discretionary outgoings to afford it (holidays, going out, choosing an area with lower priced housing), but without a significantly above average income or negligible housing costs or a substantial busary it just isnt possible.

What middle income earners earn. Not what MN considers a middle income earner ...

Median gross annual earnings for full-time employees were £39,039 in April 2025, compared with £37,439 in April 2024, which is an increase of 4.3%.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/earningsandworkinghours/bulletins/annualsurveyofhoursandearnings/2025

We aren’t in finance but we do earn about £200k each so total household income of £400k ish. We have two in private school and one at uni. We have a small mortgage and only go abroad once a year. We’ve never had any help be it financial or practical from either set of parents. Most parents at our kids schools are relying on income with a few exceptions of grandparent contributions. I actually think prep is more important than secondary. We tried both our eldest children in state primary, the kind that have huge waitlists and it was awful. 30 in a class is just far too many children. I’d much rather pay for prep than secondary. By secondary it’s easier to do sports and clubs outside of school. The wrap around care at prep is a life saver.

State primary and grandparents are paying fees for secondary - albeit with a bit of a wobble from them when VAT was added. 2 DC at London Day School. Household income is c. £125 - £140k (freelance income) and we cover all extras, but there is no way we could afford the fees on our income - we don't even have a particularly gruesome London mortgage, run an old car and holiday in Wales and can't afford to do up our house as it is!

I would say at DCs' school there are a lot of families who are much, much wealthier than us, a fair few who are a lot poorer and a smattering at our level.

People I know only did secondary and very high earners or grandparents

Oldest - state schooled and then boarding school in Scandinavian for IB
Middle - private school with bursery after primary state school
Youngst - state primary school and the private school Scandinavian

We have left UK to secure a better education for our youngst child.

We can't afford private now in UK even with scholarship/bursery and state didn't at all fit our youngst. The fees are very different in Scandinavian.
So we left and are quite happy.

Working in the school and getting a very significant discount.

Earn 200k. Have 1 DC. Paid off mortgage before they were born. Live in cheap house vs salary earned.

Use state primary and then Independent secondary school.

latymer has good bursaries

I’m shocked you only go abroad once a year! I have 15% of your household income and I go thrice!

@UnexpectedlysinglemumWe pay 80+k in fees for 3 kids. It’s a choice I don’t regret but it does mean a lot less disposable income. We both work really demanding jobs so when we do go away it has to be somewhere we can really relax and that doesn’t come cheap!

Sadly that’s 3x a lot of people’s ave income

80k on fees still leaves 320k!! Surely even the most luxury holiday would ‘only’ come to 20k or so?

I honestly don’t get it.

80k on fees is 160k ish pre tax income.

There will be amazing uni support. But unis are aware of this and take it into account.

Extra curriculars are definitely still there for those who want them. But many drop or reduce them at this age.

In academic terms, a kid who has done very well at GCSEs is likely to be just fine doing their A levels in state provision. Kids who don’t want to study anymore don’t tend to do A levels.

A college of or state sixth form is often a better stepping stone to an independent uni life too. Private school is an almighty bubble. Ages 11-16 it can give kids an amazing foundation. But at some point they need to step out and mingle with everyone else

Tax.

After tax, NI and a 10% pension contribution the will take home c. £200k of that £400k.

So the £80k is 40% of their take home pay - with £120k left over not £320k.

@MidnightPatrolis right. We pay a huge amount of tax. We still then need to pay the mortgage/cars/utilities/clubs/pets/cleaner etc. 6 people worth of plane tickets alone takes up a lot of holiday budget. We bought our first house in 2014 so haven’t benefited from ‘the ladder’. No one gave us a down payment. I’d have very happily not used private school but our eldest is ND and was miserable at our supposedly outstanding local primary. He was barely enduring it and we were going to end up with complete school refusal. After we moved we tried again with his sister at a different primary and although she’s not ND she was definitely enduring it and not thriving. We are by no means one of the wealthy families at school. There’s a huge gap between the inherited wealth families and the working families.

DH parents offered to pay for ours (for secondary, we are in state primary). Quizzing others who were planning private secondary, grandparents funding turned out to be the most common funding route. People often want to keep that info under wraps (Dr Eliza Filby, social historian talks about the UK now being an 'inheritocracy').

We decided not to take the money and we've committed to state secondary (we're in London and had a fab state option so not suggesting this was particularly radical). But the kids who went for private from DC1 primary are: (1) grandparent money (majority); (2) mega-earners (minority); and (3) comfortable-ish-and-working-v-hard-to-do-it (VERY small.minority).

My view on (3) is that fee levels now mean it isn't a rational choice to do that, if you have a decent state option. The money would be better spent on a flat deposit, other financial support during those difficult 20-something years, or even just glorious out of term trips etc. And maybe your kids would have got all As and gone to Oxford / the conservatoire from the state school anyway? Plenty do!

But the choices of parents in group (3) are invariably very personal, very emotive. Just me writing 'its not rational for group (3) to do it' will make some of them want to scream! But for those parents, the choice is almost invariably a reaction to the schooling they had (e.g. I loved my private, I vowed my child would go). Or to an unhappy experience in state primary for their kids. I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong in this way of thinking (and I am not exempt from it!). But it is why I think you will ALWAYS get a small chunk of parents for whom private school costs are prohibitive...and yet they will still move hell and high water to pay them.

Our original plan was only secondary but we had to move our oldest in Y5 due to various issues. DC2 we are planning to wait until secondary and to move DC 1 back into a state school for sixth form. Due to age gap this will mean we only have one year of over lapping fees. DH is a high earner but 2 sets of fees will be tight. I work in education so I am on the look out for a job in a private school which gives a fee discount.

Mine has been private throughout prep and now in secondary. However come sixth form I am happy for her to go to the sixth form college - problem is that is lottery entrance so down to fate. So financially I’ll need to plan to pay for sixth form if needed given the council has no obligation at sixth form to provide places and school places (as opposed to the lottery college) will go to those already at school. My ex has never paid a penny, all been on me. My company has been going well for many years but not so well now so personally I’d prefer not to have to pay for sixth form due to uncertainty.

Yeah, It's certainly not near me.

My BF got her DS into the 'best' primary in her local area, which gets top results most years' but she is very disappointed in it. She said they do the minimum and really teach to test (timetables in year 4, sats for the year 6). Arts and sports really suffer as a result. They also (in line with most state schools today) hire young cheap teachers (keeping the one best for final year 6 push) who frequently don't always stay more than 2 years.

They tell everyone they are as good as a prep but, like my school, they are good at getting everyone over the line but those who shine (working at greater depth) do so because of the work their parents do with them outside of school. Which is sad as they miss out a second time on extra curricular arts and sport because in year 5 they are forced to do sit doing Atom tests.

My DCs primary is highly rated, but not really that impressive. They are great if you have a SEN child, and at keeping the naughty ones in line, but certainly don't stretch the more able. My eldest complains of being bored quite often, the younger is still getting enough playtime to not complain too much but I think it will come next year. It is free and they are settled so there didn't seemed much point paying £30k... but now I'm looking down the barrel of the 11+ gun it does leave the real problem of getting them up to scratch without excessive out of school tutoring.

The preps just offer so much more and the teachers seem to be a lot more experienced/specialist. I think it depends on the area. Also the 18k pp quoted for a prep hasn't existed for a long time 'round here'. They are £30k+ now and the best ones are still full (although there is more movement than there ever used to be).

I forgot to the point of the thread...

We are state and planned on staying state (good secondary options) but primary hasn't been as impressive as we were led to believe and the new Children's Welfare Bill looks like a disaster waiting to happen. So we are now very focused on indie for secondary.

We have the money mainly due to luck than high salaries.

We both still work but are not ultra high earners, but we are older parents who lucked out with property in London, invested at a time when shares went up and have had some significant inheritances. So our current salaries are enough for day to day, holidays etc and fees come from capital.
With hindsight I wish we had gone for a prep as I have expended far more energy and time than I have filling the gaps of sport and arts. As a result I'd say my DC have had the same opportunities as any prep child. Now though, on top of all this DIY enrichment, I need to get a handle on verbal and non verbal reasoning tests and try to get them a year ahead of the curriculum for the 11+.

I wish we had gone to a prep from 7+. We may still do this for DC2 depending on how tutoring for DC1 turns out.

50% scholarship, 50% from salary, with savings as a top up if necessary.

I'm a single mum so that means no evenings out, no eating or coffee out, no subscriptions or pay tv, no expensive clothes, parkrun instead of gym membership, 8yo car, very limited holidays.

But ds is happy, confident, flourishing, has 10 good gcses, expected to get ABB or higher for a'level, after being bullied at state primary.

I see it as good value.

State primary and now it will be private with massive cutbacks and sacrifice. Don't see an alternative, given the standard of state options where we live, we didn't feel we had much choice.